Regardless of their relationship with you, if they feel negatively about you, their feelings will eventually come out.
Unfortunately, they'll sometimes be revealed in very embarrassing ways, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Queasy-Sugar-58 had been with her boyfriend for a year and a half, and they were seriously talking about taking the next couple of steps, including moving in together and getting engaged.
When she went to a party at his apartment, where she finally got to meet his friends, the Original Poster (OP) was appalled when he only introduced her as "his friend," and she promptly left the party early, not interested in being publicly embarrassed like that.
She asked the sub:
"Am I overreacting for leaving my boyfriend's apartment after he introduced me as his 'friend'?"
The OP thought she was in a serious relationship.
"I’m a 27-year-old woman, and I’ve been seeing my boyfriend, who's 29, for about a year and a half."
"We don’t share a home yet, but weekends often find us at each other’s places, and we’ve had some serious talks about getting engaged and moving in together in the future."
"Last weekend, we hit up a small get-together at a friend’s apartment. I’d met most folks there before, so I thought I’d be fine; no awkwardness expected."
But then the OP's boyfriend said something that made her question everything.
"However, during the gathering, one of his buddies asked him how we knew each other."
"With a laugh, my boyfriend replied, 'Oh, we’re friends. She’s been around for a while.'"
"Everyone chuckled, and just like that, they moved on. But honestly? I was shocked."
"I chose not to speak up at the party, because I didn’t want to stir the pot."
"After another hour of feeling drained, I made my excuses about not feeling well and left."
Later, the OP's boyfriend dismissed what he said as a joke.
"As I was heading home, he called, curious about what was bothering me. I told him that hearing him call me his friend after 18 months together really stung."
"He brushed it off, saying I was overreacting and insisting it was all just a joke."
"He claimed he didn’t want to ruin the mood by making any big relationship announcements in front of everyone."
"I pointed out that no one asked him to announce anything and that just a simple, 'She’s my girlfriend' would’ve sufficed."
"Then he hit me with something that really got under my skin: 'Why does it matter what I called you? You know what we are.'"
"I responded that it does matter; how someone labels their relationship to others reveals how they view it."
The OP wasn't sure what to make of what happened that night.
"Now, he’s miffed that I left instead of chatting with him privately at the party. He insists I embarrassed him by walking out and turned a harmless joke into a relationship dilemma."
"I would have felt differently if it had been a random joke between us, but him referring to me as just a friend in front of others made me feel like he was trying to downplay our relationship intentionally. He thinks I'm making too much of it."
"Was I wrong for leaving and making this into a bigger issue?"
"AIO?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You're Overreacting
Some were furious on the OP's behalf about the "joke" her boyfriend told.
"What was the punchline? Where is the joke? The 'joke' is you still hanging around this guy while he gives you scraps. Don't accept them. Leave." - TartarSauceDippinDots
"After A YEAR AND A HALF HE'S CONCERNED ABOUT NOT MAKING A 'BIG ANNOUNCEMENT'!?! What does that mean then, that he hasn't even mentioned that he's had a girlfriend for the past one and a half years?!" - Radiant-Button-7969
"NOR. That wasn't a random joke; that was him publicly denying your relationship. I'm sorry, but he clearly doesn't consider you his girlfriend and doesn't want others to think you are either." - loricomments
"NOR. If he’s talking about MARRIAGE, he should be able to loudly and proudly declare you as his girlfriend to anyone and everyone. Should be bragging about you to his friends."
"I see zero reason on earth for him to not say it with his chest when it matters. So for that reason, I’d be concerned as to why he actually called you a friend." - yoohoojuicepouch
"NOR. You did the right thing in not talking about it at the party, and I don’t blame you for leaving when you did. He’s lucky you stayed that long."
"Did he offer to go with you when you said you felt unwell? Don’t listen to his excuses or accept that you embarrassed him."
"He’s the one who embarrassed you by denying your relationship, and he should feel ashamed of that. Don’t accept less than you’re worth, OP." - Historical_Kick_3294
"'He brushed it off, saying I was overreacting and insisting it was all just a joke.' It being your relationship?"
"Do note that 'it is just a joke' is also pretty common gaslighting."
"So was it really just a joke? And if it was, why didn't he correct himself later so that everybody clearly knew that it was a joke? Instead, he kept everyone else in the dark and kept making them believe you're just a friend of his. Why would he do that? Does he want his friends to believe that he's single for some reason?"
"'Now, he’s miffed that I left instead of chatting with him privately at the party. He insists I embarrassed him by walking out and turned a harmless joke into a relationship dilemma.' Oh, now he's just not making any sense at all with this obvious DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim, Offense) attempt of his."
