Weddings aren't just expensive for the people getting married; they can be expensive for guests, too.
Consider the attire, time off work, travel, and gifts.
That's why some wedding parties can get out of hand financially.
Redditor u/raffsrulz found themselves in a dilemma regarding the booze receipts at a pre-wedding party, so they turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Like AITA, the AITAH subreddit lets posters ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both of which AITA bans. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
They asked:
"AITAH for ordering a $70 drink at my sisters pre-wedding party?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"Context..."
"My sister, who presumes to live a lavish life, had a destination pre-wedding party for family and friends alike."
"In the invite, they specified that they would cover all expenses for the invitees."
"When I arrived, I was approached by the Groom, my soon-to-be B[rither]-I[n]-Law] stating he knew that I liked Whiskey and that it wasn't originally covered on their open bar tab, but to, and I quote: 'Ask for anything you want, bro, I got you. He'll get a bottle for yourself and your friends if you like.'"
"I declined the bottle offering and chose to only ask for a couple of drinks (2 doubles)."
"My mistake that I fully own is that I did not ask for the pricing of the drink menu items offered (I was shown a menu with no prices, that kind of place)."
"Several days later, my sister asks me to pay the tab for the drinks I had, as it came out that each drink cost $150 a pop."
"I have since paid my share (3/4s of my tab) but now wonder if I was in the wrong here."
The OP was left to wonder:
"Am I in the wrong for not responding? AITAH?
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
"I wouldn’t have paid. $300 for two doubles?"
"They’re crazy for taking normal people to a place like this." ~ HappyHavoc20
"I recently went to a super expensive place where a friend got a $150 item more than the rest of us."
"I told him I was paying at the beginning, but he pulled the waiter aside to pay for this item separately."
"I think that’s the most classy thing to do." ~ Tricky-Wrap-2578
"For real, and even saying he could order a bottle."
"The bottle itself would probably be close to the drinks ordered or more depending on how nice it is, so what the hell was the difference between the drinks and the bottle at that point?"
"Not OP's problem; they couldn't back up the offer."
"You shouldn't act like that if you can't actually back it up."
"OP: NTA."
"The fiancé offered; that's not your problem."
"How would you get a bottle of nice whiskey for you and your friends if $150 is too much?"
"I don't know a whole lot about whiskey, but I know enough that a nice bottle is not cheap and would likely be pretty close to the cost, if not more, than what your drinks cost."
"If there are no prices, how would you know?"
"And honestly, why would you think to ask if he was willing to cover a whole bottle?"
"I don't know, very ridiculous situation."
"Basically, you gotta choose if $150 is worth causing a rift with your sister or not."
"Well, idk y'all's relationship and if you guys are close or how reactive she is to being called out/being told she is wrong and if that would cause a rift."
"If you could be like your fiancée told me, I could even get a bottle, and she would be like, oops, okay, and let it go (which I doubt since you are posting here), then you could choose that."
"You could also choose to let it go and just not trust them again, cuz obviously they don't mean what they say."
"Or you could choose some of the petty options too."
"You just gotta decide what is more important to you." ~ saturday_night_wrist
"NTA, I don't understand how you could possibly be the a**hole here."
"You ordered just as he said and didn't flinch when they asked you to pay them back for it."
"If anything, your sister/fiancé is kind of the a**holes for asking you to pay them back in the first place after taking you to the kind of place where prices aren't on the menu and telling you to get whatever you wanted."
"You sound like a reasonable person here." ~ eightyfiveMRtwo
"NTA whatsoever."
"They picked the venue."
"A crazy expensive venue that doesn't put prices on their menu."
"BIL told you specifically to get whatever you want, rather emphatically."
"They wanted to be fancy and look fancy."
"And then your sister asks you to pay?"
"I guess it depends on how she asked."
"I'd be ok with an embarrassed 'hey, I'm so sorry to ask this, but we had no idea it was going to get so expensive and are now over budget, so would you mind helping with your bar tab?'"
