Friends should build each other up, not use each other's insecurities as material for a running joke.
But some people think calling something a joke gives them a free pass to be cruel.
After months of enduring comments about her weight from someone she considered a friend, one college student finally decided she'd had enough.
And when she fired back with an insult of her own, she quickly discovered that her classmate wasn't nearly as good at taking jokes as she was at making them.
Redditor u/Pristine-Evening8222 wanted to share her experience and get feedback, so she came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
""AITA for calling my friend flat in front of the guy she likes after she kept calling me fat?
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I'm a 20 F[emale] college student, and I have a friend, N (21 F)."
"She has a habit of making comments about my weight."
"For context, I'm not thin."
"I'm also not someone who can't take a joke, but there's a difference between joking with someone and making them the designated fat friend of the group."
"N has been calling me fat ever since I met her."
"Sometimes it's relatively harmless stuff, like making comments about what I'm eating."
"Other times, she'll point out my stomach in pictures, tell me certain outfits don't suit my body, or make jokes about how I should probably skip dessert."
"The worst part is that she does this in front of other people."
"If we're out with classmates and someone offers to share food with me, she'll say something like, 'Girl, you really don't need that.'"
"I've told her to cease this several times."
"She always responds with some sort of 'I'm just joking,' or 'You're too sensitive.'"
"The rest of our friend group mostly laughs it off."
"Nobody ever says anything when she does it."
"Now, N has recently developed a Godzilla-sized crush on K (21 M[ale])."
"She's been trying to get his attention for weeks."
"She's constantly talking about him (extremely irritating, mind you), asking him if her new haircut is good, and finding excuses to sit next to him."
"Last Friday, a bunch of us were sitting together in the cafeteria, including K."
"N was talking about how she wanted to wear a particular dress to an upcoming college fest but wasn't sure if it looked good on her."
"Someone asked to see a picture of it, and she showed us."
"K said it looked nice on her."
"N immediately turned to me and said, 'Where do you think you'll buy a dress? I don't think they have your size in normal stores.'"
"For context, I am a size 10 or L."
"Everyone laughed a little."
"Then I said, 'At least I can fill out a dress. You look like a highway with hair.'"
"The table went completely silent."
"Even K awkwardly looked away, trying not to smile."
"N looked absolutely humiliated and didn't say another word for the rest of lunch."
"Later, she texted me saying I was a disgusting person for body-shaming her in front of someone she liked."
"She said she'd never been so humiliated in her life and that I knew she was insecure about her chest and body hair."
"I told her that perhaps now she understood how I felt."
"It could have ended right there."
"But later that night, K texted me saying it was extremely satisfying to see N humiliated that way, after all the nonsense she pulls."
"It was a normal platonic text that I fleetingly mentioned to N's roommate, R."
"But in a fight with N, R inflated the whole thing and used it against her (I'm not sure how, as of yet)."
"The whole friend group is pretty conflicted, and some people blame me for starting the whole fiasco."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So... AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"I really don't think she's your friend. NTA." ~ Deflated_Hypnotist
"That girl is not your friend."
"In school, I was the fat one in my group, and no one ever made me uncomfortable with what I was wearing or how I dressed."
"When I wore something that flattered me more, I got compliments, but I never got hate."
"If someone commented on my weight, my friends stood ten toes down with me and called them out."
"If she can’t take what she’s dishing, she should keep her mouth shut."
"Also, I’m petty to start talking to that guy!" ~ Ireland2106
"NTA, she is not your friend, and anyone who supports her bullying isn't either."
"Now that the group is split, you can see who really has value in your life."
"I can't believe you are still dealing with this rubbish in your 20s; mean girl crap should end in high school." ~ Mean-Confidence3477
"Just do it."
"You can easily find groups with similar interests as you on any campus."
"No company is better than bad company because this girl will keep trying to destroy you to make herself feel good."
