Is a gift an obligation? Some people see it that way, but is that a reasonable expectation?
What if the gift was from a relative just trying to get rid of stuff they no longer want? Is the recipient required to keep the item?
A Redditor turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback on a hypothetical "Would I Be The A**Hole" (WIBTAH) scenario over an unwanted gift from an older relative.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
DaughtersIssues12 asked:
"WIBTAH if I sold a gift from a family member?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"A family member gifted me an original Lenox Spice Village clock upon their divorce as it was a wedding gift back in the 90s. It’s not the spice set itself. It’s a clock that went with the original 90s set. I am expected to receive the rest of the set (village, canisters, tableware, etc...) at some point in the future."
"What I will use and display is the spice village itself. It’s 24 Victorian houses that hold spices. This is a clock that was sold as a piece of the original 90s set that also had like 15 other pieces that are auxiliary to the actual spice houses. There’s also a teapot, recipe card holder, coffee mugs, cookie jar size houses, salt/pepper shakers, and many more."
"You could outfit an entire kitchen with this stuff. But the clock is something that doesn’t match my decor, isn’t sentimental, and is not a core part of what I will get eventually. The spice houses should always stay together, I don’t currently have those."
"This family member did not want to see it in their home any longer and also did not want to donate it. They do not want it back. This particular piece is a bit rare, but does not go with any of my decor and I have too much sitting around the house and am purging prior to the holidays."
"It’s not a particularly sentimental piece and I have many other 'gifts' (I say that loosely as I was given a lot when the divorce was occurring) from this person around my home and we don’t have a super great relationship at the moment and haven’t for the last year or so."
"I’m the only member of my generation who has put roots down anywhere, and the amount of stuff coming from older family members has become a massive burden. I have had this particular piece for 8 years, and it’s been on display, but also collecting dust."
"This family member’s generation has all moved into retirement communities. Add in that my husband is the only grandchild on his side….it's A LOT of stuff to deal with."
"This family member is moving into a retirement community and downsizing again. I have refused more items they think are too nice to donate, but do not want to keep themselves."
"Getting anything out of her house has been a huge uphill battle, and she went from a 7k sqft house to 3k and kept almost everything, and now is moving to a two-bedroom condo and still having a hard time letting go of things if she can’t find a family member to take it."
"I’m the only member of my generation that has ever been willing to take anything from older family members. But my home has become a dumping ground."
"I have continually offered to help her sell items. She places more monetary value on most things than she could ever reasonably get for the items and instead just keeps things piled in her home because she’s placed some inherent value on it because she paid something for it many years ago."
"I have multiple family members like this. It’s really just so exhausting."
"At what point am I expected to keep everything when there’s so much stuff floating around?"
"I also would not feel any particular way about someone selling a gift I gave them, unless it was an actual family heirloom (in that case I’d want the option to take or buy it back, but this is not an heirloom)."
"I plan to put the money in my daughter’s savings account for college."
"WIBTAH if I sell it, particularly if I don’t tell them I am doing so?"
"We do not live geographically close and they likely won’t notice it missing from my home when they visit, which is not often."
OP later added:
"Clarification: this was given to me 8 years ago. It is not a new gift I would accept only to sell. It has been on display in my home for all that time."
"I have a lot of actual sentimental items from this family member in my home. This family member is not sentimental about it, but also places a lot of value on things (literally everything is 'oh I paid xyz for that you can’t just donate it')and hates how Goodwill operates."
Some Redditors weighed in using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was fine to sell the gift (NTA/WNBTA).
"You WNBTA. Once a gift is given, it's yours to do with as you like. If the giver has strong feelings on what you do with it, offer them first dibs. If they decline, sell it. One additional advantage to this is they will stop giving you stuff they don't want anymore." ~ WasWawa
"A gift belongs to the recipient. No one seems to want this poor clock. Therefore, you can sell it. No need to mention it to the family. You indicated you are not close to the giver, who will probably never notice. Go for it." ~ RetiredNFlorida
"A gift is yours to do with as you please; otherwise, it's a contract you didn't get to agree to the terms of beforehand." ~ star_b_nettor
"NTA. You’ve probably already heard this, but when someone gifts you an item, it belongs to you. If you can get some money out of it, even better. The Lennox spice Village line is really cute, but definitely not my style either."
"I had to explain to a friend that just because she had every Pfaltzgraff item you can imagine in a certain pattern, that didn’t mean her son and his husband wanted them. She was shocked after she bought a whole huge set secondhand, and they declined the gift." ~ HotDonnaC
"NTA. I don't know if I'm reading a different post, but if it was a wedding gift from however long ago and it reminds them of the divorce... first, they themselves did not actually pay for it, and why should you have to be reminded of their divorce as well? As well as serve as storage for it with no compensation."
"It's been 8 years of you owning it, as far as I can tell it's not a conditional gift. Go ahead and sell it. You are not donating it, and it's unwanted by both parties on this side of the sale. When/if you get the other pieces of the set, reach out to the buyer and see if they want to purchase any of it. It's not an heirloom and it's just stuff." ~ alohakush
"Once a gift is given, it is yours to do as you wish! Hide it in an attic or sell it, it isn't their business anymore. The only thing I would consider is if there is anyone else in your family who may enjoy it, especially since you say you will get more pieces eventually." ~ Timetodeflate
"NTA, had to Google this, but I understand why you don’t want it. It’s definitely… a specific aesthetic? I am like 3 years older than it!"
"I mean, if you don’t want to keep it, and you can find a collector who will pay, then sell it. The way I see it is that someone who values it will get it, money will go into your daughter’s college fund, and so it’s positive all around." ~ MartinisnMurder
"NTA. The clock is yours and yours to do as you wish with. People should not give gifts like that and expect to see them taking up space in your home if this is not what the recipient wants."
"Listen, she wanted it out of her house, and you helped with that. If you can now convert it into something more valuable to you like your daughter's education, then so be it. I never give gifts with expectations. After all, they are only things, and we all have so many things cluttering up our lives these days." ~ Realistic_Head4279
"NTA It was a gift. Gifts are given without restrictions, or they are not actually gifts. You're not buying yourself something; even though you could, you are providing for your child. Do what you want with your property." ~ OriginalTDQ
Reddit decided that after a gift is given, it belongs to the recipient.
OP can do whatever they want with their own possessions.