"Anything beyond that would get a GTFO from me." ~ zoeybeattheraccoon
"NTA technically, but I still think you might have been in the wrong."
"I think it depends a lot on the culture."
"In Australia and the UK (I think the US would be quite different), a host will generally try to be kind and offer for you to get what you want, but generally you would be polite and order something that is within a normal price range."
"If you wouldn’t pay for it yourself because it’s too expensive, then it’s a bit cheeky to order it because someone else is paying."
"It’s very uncomfortable to tell someone a budget, so this is unspoken etiquette and kind of common sense where I’m from."
"Also, as a family member, you should have an idea of what is reasonable and within budget for your sister and brother-in-law. ‘Help yourself and order what you like’ is a grey area, and it’s up to you to interpret what that means depending on whether they’re very wealthy or a young working-class family."
"If you know that expensive whiskey would be a lot of money for them, I don’t think you should have taken what your brother-in-law said so literally." ~ RagingFrodo
"Agreed. 100%."
"I always pay the tab when I go out for dinner because I have expensive tastes."
"I won’t ask my friends to subsidize my tastes with an even split, and that whole thing of trying to split the check by line item makes me cringe."
"My friends love going out with me because they know it will be a nice place and they get a free meal."
"Not a single one abuses that."
"They all get the chicken or the pasta no matter what I say."
"One time someone got a Black Angus NY Strip, but Wagyu Filet Mignon was on the menu, so they still went low."
"The only exception was when a friend asked if her friend, whom I had never met, could join us.'
"I had picked a French restaurant."
"The woman who joined us was living at subsistence level and had been her whole life."
"She had never had French food."
"I told her to genuinely get what she wanted and to not look at the prices."
"I have never seen a woman that thin eat so much."
"My friend definitely took advantage of my dining policy, so her friend could get a good meal."
"That woman had every single possible course (seven if you are wondering) and relished every single bite."
"I can live with that." ~ Hopeful_but_cynical9
"NTA, because the groom said it was okay, but as a whiskey person, you should know the general ballpark of what a pour would cost."
"I understand resorts have a higher markup, but you know the difference between low, mid, and high end." ~ ConfidentFinish3580
"NTA -- there were no prices, so there's no way you could've known."
"It's fully on them for not vetting the freaking venue."
"When we hosted our rehearsal dinner at a restaurant, I requested that they remove all drink options over a certain dollar limit to avoid this very situation."
"Granted, they still had prices on their menus, and we knew no one there would be that much of an a**, but honest mistakes can still happen." ~ Birdy1072
"In most venues in the States, the bar/restaurant has an off-limits list of liquids and wines, so this doesn’t happen. I have seen people turned down for expensive whisky or bourbon, and they just say, 'That’s not included in the drink package. I can open a tab for you.'”
"This was a mistake on the wedding party's part, but you also knew you were ordering something outrageous."
"ESH including the bartender for not giving you a heads up." ~ ChiSchatze
"Basically NTA, but ESH at least somewhat."
"Sis and BIL should have been in sync."
"Sis should be cursing you privately instead of asking you to pony up at their party. "
"That said - price list, or no, if you're drinking the good stuff, you should know it's $$."
"If you know Macallan, then you should know the higher the number, the more expensive the price."
"Shruggie is not a good look here." ~ Cazique__
Reddit is mostly on your side, OP.
Your sister and BIL should've coordinated better.
This sounds like it's going to be quite the event.
Double-check the price on everything.
Good Luck.
Expectant Dad Of Two Livid After Brother Questions Why He'd Bring Another Kid Into Bleak World
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now, from the cost of living to job insecurity to food insecurity to poor housing. But that doesn't mean we have to stop living.
For many people, that means still starting and growing their families, while planning how to navigate the world we're currently in, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DesignerOwn1141 and his wife knew that the world around them wasn't at its best right now, but they were eager to grow their family and were excited to bring a third child into the world.