"Just walk away. NTA." ~ Herefiraita
"The funny thing is that OP had to take a shot to make everyone take this seriously."
"She makes OP the punchline for years, and everyone laughs along, but the second OP throws back one, everyone has an opinion."
"All we can say is that's a lot to say about the group." ~ Sad_Turnover_3337
"Your so-called friends don't 'have bids' on any guys."
"Those guys are living, breathing, thinking people who are capable of making their own choices, not cuts of steak that any person can call dibs on."
"In the real world, people can develop friendships with other people regardless of whether they have a penis or a vagina without being about banging."
"In the real world, this kind of high school grade drama isn't worth the thought." ~ neophenx
"N is not your friend."
"She’s incredibly insecure, so she hangs around you to put you down to make herself feel better."
"You deserve actual friends who don’t disparage you. NTA." ~ DuckInMyHeart
"NTA. K is your actual friend; stop caring about her 'bid' on him."
"He's not interested, but he is your friend."
"Stop valuing this horrible girl above someone who could actually be there for you as a friend in the future."
"In the grown-up world, you nurture the friendships that give you joy."
"The only people who stood up for you are the ones you should put energy into, so K texting you and R are the people you need to give your friendship to, not people who will be okay with how the bully is treating you and won't stand up for you." ~ Less_Ad_557
"Ok, first of all, that's FUNNY."
"Points to you for 'highway with hair.'"
"Second of all, she is not your friend."
"I don't know what's fueling her behavior - insecurity or resentment- but I would not be spending any time with her."
"Third... NTA, she absolutely had it coming."
"You've tried being nice, and you've tried ignoring her."
"What else are you supposed to do?!"
"Update to point out that she called you disgusting for body-shaming her, which is what she's been doing to you all along."
"She needs to go look in a mirror." ~ birdsofvengence
"NTA. You were just honest."
"She opened the door, and you kicked it in."
"You just threw back the behavior that she has been giving you for months."
"She started it, you respond, and now she cannot deal with it and plays the victim."
She is not your friend, girl."
"Find better ones."
"Especially if she cannot see the error of her ways." ~ Otama_C
"NTA. I see you've said you don't want to cut her off - so lean into the public shaming."
"Next time she makes a 'joke,' use her own language against her: 'I've repeatedly asked you to stop body shaming me. Do you remember how hurt you feel when you get called flat?'"
"Use the words body shaming every time."
"Bring up her being flat every time."
"Other people will start to realize her behavior isn't ok."
"Also, there is negative reinforcement for her bad behavior." ~ Music_withRocks_In
"I get that people would think it’s fine because she is clearly the one in the wrong first, but I really don’t like fighting body shaming with other types of body shaming since I just don’t think it’s ever acceptable."
"It doesn’t just attack the person you’re targeting, but every other woman with a body like hers too."
"I get wanting to push back on a nasty bully, but I think there are more ethical ways." ~ IRLYLIKEPUZZLES
"NTA. You have tried asking politely multiple times for her to stop making comments about your appearance."
"Yet she had not even tried to."
"She dished some out, and you gave her a stinger of her own."
"Don’t dish it if you can’t take it."
"If it were me, I would have said worse."
"Ignore all her comments; body size is not beauty."
"And even if she is pretty on the outside, true beauty comes from within."
"And she sounds hideous." ~ Annual_Restaurant621
OP came back to chat...
"After a lot of coaxing from the comment section, I have completely cut this girl out of my life."
"I have also started hanging out with K a lot more, and it seems I may have gained a new, actually good, friend!"
"So thank you for all your comments."
"Another thing I'd like to say is that I personally think women with N's body type are absolutely gorgeous (coming from someone bisexual). "
"Please don't take offense at the comment I made in the moment."
"It was only for N."
Reddit is with you, OP.
You stood up for yourself... finally!
People like N can dish it, but they can't take it.
Glad you're finding new friends.
Good Luck.
