After knowing someone for a long time, we get used to their personality.
Often, we're surprised when we notice how their personality rubs other people the wrong way.
Sometimes, we get so used to certain individuals that we overlook the fact that their behavior is widely regarded as inappropriate, if not outright offensive.
A friend of Redditor VeryConcernedHuman's husband recently came to stay with them.
The original poster (OP) was not looking forward to this visit, as she had never been particularly fond of this friend.
As it turned out, her fondness for this friend sank even lower during the visit, and she asked him to leave, despite having nowhere to go.
After being called an "awful person" by her husband for doing so, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH for kicking my husband’s best friend out of the house w/ nowhere to stay?"
The OP explained why she couldn't stand hosting her husband's friend in their home any longer:
"My husband has had this best friend since college that I never really vibed with."
"Let’s call him Tod."
"I’ve never liked the way he talks to me."
"My husband says that it’s because he’s on the spectrum, but I don’t think that’s what it is."
"He’s not just blunt, he’s straight up condescending."
"Tod lives out of state but came here for their friend group’s stag party and wedding."
"Tod asked my husband if he could stay with us for a week and drive together to the wedding venue about 2 hrs away the day before the wedding."
"I told my husband I don’t feel comfortable with him in the house, but my husband said Tod isn’t doing well financially and that he’d keep him 'in line,' so I said okay."
"Tod arrived yesterday, and at first it was okay, but then he started getting all condescending with me."
"I made meatloaf, veggie casserole, and some salad for dinner last night, and according to Tod, those three things don’t really go together, and it would’ve been better if I’d just roasted the veggies."
"I didn’t say anything, but I thought it was pretty freaking disrespectful to make comments when someone made you a full meal and you were staying at their house for free, but again, Tod is on the spectrum according to everyone but Tod, so I let it go."
"Then he started calling me 'hon' when trying to mansplain something to me."
“'Umm, hon, that’s not how you’re supposed to do blah blah'.”
"I’ve told him MULTIPLE times not to call me hon and to keep his opinions to himself; he just laughs it off like I’m an idiot."
"I don’t like it, and I think it’s disrespectful and misogynistic."
"My husband keeps saying Tod is just like that and he’s calling me hon to try to be nice."
"The last straw for me was when I told him to stop calling me hon once again."
"Then he had to go on a 15-minute rant about how that shouldn’t bother me because he knows about my culture cause his gf is from the same country as people in my country, and I call his girlfriend 'endearing' names all the time, and that’s the culture there; therefore, it’s okay for him to keep calling me 'hon' and I should like it, then he asked me if I’m becoming too American and if I’m forgetting my culture with a disapproving look on his face."
"I told him to please pack up his stuff and leave my house."
"My husband tried to intervene and said Tod has nowhere to stay."
"They were both saying he wasn’t being disrespectful, and I was misunderstanding his intentions, but I’ve had it."
"I told my husband either Tod leaves or I’m going to a hotel room for the week with our son, and he can think about where our marriage is going to be, and that he can marry Tod for all I f*cking care."
"So Tod left, but my husband is telling me I’m an awful person; our mutual friends have been texting me about how I shouldn’t have done that and to not take Tod seriously."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for kicking Tod out of her house.
Everyone thought that not only did Tod deserve to be kicked out of their house, but many also agreed that the OP should have gone a step further and kicked her husband out of the house as well:
"NTA."
"Tell your mutual friends that they can have Tod stay with them."
"You offered Tod food and housing, and he was ungrateful and a PITA."
"You did the right thing."
"Your husband is choosing Tod's happiness and comfort over yours."
"Your husband and Tod should go to the hotel!"- Itchy_Juice_2528
"NTA being on the spectrum isn't an excuse to be rude or consistently cross boundaries."
"It's sad everyone else, including your husband, is enabling his behavior."
"Good on you for speaking up, and Tod can stay with those friends if they care so much about him."- LilJaegerBomb
"NTA, but this is a husband problem more than a Tod problem."- disasterous_cape
"He knows he was obnoxious."
"He thought there would be no consequences."
"Good for you."
"If husband would rather be with Tod than stand up for his wife, he can go to a hotel, too."
"NTA."- GnomieOk4136
"NTA."
"The world needs more women like you and children to witness it."
"Men like Tod exist because they've somehow been allowed to feel they're better or more important than women."
"I'm on the spectrum too but I know how to be respectful."
"You're doing the right thing, but it sounds like your husband and friends have some learning to do too."
"Is there something about this incident that is out of character for you?"- Gr1mR3p0
"NTA."
"Tod is not the Problem."
"Tod is a Symptom of your Husband problem."- INCSlayer
"NTA, someone asks you not to call them something, and you keep doing it; that's disrespectful. Giving you a 15-minute lecture on your own culture is extremely disrespectful."
"I am guessing Tod has money issues because he can't keep a job because he's always disrespectful."- lord_buff74
"NTA."
"He should have been keeping his mouth shut if he wanted to stay."
"And other friends can take him in."- Sea-Camp-32
"NTA."
"Tod disrespected you repeatedly."
"The bigger issue though is your husband failing to have your back."- bitchimgandalf
"NTA."
“'On the spectrum' does not mean 'permission to be an AH'.”
"People on the spectrum are usually hyperaware of not repeating a behavior they’ve been told is a no-go."
"Like…extremely aware and careful about it."
"That’s not what he’s doing, cause he isn’t 'on the spectrum' he’s got friends who make excuses for him, and have decided that autism is a pass for bad behavior."
"This is insulting to all folks who actually have autism, and really struggle."
"Sounds like you were very clear in your dislike of the term and the behavior and he chose to step on that line over and over and then tell you what your feelings are allowed to be."
"Rude to the extreme."
"And your HTB and friend group who enable this behavior are as big a problem as he is."- Armadillo_Abroad
"Oh and NTA."
"Tod is racist too."- SharksAndFrogs
"NTA."
"You have a husband problem who doesn't respect you or your culture, and enables his a-hole friend to treat you like that in your own home."- WholeAd2742
"NTA."
"Tod sounds awful, and your husband is scared of not pleasing his friend more than not hurting you."
"You did the right thing."- NotBossOfMe
"NTA."
"Both your husband and Tod are."
"If you’re not comfortable with Tod in your home he shouldn’t have been there in the first place."
"You and your son should be your husband’s first concern."
"Tod also sets a bad example for your son."
"Since he was there, your husband should have set ground rules with Tod and told him if broken he would have to immediately leave."
"Your husband needs to get his priorities straight."- Kayman718
Friend or not, it's surprising that the OP didn't even feel compelled to address Tod's lack of gratitude.
Even more surprising is that he didn't seem even slightly upset by how hurt and uncomfortable the OP was by the way Tod spoke to her.
Perhaps the most telling part of this story is that while all their mutual friends had no trouble putting down the OP for how she treated Tod, no one else was willing to host him.