When they announced their pregnancy, his brother's first reaction was to send him articles about how the world was doomed and shame him for bringing a child into it; the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he needed to block his own brother.
He asked the sub:
The OP and his wife were excited to welcome a third child into their family.
"I am 33 and male. My wife is 29."
"We have two sons, a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old boy. Both are happy, healthy, and well taken care of."
"We love being parents to them, and I work very hard to provide a good life for my family."
"My wife is four months pregnant with our third."
The OP's brother's life was very different from his.
"My younger brother has been something of a failure-to-launch case."
"Despite having every advantage, he never got good grades in school, was addicted to 'League of Legends' so severely that he barely scraped by, and spends his days streaming games to nearly no viewers on Twitch."
"I've watched his stream a few times, but he just rages constantly."
"My wife is too classy to ever say so, but I can tell he makes her uncomfortable."
"He's my brother, so I've long wanted to believe he's just bad at communicating with people, but to be frank, he's sort of just an a**hole. He's unapologetic whenever he says something hurtful and more likely to just double down and say, 'No cap.'"
"But if anyone so much as challenges his views, he throws a huge fit."
The OP tried to share his happy news with his brother, but his brother immediately squandered it.
"Recently, we announced she was pregnant with our third child. It's a joyous occasion for us because we wanted three children, and our other two sons are excited about having another brother or sister."
"When I texted my brother the news, he immediately said he couldn't imagine having children with the world the way it was."
"I asked what he meant, and he started sending me these articles about global warming, the plague in Russia, wars around the world, and so on."
"He seems convinced that the world is going to end in ten years tops, and that I'm only bringing up another child to die in the 'water wars.'"
"I was honestly disgusted with him. To tell someone that their unborn child is going to die, that their other children are going to die, is absolutely abhorrent behavior."
"But since he's always been a sensitive s**thead, I just said, 'Whatever, man,' and stopped reading his texts."
"He wouldn't stop. He kept sending me every doomer article. He said that when the clouds evaporate, the earth is going to get 15 degrees hotter. He said that AI is going to hack every government database. He said that China is going to invade Taiwan, and then it'll be war with the US and allies against Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran."
The OP had had enough of his brother's negative feedback.
"Finally, I just told him I was blocking him and thought little of the decision."
"He went and cried to our parents (again, he's the most sensitive s**tbag in the world), and they told me what I did was over the top."
"I know that if I unblock him, he's just going to doomspam me again."
"Am I wrong for just straight-up saying I never want him in my life again?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that they understood why he felt the need to distance himself from his brother.
"NOR. He sounds insufferable."
"He sounds like one of those people who doesn't like his life and so wants everyone else to be miserable too, or makes excuses for why he didn't do more with his life by blaming his problems on some external crisis." - savingrain
"NOR. He's allowed to protect his peace, especially if his brother keeps ignoring boundaries and turning every conversation into another end-of-the-world prediction, and having kids is hardly a reason to apologize for trying to build a good life despite everything going on." - Upper-Cloud9097
"NOR. But your brother is on his way to a full mental breakdown. Send him back cute dog and cat videos. Cute horse videos. Ozzy animal voiceovers."
"Eventually his phone will start thinking he's like me and his feed will calm down." - Present_Original_797
"I mean, my beliefs and thoughts about the future are along the same lines as him, and that’s why I’m an anti-natalist, but there’s something called tact. And personal choice/autonomy."
"If someone chooses to have kids, that’s their choice, and I’d keep my opinions to myself and be supportive, especially if they’re a family member. Spreading doomer content is extremely insensitive and rude. NOR." - EngineerGold4242
"NOR: I wonder whether your brother is displaying sibling jealousy towards you and your family; he recognizes his own shortcomings and can see where he is in life compared to you, and that is his major issue."
"Days filled with unfulfilling computer games and doomspamming others, he has a lot of maturing to do. Block him until or unless he decides to join the adult world and be the uncle he is supposed to be." - iron_redditman
"NOR. I have all those fears and as such actively avoid news about them. I skipped whole paragraphs here for that reason too, lol."
