For many, gift-giving 101… is always keeping the receipts.
Not being able to return or exchange a gift is the driving force behind the popularity of the gift card.
Gift cards may feel impersonal, but a lot of the time they’re just easier.
Nobody wants to hurt anyone’s feelings by shunning a gift.
But some people can have real issues with what they hand out.
Redditor EnigmaGuy wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“WIBTA if I returned a birthday gift from my partner for the second year in a row?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My birthday is around the corner and my partner surprised me with an outing with some close family members at a nice restaurant and then we went back to our house to cap off the evening with drinks, cake, and some gifts.”
“As I opened up gifts, I had a smorgasbord of things that would be enjoyed – mostly small snacks (candies and jerky) as well as small gift cards for local food places I can run to on the way home on longer workdays instead of worrying about what I’d have to cook when getting home.”
“All in all, they know me pretty well.”
“The problem arises with my partner and his gift-giving.”
“He is VERY materialistic and thinks if the gift is not a big or well-known brand then it is not worth having or giving.”
“A few examples over the years…”
“- One year he got me a coat with a fur-lined hood that while it was a nice coat, it was 100% not something I’d ever worn or showed interest in wearing.”
“I’m basically like King Midas’ pigpen cousin – everything I touch gets dirty immediately, hence I tend to buy cheaper things that I do not mind getting worn and torn.”
“- Another year he got me a ‘Puma’ outfit which consisted of mostly white with some black trim shoes that were a bit too tight and a hoodie that was at least one size too small.”
“Had to return and get a bigger size shoe, but they did not have the next size up hoodie for that style which is likely why he got the smaller size at the time.”
“- Last year he got me a Keurig coffee maker which I had heard good things about but came to realize it was not ideal for me for two reasons…”
“1) It was much larger than my current coffee maker, and would not easily fit on the counter under the shelves and…”
“2) It would either make a single serving cup via a pod, or an entire pot which felt like a waste when I would basically just have two cups in the morning.”
“For the Keurig, ended up telling him to return it, but it was already outside of the return window because he had bought it way early and just had it waiting to give me.”
“So I ended up giving it to his mother instead who had a small coffee business at the time.”
“Thought that was the end of it…”
“Until today.”
“He got me some nice cologne and a nice hoodie (though too small again) however the main gift he got me was another coffee maker.”
“This time a Ninja brand but almost the exact same footprint as the Keurig where it will not easily fit under the shelf and I’d have to turn it sideways where it is teetering on the sink lip for the plug to reach.”
“He’s already made the comment about how it was expensive and I better not want to return it like the last one.”
“I feigned excitement since we had other family members over, but after seeing how big it is and it is likely going to be the same issue as the Keurig I have no intention of using it.”
“I am 100% fine with my $30 Mr. Coffee and do not need one with all the different brewing modes and other bells and whistles.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So, WIBTA if I told him I want to return it while it’s still in the return period?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP would NOT BE the A**hole.
“My husband has done this a few times, where it’s gifts that are really for him.”
“BUT he’d own that and would also get me other things on my wishlist (things he thinks are lame lol but that I legitimately want).”
“I’m similar to a lot of men in that I’ll buy what I need/want for myself, but for the few months leading to Christmas I’ll hold off on purpose.”
“My husband is also a great shopper and has this insane ability to know my size.”
“Like can look at a garment marked as my size, know it won’t fit, and go up or down.”
“He’d never buy a size too small in purpose and expect me to exchange it or ‘get to that size.'”
“That’s f**king crazy.”
“NTA. Your B[oy]F[riend] sounds like even if he did pay attention, he doesn’t give a s**t.” ~ ElsieReboot
“NTA. Tell him to return the coffee maker, or his mother will have yet another one for her coffee shop.”
“He needs to pay closer attention and less money.”
“It’s not your fault he overlooks and then overrides your preferences.” ~ AtlJazzy2024
“This is exactly it.”
“Buying clothes too small is just disrespectful in any capacity.”
“Either you check these sizes and ensure with your partner that it’s what they’re ok with, or you don’t get it.”
“If OP had even lost weight it would surely be the size smaller again.”
“They’re just doing this so he can reorganize your life to their style, OP.”
“Really consider whether you want to be with this person. NTA.” ~ Active_Tea9115
“I think his spending is a bit of a red flag…”
“He has a taste for designer and expensive things for what seems like status reasons instead of simply liking them but is buying them on credit because he can’t afford them.”
“That can be harmless now but it can get BAD quick.”
“He thinks money = value which is an unhealthy mindset for a lot of reasons.”
“1 something being expensive doesn’t mean it’s good.”
“In fact, lots of designer handbags are of terrible quality OR are made of the exact same material as the cheaper versions but because it’s the company’s ‘fancy’ brand has a higher price point.”
