Office money pools initially seem like a good idea.
Everyone puts in a little something to celebrate other co-workers.
Simple and kind situation.
But they can fall apart fast.
Then morale can get awkward.
Redditor Rare-Ad1179 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
"AITA for removing my name from a group gift after my coworkers changed the plan?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"At my workplace, a few coworkers organized a group gift for our manager’s birthday."
"The original plan was simple: everyone who wanted to participate would chip in a small amount for a gift card and a card."
"I agreed and sent my contribution right away."
"A couple of days later, the organizer messaged the group saying they decided to upgrade the gift to something more expensive and asked everyone to send additional money."
"I replied, saying I’d prefer to stick with the original plan since that’s what I agreed to."
"A few others said the same thing."
"The organizer said it would look bad if some people didn’t contribute equally, and started listing names of people who hadn’t sent the extra money yet, including mine."
"I wasn’t comfortable with that, so I asked them to remove my name from the group gift entirely and refund my original contribution."
"They pushed back and said it would be awkward to remove my name after the gift had already been planned."
"I insisted, and eventually they refunded me and took my name off. "
"Now, a couple of coworkers are saying I made things unnecessarily complicated and that I should have just gone along with it to avoid tension."
"From my perspective, I agreed to one thing, and they changed it after the fact."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITA for withdrawing from the group gift after they increased the amount without everyone agreeing?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"NTA. As Ask A Manager says, gifts at work should flow downstream, not upstream."
"Bosses should buy gifts for subordinates."
"The employees already make less than the boss, and now you want the employees to spend MORE?"
"Nope." ~ Ok-Temperature3562
"I don't think the manager should be buying gifts either."
"Work is work."
"Wish folks a happy birthday, bringing a cake, but if you do, you have to bring one in for everybody's birthday."
"Not everybody wants their co-workers to know or wishes them happy birthday either."
"Putting money getting swapped around when it includes a manager is always a bad idea in my opinion." ~ mostly_lurking1040
"NTA. Personally, I’ve always been grossed out when subordinates do anything more than a card and/or sentimental gift like a framed team photo for their boss."
"What is this trend?"
"Just like 'Boss’s Day.'”
"Every day is Boss’s Day!"
"Report this incident to H[uman] R[esources], as you will be facing blowback." ~ National_Pension_110
"That's an easy NTA."
"F**k peer pressure."
"If you don't want to do something, no amount of social convention should force you to do it."
"Of course, when you make a choice like this, you have to be ready for the potential consequences; less likely to be considered for a promotion, being ostracized, etc."
"But it doesn't make you an AH for sticking to your guns." ~ lurkmastur9000
"Your manager doesn’t need gifts from the workers."
"A birthday card is enough."
"Don’t get involved in these things at your job."
"It’s not appropriate." ~ FormerlyDK
"Staff should not be spending money on a manager, beyond a card and maybe a cake."
"If this is normal in your workplace, it's gross. NTA."
"ETA - The company should pay for both the cake and the card, and employees could be asked to sign the card." ~ Quick-Possession-245
"NTA. The manager makes more than all of you, so give them a card and something simple, if you want to acknowledge their birthday."
"Also, whoever is organizing birthdays in a company should do this for all staff, not just managers." ~ BlondDee1970
"NTA, and honestly, in some workplaces, taking gifts from subordinates is more than frowned on."
"In my experience, too, the organizers of these things are the ones to do the presenting and get the gracious."
"Thanks and the Halo brownie effect points."
"It's a bit much." ~ mostly_lurking1040
"To be fair, the manager may be embarrassed to have received the gift and annoyed with the organizer for putting them and their coworkers in an awkward position."
"Anyone who did this to me would not be earning any brownie points."
"They’d likely get an email from me and/or HR telling them to never do it again." ~ Tall-Ear-3406
"First of all, gifts flow DOWN in the workplace."
"It is completely inappropriate for brown-nosers to pressure coworkers to contribute their own money to a fit for someone who makes more than they do."