"I’d definitely block my sibling or anybody else who did that to me. I already know all these things; I don’t need constant reminders. All I can do is work on improving my little corner of the world and trudge forward."
"Anyway, protect your peace." - hahagato
"You are not obligated to bond with someone just because you share blood. It’s your peace and your family that you need to protect now. If you decide to go zero contact, it’s perfectly okay!"
"Especially because you and your wife are in charge of two, almost three, little guys, and your mental peace affect directly to them."
"PS. Historically, the world has always been on the edge, but nothing stops us to be what we are, humans trying to get over all the s**t! So don’t let those bad things put you down. We can build a better world by raising kind, lovely people, and it seems you and your wife are doing it. Good luck!" - Camigatoespinace92
Others advised the OP to involve his parents in case they could help his brother.
"Unblock him and then send everything he texts you to both mom and dad. No comments, just forward it."
"They'll think you're sending it, and when they complain, you can tell them that you thought they'd be interested in your brother's articles as well."
"NOR." - No_Address687
"NOR. Your parents don't know the half of it. Forward everything and let them read it for themselves." - Available_Agent3305
"NOR. I’d keep him blocked; your parents are wrong. If you want to be petty, start sending your parents article after article of stuff you know they won’t like. They will get the hint soon enough." - OldieButNotMoldy
"I would also go low contact with the OP's parents. OP is clearly NOT the favorite son. Any boundaries he put up with his brother will be considered wrong. NOR." - Interesting_Novel997
"NOR, but also my first reaction is that your brother isn't a 'sensitive s**tbag,' he is struggling with anxiety/depression and maybe undiagnosed neurodivergence and is drowning in his own ruminations. None of that makes this an appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement; it's clearly not. But he sounds like someone who is clearly struggling here."
"If it were me, I'd be sending your parents anything he previously sent you. If they share your concern after reading a few articles, maybe they'll take steps to help him." - 2kidsnomoney---
"NOR. I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your brother has not been socialized normally. He is a chronically online loser who thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and does not understand there are no consequences because there are often no consequences when he does it in a league match or online."
"It frankly sounds like your concern for him and his future is budding into resentment and contempt, and I feel like, as most brothers would, those are not the feelings you want to hold towards him."
"I have a brother like this. He was diagnosed as an adult with Asperger’s and now just a spectrum autism diagnosis, but he’s a real a**."
"You may have to unblock him to communicate fairly. It may be worth doing this in person because it’s easier for the chronically online to 'craft' their retort rather than be a part of a conversation."
"Before you can do that, though, you need to sit down with your parents. You need to explain and be able to articulate that:"
"1. His reaction to the wonderful news of you having another child crossed the line and was inappropriate."
"2. There need to be reasonable consequences or boundaries because you are no longer willing to put up with that."
"3. It is his call at this point whether or not he wants to be in your life and your children’s lives."
"You have to have their buy-in; otherwise they are just going to continue to coddle and enable this behavior."
"Then you need to sit down with him and your parents, intervention style. You need to present the same argument you did to your parents, and in all honestly, I would question him in return: what was he hoping would have been the outcome of that conversation?"
"Did he want you to say he’s so right, so smart? Did he want you to go to your wife and tell her to abort? Does he feel like he is in a place in his life where he can be your family planner and manager? When he crosses a line, what does he feel should happen?"
"Only when he is directly confronted, and you have the right supports in place, can he be presented with how his behavior affected you and what that could possibly mean for his relationship with you and your growing family." - allison_mossie
The subreddit understood feeling burdened by so much negative information during what should be a happy time of planning and anticipating a new addition to the family, but the OP needed time to think about what he wanted his larger family dynamic to look like.
That might mean removing his brother, so that the OP could protect his own, and by extension, his wife's and children's, mental health, but it might mean minimizing contact with other people, too, if they weren't willing to respect the OP's boundaries he had for his family's life.