“2. This is usually a sign someone will descend into living outside of their means.”
“Going into debt or making serious purchases like houses or cars that end up being serious problems as they are only valuable in a superficial sense and are riddled with problems dragging you into financial hell as they keep trying to maintain an image.”
“There are a few guys on Youtube that break down these designer products and show how these $2500 Gucci and Prada bags are only worth about $200 max.”
“It also says a lot that he DOES know what you want but ignores it.”
“He doesn’t care what you want, he wants you to want what he would want.”
“Definitely something you want to have a serious talk with him about.” ~ Razzlesndazzles
“Info: Does your partner know you?”
“Does he listen to you?”
“This seems to go beyond gift-giving, to be honest.” ~ twelvedayslate
OP responded…
“I like to think he does, but I also feel like he is trying too hard for his budget.”
“He makes much less money at his new job than his previous job, and most of his recent gifts have been from places he has a credit card through that he can finance and pay off over time (more recently the big gifts seem like they’re from Best Buy).”
“I told him I do NOT want him going into debt for me for either my birthday or Christmas after learning the thing he got me last Christmas.”
“It took him until June to pay off the card.”
Reddit continued…
“Definitely NTA.”
“But what I’m so baffled about is – does this guy not have eyes?”
“From your post, it sounds as if you do most of the food sourcing, but still, he lives there too, right?”
“He must know where the plug is in the kitchen.”
“I’m not even getting into the sizes of the clothes because that just sounds like he half-a**es his presents in an ‘Eh, will probably do’ kind of way, which lines up with the part where I knew how many cups of coffee my last boyfriend drank within a couple of weeks, and he somehow doesn’t consider your coffee habits at all despite you being married.” ~ MsWuMing
“WNBTA. Even if he’s materialistic, it’s a common sense thing to buy the correct size clothes and appliances.”
“I find it highly unlikely that he makes the same poor fit choices (clothing or appliances) when buying expensive items for himself.”
“I also think it’s unlikely that he’d appreciate getting expensive gifts that don’t work, don’t fit, or he finds aesthetically repulsive enough to shove in the back of a closet.”
“He seems to view you as a prop rather than a person.”
“He doesn’t even care about your feelings or your enjoyment of your birthday present.”
“He cares about his feelings about money and the image he wants to project as the giver.”
“He cares about controlling your response to that projection.”
“There’s a serious problem going on that has nothing to do with crappy gifts.” ~ Here_IGuess
“NTA. If the gift isn’t practical for you and you’ve communicated your preferences before, it’s reasonable to want to return it it’s your birthday, not his ego boost.” ~ AubreeyWalker
“NTA – not every gift is perfect, not every gift is going to be what you want.”
“Sometimes, it just doesn’t fit. If anything, he’s being a bit pushy by telling you ‘You better not want to return it.'”
“This is suggesting to me that there are some uncomfortable feelings and annoyance with you returning the gifts and a lack of understanding of what makes a good gift.” ~ AnonAnontheAnony
“Nope NTA. Large kitchen appliances that don’t fit in the kitchen and take up valuable real estate suck.”
“Unlike clothing, which you can generally just choose not to wear, appliances become a huge burden (and that’s not to say if it was clothing you shouldn’t return it either).”
“So definitely get him to return it.”
“And pray that he starts getting the hint that his gift-giving ideas are terrible.” ~ YesterdayLast3609
“NTA. It’s not cute or nice to get someone something they don’t want.”
“He’s just showing he doesn’t know you or listen to you at all, but in a way that you feel like a jerk if you correct him.”
“It’s actually insane that he bought you something exactly like the last thing you didn’t want.”
“And the comment about ‘you better not return it’ (which also was a shi**y thing to say) should have been countered with ‘then LISTEN and get me something I actually want or can use.'” ~ axley58678
“NTA. He is being passive-aggressive.”
“He is merely setting you up to play it like you are ungrateful: his problem with the clothing size clothing is so consistent – he’s obviously not learning.”
“Well, if he wanted to, he would.”
“He’s showing he doesn’t care.”
“The ‘better not’ about returning it was a preview of the coming storm if you do exchange it for something that meets your needs.”
“You are being set up.” ~ SalisburyGrove
“NTA. It’s flattering he sees you as smaller than you are, it just isn’t realistic.”
“I would open an Amazon list for the gift-challenged man, then you can put things you want or need, a wealth of different cost options and you can do this all year round. It’s just easier.” ~ ShadowsPrincess53
Reddit is clear, you would not be in the wrong OP.
This is why most people know to always keep the receipts.
It sounds like your partner needs a reality check in financials.
And it feels like his gift-giving is less about the thought for you and more about how it will make him feel.
He’s got it all backward.
Return away!