Finding the perfect gift for a significant other can be difficult.
Everybody wants to shower loved ones with things that make them feel good about themselves.
But shopping and searching can be an arduous process for a lot of people.
Not everybody loves the thought of the gift search.
So one has to hope for the best.
It doesn’t always go over well.
Redditor Sufficient-Effort-60 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for getting my girlfriend a birthday gift she hates?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I feel like this is kinda overreacting but maybe I’m just wrong.”
“My G[irl]F[riend]’s (26 F[emale]) birthday was coming up and I wanted to get her something really nice.”
“Throughout our relationship, I’ve noticed that she does her makeup on the floor in front of a mirror and it always looks so uncomfortable.”
“She has complained of it several times, so I decided getting her a vanity set would be a great idea.”
“I did some research and I found a couple she would like, but I knew she was picky so I asked her if she was planning on buying a vanity set ever.”
“She showed me the vanity set she wanted and I made sure to add that set to my Amazon list.”
“A few months went by and I was ready to buy the set but I came to find out that it was sold out.”
“I desperately looked at other sites and the manufacturer, but the set would not come for over a month after her birthday (keep in mind that I decided to buy it a month before, so it was not last minute).”
“I still felt bad so I decided to spend some more time researching what set to buy.”
“I finally came across one that matched the style and color of other furniture that she had purchased and it was more expensive than the one she wanted so I bought it thinking she’d like it even if it was the one she didn’t ask for.”
“I WAS WRONG!!”
“My girlfriend’s birthday finally comes around and she goes off to her sisters while I spend 2 hours building this set right after work.”
“When she finally came home and I showed it to her, I could clearly tell something was wrong.”
“She was quiet and didn’t seem too happy.”
“She then started bawling her eyes out saying that she hates it because it wasn’t the one she wanted.”
“I explained to her that I couldn’t get the one she wanted yet but if she didn’t like it that much I could wait for it to come back and buy it and sell the one I just bought it.”
“That only made her even more mad and upset.”
“She then went on a rant about how she hates birthdays and that I shouldn’t have gotten her anything.”
“Again, this vanity set matches everything else she likes and it wasn’t some cheap set.”
“She told me to simply sell the set and keep the money because she did not want anything from me on her birthday.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for getting her the wrong set?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Her reaction is ridiculous, rude and so ungrateful.”
“This is not how a mature adult behaves upon receiving a gift they don’t love.”
“I suppose I could understand her feeling disappointed (you know inside her head) that it wasn’t the exact one she wanted but then you offered to get that one and that still wasn’t good enough??”
“She’s TA here.” ~ Forsoothia
“This is literally how a spoiled toddler would respond.”
“Just instantly crying because it’s not what they wanted.”
“Except that they actually come around after the first few minutes and realize that they do like the current gift they got (that’s the experience with my nephews anyway).” ~ Chronocidal-Orange
“I think it’s completely fair to be disappointed/bothered at someone getting you furniture you don’t like and don’t want without clearing it with you first.”
“Stuff that is large and harder to get rid of can very easily feel like being gifted a chore.”
“But it shouldn’t be hard to act graceful and polite towards someone you care about who is clearly trying while you confirm that they f**ked up and are going to be the one to fully handle finding someone to take it, coordinating getting rid of it, and moving it out.”
“The weird pouting and crying, though… ridiculous.” ~ PlayingGrabAss
“Agreed. She could’ve simply said something like, ‘It’s really nice but I really had my heart set on the one I showed you.’”
“And that would’ve opened the door for him to explain how he tried to get it for her but since it wasn’t going to be available until a month after her birthday, he looked for something that he felt went with her style of things but he totally understands her wanting the other one so they can sell the one he got and order her the one she wanted.”
“Instead, she acted like a child by starting to bawl and say she hated it, and then when he offered a reasonable solution that would get her the one she wanted.”
“She acted even more like a child by doing the ‘you ruined it by not getting me what I wanted in the first place so now I don’t want anything’ routine a child would do.” ~ OneWhisper5225
“What I don’t get is why she didn’t buy herself a vanity set or at least put up some table there.”
“The situation seems to have the going on for at least months and she never tried to change anything for herself but complain. Daily.”
“You don’t have to wait for someone to save you from sitting on the floor.”
“OP is clearly NTA but I simply can’t stand the behavior of his girlfriend.” ~ Wackel81
“What gets me is the ‘I hate birthdays.'”
“Birthdays can bring up past trauma, bad memories, or upsetting feelings about someone’s life and mortality.”
“It can be a very emotional day for some people.”
“If she’s already emotionally on edge I can see this reaction making a lot more sense.”
“Not OP’s fault of course.”
“Hopefully, they can talk it out.” ~ Careless-Insect5464
“As soon as I read that part, I thought about how I dislike holidays/gift-giving situations because when I was growing up, the events were always about the ‘experience’ and not any actual holiday cheer or celebration.”
“As an overly simple example, imagine me saying I want cookies instead of cake for my birthday and being told ‘Everyone will expect cake, we don’t want to disappoint them!'”
“If I were in the girlfriend’s shoes, I’d see this situation as OP making the birthday about himself.”
“Instead of waiting for the item she wanted to ship, he prioritized the pageantry of having it all assembled, etc.”
“Why would I think that? Bad memories.”
“I’m at the point where I know this is a thing and can talk it out beforehand with people, but not everyone is there yet.”
“I hope it works out for them.” ~ Elaan21
“Is there a photo for comparison?”
“Sometimes we meet and think it looks similar but until we see it, we can’t really be sure what u see is what we see.”
“Just saying.”
“But u should ask her what’s up.”
“But I do know people who are FIXATED on that specific thing.”
“It cannot be a variation… It’s had to be that exact thing!!!”
