There are several unspoken rules of dating amongst friends.
These included dating the exes of close friends, dating your friend’s siblings without talking to them about it first, or asking someone out that you know your close friend has a crush on.
Frustratingly, rules that are unspoken or unofficial mean that they will almost inevitably be broken, as no one truly knows when they’re breaking them.
Redditor aitata3726 was more than willing to offer help to a friend who found himself in something of a predicament.
But the original poster (OP) was ready to completely rescind this help after learning about a recent romantic encounter of his,
Something the OP felt was a complete breach of trust, but her friend firmly believed was none of her business.
Wondering if she had overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA ‘threatening’ to kick out my coworker/roommate for kissing my best friend?”
The OP explained how they felt betrayed by their friend and colleague after they opened their home to them, and became tempted to throw them out.
“Around February I (23) let my coworker, Jayden (25) and his daughter Lia (6) move in.”
“We were coworkers and friends for 3 years, and he’s always been so funny, smart, and cute.”
“We became really close friends.”
“Unfortunately work decided they can’t afford to keep everyone and have been making cuts, and Jayden was basically forced to quit.”
“I know he was really worried about his rent and everything and my roommate was leaving so I offered for him to stay with me and we worked out an agreement.”
“We decided that while he’s still looking for a job he’d deal with all the chores and errands and housework.”
“It’s honestly been amazing having him live with me, he’s SUCH a great cook, and Lia has actually been really well behaved and sweet.”
“He’s helped me out a lot and I really enjoy being able to spend all this time with him.”
“He has found some part-time work but nothing that pays enough for him to live alone, so we’ve mostly kept our agreement, just with me doing more and him helping pay a little.”
“My friends have come over quite a few times, and obviously met him.”
“Last weekend I had a bunch of my friends stay over.”
“I thought it went great but the next day Lia told me she saw Jayden kiss my best friend.”
“I was really upset and Jayden and I ended up arguing about it.”
“I told him how betrayed I felt.”
“He tried to say it was fine, that apparently that kiss ‘wasn’t intentional’ and he didn’t say anything because they ‘didn’t know what it meant.'”
“But it’s still wrong, I’m doing so much only for him to do this to me.”
“I got upset and told him that he will have to leave if he just wants to take advantage of my kindness.”
“That I don’t want to live with someone who betrays me like that.”
“He was offended and just tried to act like it was no big deal and I was being crazy.”
“He thinks I ‘have no right’ to say anything about his love life, even though it’s my best friend and I’m doing so much for him.”
“Our talk didn’t really work but I did talk to my best friend, and she agreed to back off.”
“The last few days have been horrible and he doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong.”
“I’ve tried to talk again, but he now refuses to and has been really cold, and told me that he’ll move out as soon as he can.”
“I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong, it’s his own fault.”
“I want to work this out, but he shouldn’t be going around kissing my friends.”
“But the fighting has really upset Lia, and obviously Jayden thinks I’m an a**hole even if he’s being selfish.”
“I’M NOT JEALOUS!”
“This isn’t about that.”
“I’m not in love with him or anything, I’d know if I was.”
“This is just about him betraying me, about him going behind my back.”
“It’s just rude and ungrateful to sneak around and do what he did.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP earned little to no support from the Reddit community, who all but unanimously agreed that the OP was the a**hole for the way she behaved towards Jayden.
Everyone agreed that Jayden kissing the OP’s friend was none of her business.
They were also confused by exactly how Jayden “betrayed” her like she claimed he did, and despite her claims, everyone believed the OP was, indeed, jealous.
“How is this a betrayal of you?”
“Did you tell him you wanted to kiss that friend?”
“What did he do to you?”
“Kiss you? No.”
“Kiss someone else to you?”
“I’m confused about how he did anything to you by kissing someone else?”
“Unless your friend didn’t want to be kissed by him, I’m failing to see what he did wrong.”
“Why do you think you get to tell him who he can kiss?”
“Because he lives with you?”
“Being selfish by?”
“Kinda sounds like you think he owes you a kiss or something.”- BigBigBigTree
“Look, if you caught feelings for him and didn’t tell him, that’s on you.”
“Even if you did tell him and he rebuffed you, he did not betray you.”
“I genuinely don’t get your issue.”
“Sounds like you’re jealous.”
“I don’t understand what the issue is at all.”- Defiant-Currency-518
“Oh, you’re a ‘nice girl’.”
“You helped him out and now you think he owes you what?”
“NO ONE betrayed you.”
“Your roommate kissed your friend.”
“You have LITERALLY NO RIGHTS over his love life.”
“It’s super scary that you think this man owes you again.”
“OMG would you freak out if the little kid calls someone else ‘mommy’?”
“Because you think he’s your boyfriend, so you probably think that the kid is now yours as well.”
“Scary, scary stuff.”
“Please see a therapist who will help you understand why you can’t ‘own’ people.”
“You don’t own your best friend.”
“Jayden and your bf are two consenting adults and can do as they please.”
“How could this possibly be a betrayal?”
“Work out what?”
“Why would he want to live with such a drama queen?”- Rastavaray
“It seems like you wanted to build a family so unless you left a big detail out, you’re jealous and angry it wasn’t you.”- Educational_Race5679
“Your best friend and Jayden are both consenting adults and neither is romantically linked to you.”
“What they choose to do is their business, not yours.”- VerySurlyPerson
“Jesus you are possessive of someone that you aren’t even with.”- chill_stoner_0604
“Unless you are in an exclusive relationship with Jayden, or your friend didn’t want to be kissed and expressed that it was against her consent, YTA.”
“Your best friend and Jayden are two consenting adults.”- litt3lli0n
“So he’s your boyfriend, he just didn’t know it?”
“He is not your boyfriend and can kiss or have intimate time with anyone he wants and you have no right to say anything.”
“If you’re jealous and want a relationship with this person then ask him out.”
“Just accept the answer he gives as you are not entitled to anything.”- Cy0eraeth
“You left out your gender, but I think it’s pretty obvious you have a crush on Jayden.”
“Even if the kiss was unintentional, as long as it was consensual between two adults, why do you care?”
“How is that ‘taking advantage of your kindness’?”
“You are strangely hung up on this whole idea of you doing so much for him that he, owes you, I guess?”
“But owes you what?”
“Honestly, it’s probably better for everyone if he moves out because you’ve got some jealousy issues you need to work on.”- AllHailLordCthulu
“How close am I if I think you had a crush on funny, smart and cute Jayden, and offered him a really good bargain to keep him in your apartment so you’d have a chance with him, and you’re punishing him because he doesn’t share your feelings and therefore you feel like he betrayed you?”
“Like maybe he owes you affection/relationship because you’re ‘doing so much only for him to do this for me’?”
“Because I think I’m pretty damn close.”- TemptingPenguin369
It’s hard not to think that the OP does, indeed, have feelings for Jayden based on the way they behaved.
As otherwise, he didn’t do anything that two consenting adults didn’t have every right to do.
If the OP is simply angry because she didn’t act on her feelings soon enough, and now it’s too late, she truly has no one to blame for that but herself.
Leaving one to almost hope that Jayden can find a new living situation for his daughter and himself, as living with the OP is bound to be awkward for the foreseeable future.