"There is an inherent imbalance of power, and it is never okay to collect money from someone’s subordinates, ask their peers, or their supervisors."
"This whole situation is gross. NTA." ~ FiFi_Green
"NTA. We need to do away with this workplace culture of everyone being required to gift their bosses and coworkers."
'It puts unnecessary pressure on people who may not have the extra money."
"No one should be obligated to participate in these things." ~ GetYourOwnJams
"I don't understand getting your manager a gift for their birthday in the first place."
"I'd want to keep work and birthdays mostly separate, at most bringing cake if it's my birthday."
"And changing the gift to a more expensive one is a shi**y move, especially after you've already given your contribution, so NTA." ~ Readicilous
"NTA. The AH is the organizer who changed the plan."
"It's possible that they had a gift in mind and not enough people participated, so they were coming back to those who did in order to make the amount."
"OR, they got more participants than they thought, and they were close to a better gift."
"But whatever the reason, they shouldn't have changed the amount."
"I agree with other commenters saying that gifts flow downhill."
"I once drew my boss's name in a Secret Santa thing, and I felt I had to put a lot of thought and effort into getting good gifts right at the edge of the spending limit."
"Even though the total was less than $30, it felt wrong somehow either way."
"Conversely, our shipping coordinator just left the company, and I gladly chipped in $20 for a gift, because she was always very helpful." ~ 1962Michael
"NTA. I organize gifts at my work."
"We have bought for everyone on the team for a loss or retirement, or even a grandpa shower one time."
"Life events."
"I send the emails out, I make it clear the gift will be based on donations."
"If I get $5.00 from one and $20 from another, it’s still a gift from all of us."
"I have a few co-workers who can’t afford to contribute, and their name still goes on it."
"Donations are just that, optional."
"They are under no obligation to contribute."
"Sometimes the gift is a present we one time gave a luggage set to a retiree."
"And another time gave a Delta gift card to travel."
"The person collecting is all about themself and could honestly be turned into HR as they are demanding equal payments when gifting is optional."
"I can never share what others contribute."
"Just the total $ amount." ~ Mooshu1981
"It would appear that your coworkers may be okay with modified terms of the contract.'
"Congratulations for holding true and reneging when the terms changed."
"As a business owner who enforces contracts, it's the most important thing in business to be authentic and to stick to the terms of the deal."
"Wavering and modifying a deal when it's already in motion is a bad look, and your coworker should take this as a lesson."
"You did nothing wrong and should be commended."~ iKnowRobbie
"NTA - I am a teacher."
"We have potluck lunches once per month."
"My grade level 'team' decided one time that our contribution would be pizza and assumed I would pay $10 to order pizza for the staff."
"They were very upset when I did not give any money."
"I never agreed to do this. I had already signed up to bring a dessert, and I definitely wasn't going to do both."
"They complained to anyone who would listen."
"Only two pizzas were eaten, out of five." ~ LilacSlumber
"NTA, you agreed to chip in a certain amount for a certain gift."
"Had the person purchasing the gift gone to buy it and realized the cost had increased, they should have consulted the group before moving forward."
"It is the same as if everyone agreed to chip in $5 for pizza, and the buy went out and got steak dinners instead, and looked for everyone to pony up."
"The person who made it more complicated than it should have been was the purchaser."
"Way to stand up for yourself." ~ Justachick20
"NTA. They changed the deal after people had already agreed, then tried to publicly shame anyone who didn’t cough up more; that’s on them, not you."
"Honestly, the organizer is the one who made it awkward, not you, and workplace gift stuff gets weird fast when people start acting like your paycheck belongs to the group chat." ~ ribbongirlmode
"NTA - You agreed to the original plan."
"When they altered it, and then actually listed the names of the people who hadn't paid the new amount, THAT was when they turned into the assholes."
"The worst part seems to be the publishing of the names to guilt people."
"I likely would have reported them to HR once that happened."
"That is NOT acceptable." ~ UltraRunner42
Reddit is on your side, OP.
Your co-worker changed the plan.
It's up to them to cover the difference.
They made the situation awkward first.
