It's a parent's job to look after their children, which includes making sure that they are eating a healthy balanced diet.
As much as children would likely prefer to eat nothing but potato chips and candy, making sure they also eat protein, fruits, and vegetables is vitally important.
As a result, parents are tasked with finding a clever way of getting them to eat these foods, as forcing them to eat foods they don't like or depriving them of their favorites will likely not work as easily as they would like.
Nor should parents ever deliberately make their children feel bad about their choice of food.
The brother of Redditor Mylastnamebecake wasn't pleased by what their daughter was eating at a recent family gathering.
So much so that he even resorted to scolding and name-calling.
Something the original poster (OP) simply would not tolerate, making no effort to hide her displeasure with her brother.
Fearing she may have been out of line, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for calling out my brother's comments to my niece in front of all his children?"
The OP explained why she felt compelled to stand up for her niece after the way her brother treated her at a recent family gathering.
"My (25 F[emale]) Brother, B (39 M[ale]), came over to my Mum's for his birthday last week."
"He brought over my sister-in-law (SIL) (36 F) their 3 children M(11 F), Z(9 F) & N(3 M).
'I'd done a whole buffet of food and had probably gone a bit over the top, but we don't see each other as often as I'd like, and it was a celebration."
"Everyone loved the food, and everyone ate their fill, but B kept calling out M."
"He kept making disapproving comments telling her to slow down and asking her if she was going back for more."
"When she grabbed herself a second cupcake, he said, 'Put that back, little piggy.'" She put it down and looked like she was going to cry. She then went and sat in the corner away from everyone and wouldn't really engage in anything after that, despite me trying to get her to join in."
"B, Z & N all had multiple cupcakes, and it really bothered me he'd called M out."
"I put some leftovers into boxes for them to take home and told M that I'd put an extra cupcake in there for her."
"B's response was, 'she doesn't need it. Look at her, the little porker'."
"M isn't fat."
"She's put on some weight recently, but in the way kids do before they have a massive growth spurt."
"I told B he was going to give her a complex, and I told him that comments like that lead to disorders."
"He said he was just looking out for his kids."
"I'm not a parent. I do understand that he needs to teach them to be healthy."
"I said as long as you have a balance, you can eat like this sometimes."
"He looked uncomfortable and tried to lighten the mood with 'well, at least she'd be skinny,' and my response is the reason I think I am the AH."
"I said, 'Yeah, maybe she'll be so skinny she'll be dead.'"
"Everyone went quiet, apart from my youngest two nibblings who were tormenting my cat under the table."
"They took their leftovers and went. B sent me a text later saying he was really mad about the way I handled things."
"I shouldn't have questioned his parenting and that he's considering if I should be at his wedding.'
'My SIL hasn't commented, and I've not responded to my brother."
"Mum thinks I was an AH, but my heart is in the right place."
"My brother has never struggled with an ED, whereas I've had trouble with eating since I was 12, so this is a sensitive subject."
"AITA for calling him out like that?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for standing up for her niece.
Everyone concurred that the OP's brother deserved to be called out and that the way he was treating M could lead to her getting an eating disorder.
"NTA."
"If he keeps going like this, his kid is gonna have some heavy mental problems regarding weight and eating if that hasn't happened already."
"You don't fricking call your own kid piggy etc."
"Immediate AH."
"Also, kids tormenting your cat?"
"WTH?"- Nitro114
"NTA."
"You might not be a parent, but since you had first-hand experience with an ED, your input might be a lot more valuable in the matter."
"Pretending that just because someone is a parent they can do no harm and foul towards their offspring is top shelf ignorant."
"The world is full of broken and abused people whose parents just 'had the best intentions'."- Iothil
"NTA."
"This is a prime example of how to ensure your kid has an eating disorder."
"My dad has made little comments about my food/weight in the past, and it's extremely hurtful, especially in front of others."- nurse-ratchet-
"NTA."
"He's not parenting; he's bullying."- MerlinBiggs
"NTA."
"Not only did you speak up, but you also spoke up in front of your niece."
"Now she knows she has an ally in you."
"Your brother is a major AH calling his daughter names like that."
"Even if he thinks it, he should never say something that cruel out loud to a child."
"WTF kind of father does that to a kid."- snchills
"NTA."
"He is abusing her."
"Calling her piggy is verbal abuse."
"Why seems everyone be okay with this in your family?"
"Wtf.
"'At least she be skinny' .... my f*cking blood boils."
"It is also MORE likely to get fat if you have a bad relationship to food.'
"He is teaching her nothing."- CakeEatingRabbit
"You go, OP."
"Someone needs to stand up for your niece."
"NTA."- cheezeybeans
"NTA."
"The standard you walk past is the standard you accept."
"Girls are vulnerable to body image issues (yes, boys too, but more so girls), and having your dad call you piggy isn't exactly nurturing."
"You have personal experience in this area, and you're trying to help your niece."
"He's sulking because your words landed."- stropette
"Sorry, but f*ck your brother (no disrespect to you), but this gave me flashbacks."
"ED is coming if it's not already there."
"If he says these things in front of you, I don't want to know what else he says to her in the safety of his home."
"NTA and thank you for standing up for your niece."- Popular-Block-5790
"NTA."
"My uncle told me I was fat when I was ten, and it was a major part of the early destruction of my self-esteem."- F*ckUGalen
"NTA."