“Yes, it’s the way their mind works!” ~ Bastique165
“NAH. My husband and I have had this argument a few times over the decade we’ve been together.”
“What you did was sweet but you learned something important about your GF, she’s particular.”
“For something like this, she picked exactly what she wanted which means she spent time researching and planning.”
“Your upgrade wasn’t an upgrade to her.”
“I know when I spend time picking out a specific item that’s it.”
“I don’t want any substitutions or changes, usually for some very specific reasons that my husband would never get.”
“For us, this happened in the form of towels.”
“I hate mismatched towels with a passion.”
“I wanted to replace all our towels with specific grey towels from Target that I liked the feel of.”
“My husband spent hours researching the best towels and bought me light purple (one of my favorite colors).”
“To me, it was an absolute slap in the face because he disregarded the entire point of why I wanted new towels (all the same color and feel that matched how our master bathroom was decorated).”
“It turned into a whole thing.”
“Now you know for next time that when she says she wants XYZ exactly it’s better to wait rather than try to find a substitute.” ~ horsecrazycowgirl
“NTA… But…”
“I just went and checked Vanity sets online.”
“And boy there are so many different types of sets and every set has its own purpose.”
“And I think one should buy a set according to their need.”
“Price doesn’t matter.”
“There were many high-priced sets that I didn’t like at all and cheaper ones were nice and suitable.”
“So I believe she needed the set according to her needs.”
“And now she has to use a different one.”
“How would you feel if you got something else than what you wanted for a long time?”
“I think she didn’t want to hurt you that’s why she cried coz she got overwhelmed about not hurting you and having to use different things.”
“And the money wasted.”
“As pointed out by others there must be some other stress she is holding inside.”
“Most of us have expressed frustration at some silly point because we were holding something else for a long time.”
“I think that set became her breaking point.”
“This can be hurtful to you as well.”
“But don’t decide if this is a red flag only based on this.”
“Give her some space.”
“Then sit and talk.”
“Ask her what’s going on.”
“If anything is stressing her.”
“Don’t just put a stamp of being ungrateful so soon.” ~ Calm-and-Peaceful
“NTA – I get birthdays aren’t her thing but you went out of your way to get it as close as you could ‘It’s the thought that counts’ should have counted, or at least been appreciated as an idea when you offered to change it after the fact.” ~ swaghilton
“NTA. That was one heck of an overreaction on her part.”
“Is she normally like this, or could something else be going on in her life?”
“Also, friendly advice: If you find the thing you’re definitely gonna buy someone, just buy it.”
“Better to have to store it somewhere for a bit than to realize it’s gone or temporarily unavailable.”
“Still, she’s 1000% in the wrong for her reaction.” ~ SolitaryTeaParty
“NTA, but your girlfriend is.”
“And she’s not an a**hole for disliking the vanity she received, she’s an a**hole for the way she communicated that.”
“What was stopping her from saying ‘Thank you so much for your thoughtfulness and effort. I’m just picky about what I like, and even though this is so nice, I really wanted the other one.'”
“‘If you’re willing to sell this one and use the money to buy the other, I don’t mind waiting.’”
“But no, she acted like a literal toddler.”
“Actually, that’s underestimating toddlers.”
“I have known 2-year-olds with more emotional maturity.”
“Her behavior is gross.” ~ ayomsb
“Yeah, there’s probably more going on here.”
“I know a lot of people who hate their birthdays because they’ve always been forgotten, or get terrible unthoughtful presents, or have some kind of trauma involved.”
“Have a chat about why she reacted the way she did.”
“Also, honestly, I would’ve just ordered the one she wanted and told her it was delayed.”
“There’s also something really aggravating about the designs of bathroom vanities and some stand-alone ones.”
“A lot you can tell have been designed by men and the cupboards are too shallow or the drawers are wrong.”
“Sorry, that was my personal rant.”
“She may have built up the idea in her mind that she was getting the original one and got upset when she saw a different one.”
“Having said that, you didn’t do anything wrong.”
“You gave her a nice, thoughtful present.”
“She didn’t react well.”
“But I genuinely think there’s more to it. NAH.” ~ bitofapuzzler
“Definitely NTA, but I don’t feel like she necessarily is either.”
“It’s also making me wonder if she’s neurodivergent because I think most people can mask better in a situation like this.”
“When it comes to something she’s had in her head as ‘her vanity’ for a long time, it can be hard to deal with a divergence from that.”
“She doesn’t like this one, but there’s an inherent pressure that she should love it, and that’s overwhelming.”
“Birthdays also sound really hard for her.”
“I hope in a few hours she comes in and has a talk with you where she tells you how much she appreciates your efforts despite everything.” ~ Succubista
“NTA. If someone took the time like you did to find a great gift and then had it set up and waiting for me I would be so touched.”
“Your GF is ungrateful and awful.” ~ That_70s_chick
“NTA. Return the set, keep the money, and forget about buying more gifts.”
“If that is her reaction, if that is her choice, don’t buy a thing until she explicitly tells you otherwise.” ~ Intrepid_Mobile
“NTA. What an ungrateful woman.”
“Honesty, you spent much more time and thought than most boyfriends do!”
“She’s the only AH here.” ~ purpleclaire788
“NTA but you could have bought the one she wanted and given her a picture of it on her birthday.” ~ Elfwynn1992
“I’d show her the door.”
“This behavior is appalling for a grown woman.” ~ Iseeyou22
Reddit understands your feelings here, OP.
It’s sad that your GF reacted so harshly.
Perhaps there is more going on beneath the service.
A serious heart-to-heart may be a good idea.
She may have some issues regarding this day that she needs to work through.
But you tried to be a good partner.
Good luck.