"He's really manipulative, isn't he? After all, how could you have embarrassed him by leaving early because you weren't feeling well? How was that in any way embarrassing? His attempt to reverse it on you here falls completely flat on it's face due to how illogical it."
"At this point you're not overreacting, you're underreacting. This guy is showing you so many flags in such a short period of time that it isn't even funny. Run and get an STD test done just in case; after all who knows how many other "friends" just like you he has." - Corodix
Others agreed and were suspicious that the OP might be his secret side chick without her knowing.
"NOR. If he's introducing you to his friends as just another friend, I'd be suspicious that he has another girlfriend (and OP's the other woman), and he doesn't want to tip his hand. He's disrespecting OP and their relationship." - wigglepie
"I'm sorry this happened. It feels like he might be cheating on someone with you. NOR." - thetoxicgossiptrain
"NOR. If you think back, is it possible that your bf didn't want to introduce you as his girlfriend because he might be secretly interested in someone who was also at the party?"
"...Or maybe someone who knows his wife was at the party, and he wasn't expecting them, so he stumbled and called you a friend to keep your relationship covered up?" - Sherbet_Happy
"NOR. This is incredibly strange. The only thing I can think of is who was there that he didn't want to know he is in a relationship?"
"If I stuck around with a guy who couldn't be honest about your relationship, I would definitely insist on couples therapy. (But I wouldn't stick around. Life's too short for men who will lie about your relationship.)" - ABelleWriter
"NOR. He called you a friend because he's hiding your relationship from them. Whether the reason is that he's interested in someone at the party or because his friends have met a different woman they know to be his girlfriend doesn't matter."
"He's he's lying about how seriously he views the relationship." - Which-Month-3907
"He is cheating on you… He has someone else, and they know… or this was a joke to see how far you would take it…"
"Either way, he is for the streets, because no man that loves, wants, and is proud to be with you would ever want to introduce you as a friend… He is trying to gaslight you and make you smaller than you deserve… MOVE ON." - theinvisiblewoman704
"Was there any PDA at the party? Did he hold your hand, did he hug you (in a boyfriend-girlfriend way, not a friend way)? IF no, then yeah, a lot of folks hit it on the head; there's someone there that he didn't want to know about you."
"Either a girl he is or wants to see, or a friend that would react to YOU being his GF (because he has another one? )"
"Some BIG red flags here, big. You need to know before it goes any further. Have you met any of these friends before (you said yes) and are you always 'just a friend'?"
"If he's not hiding anything, and that's always a possibility, then you are about to move in with a complete id**t. Not only does he devalue you, and your relationship, but he doesn't understand when you explained it to him after AND then tried to make it about how you embarrassed him."
"What about how he embarrassed you by introducing you as just a friend? There's something going on here." - Ok-Heron8017
Some urged the OP to walk away from this "friendship" before she wasted any more time.
"'Hey, it’s been good getting to know you, and I’ve enjoyed our time, but I’m no longer interested in maintaining this friendship. What I originally thought was mutual goals, I now know we are on different paths. Wishing you all the best in the future.'"
"Then just… block. NOR, but also maintain your self-respect." - Ready-Conflict-1887
"Just ghost him. You don’t have to break up with him because you’re just friends, not more. NOR." - Dubbiely
"NOR. You can't do relationship drama if you are only his friend. (You should've told him this.) Let this boy be an immature pr**k alone. You can do better, sis!" - Former-Heart9249
"NOR! Leave him be. If he doesn’t understand where you’re coming from on this, then that shows you even more than the 'friend' statement that you two may not be right for each other."
"If you two were in your early twenties or younger, maybe there is reason to explain yourself further, but he’s almost 30 and should know better after you told him how you feel, but he doubled down and said you overreacted. That’s bulls**t!" - Embarrassed-Safe7939
"NOR. He is majorly gaslighting you. I suggest you rethink your future with him unless you want to be treated poorly for the duration of the relationship. If you were my daughter, I’d tell you to break up with him right away." - Ahoytherematey561
"Girl. He embarrassed himself. It absolutely matters what he calls you. And it’s not normal to do this. Do not put up with this gaslighting bulls**t."
"I’d get rid of him, to be honest. It’s only been a year, and he already doesn't care how he makes you feel? Do you want a lifetime of this kind of stupid crap?" - RoHatfield83
The subReddit was totally on the OP's side, regardless of the boyfriend's reasoning. If he was going to date her for a year and a half and even explore marriage with her, the least he could do was give her a proper introduction.
Because of that, many thought that the boyfriend might have more than one relationship, perhaps even a marriage, in play, and he didn't want someone at the party discovering that he identified the OP as his long-term girlfriend, which could jeopardize his other relationship.
But there was a possibility, too, that he was just that careless and oblivious, and the OP deserved better than to move in with someone like that.