"Thank god you stepped in when your brother was verbally abusing his daughter."
"You may be saving her life."
"I hope you can still be there for her - she's lucky to have you."- SnooRadishes5305
"NTA."
"He needs to understand that comments like that really have a huge impact on what you eat and what you don't and lead to ED, especially when such comments come from people who matter a lot to you."- Sweet-Sour-Candy
"I'm a mandated reporter."
"If this was a pattern of behavior, I would report it for emotional abuse."
"I work in children's mental health, and his behavior is reprehensible and despicable."
"Please keep in touch with M and keep a close eye on your bro's treatment of her."
"He is setting her up for an eating disorder."- Electrical-Extent-92
"NTA."
"What is the honest f is wrong with your brother?"
"He is destroying his own daughter's self-esteem when she is at such a young age?"
"If he is worried about her putting on weight, there is a much better way to handle this."
"I would have decked your brother the second he called he daughter a piggy and shamed her into putting food back."
"The fact that his wife didn't say anything makes me feel like this is normal behavior for him to berate his 11-year-old daughter."
"Makes me wonder how he acts when he is with his wife and kids home alone."
"Does he go out of his way to do activities with his kids and show them healthy eating practices?"
"Is he a picture of health, or would you consider him overweight and/or out of shape?"-if_only_i_r_smart
The OP eventually returned, sharing how she planned to deal with this worrisome and serious issue.
"I'm reading through comments now, and it's making my heart hurt a little bit."
"Thanks to everyone for comments wanting the best for my niece. it's all I want to."
"I was under no doubt saying something was the right thing to do, but was worried about the way I said it."
"I'm going to text my SIL so I can sit down with the pair of them soon and talk through this, as I do think my brother is clueless as to what he's doing."
"I'll happily tell him he's a d*ck."
It would be one thing if the OP's brother simply felt his daughter had too many cupcakes and asked her to stop.
But no parent should ever call their child "piggy" under any circumstances unless they somehow want their child to have serious eating and self-esteem issues.
One can only be grateful that M has an ally in the OP.
Expectant Dad Of Two Livid After Brother Questions Why He'd Bring Another Kid Into Bleak World
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now, from the cost of living to job insecurity to food insecurity to poor housing. But that doesn't mean we have to stop living.
For many people, that means still starting and growing their families, while planning how to navigate the world we're currently in, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DesignerOwn1141 and his wife knew that the world around them wasn't at its best right now, but they were eager to grow their family and were excited to bring a third child into the world.
When they announced their pregnancy, his brother's first reaction was to send him articles about how the world was doomed and shame him for bringing a child into it; the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he needed to block his own brother.
He asked the sub:
The OP and his wife were excited to welcome a third child into their family.
"I am 33 and male. My wife is 29."
"We have two sons, a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old boy. Both are happy, healthy, and well taken care of."
"We love being parents to them, and I work very hard to provide a good life for my family."
"My wife is four months pregnant with our third."
The OP's brother's life was very different from his.
"My younger brother has been something of a failure-to-launch case."
"Despite having every advantage, he never got good grades in school, was addicted to 'League of Legends' so severely that he barely scraped by, and spends his days streaming games to nearly no viewers on Twitch."
"I've watched his stream a few times, but he just rages constantly."
"My wife is too classy to ever say so, but I can tell he makes her uncomfortable."
"He's my brother, so I've long wanted to believe he's just bad at communicating with people, but to be frank, he's sort of just an a**hole. He's unapologetic whenever he says something hurtful and more likely to just double down and say, 'No cap.'"
"But if anyone so much as challenges his views, he throws a huge fit."
The OP tried to share his happy news with his brother, but his brother immediately squandered it.
"Recently, we announced she was pregnant with our third child. It's a joyous occasion for us because we wanted three children, and our other two sons are excited about having another brother or sister."
"When I texted my brother the news, he immediately said he couldn't imagine having children with the world the way it was."
"I asked what he meant, and he started sending me these articles about global warming, the plague in Russia, wars around the world, and so on."
"He seems convinced that the world is going to end in ten years tops, and that I'm only bringing up another child to die in the 'water wars.'"
"I was honestly disgusted with him. To tell someone that their unborn child is going to die, that their other children are going to die, is absolutely abhorrent behavior."
"But since he's always been a sensitive s**thead, I just said, 'Whatever, man,' and stopped reading his texts."
"He wouldn't stop. He kept sending me every doomer article. He said that when the clouds evaporate, the earth is going to get 15 degrees hotter. He said that AI is going to hack every government database. He said that China is going to invade Taiwan, and then it'll be war with the US and allies against Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran."
The OP had had enough of his brother's negative feedback.
"Finally, I just told him I was blocking him and thought little of the decision."
"He went and cried to our parents (again, he's the most sensitive s**tbag in the world), and they told me what I did was over the top."
"I know that if I unblock him, he's just going to doomspam me again."
"Am I wrong for just straight-up saying I never want him in my life again?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that they understood why he felt the need to distance himself from his brother.
"NOR. He sounds insufferable."
"He sounds like one of those people who doesn't like his life and so wants everyone else to be miserable too, or makes excuses for why he didn't do more with his life by blaming his problems on some external crisis." - savingrain
"NOR. He's allowed to protect his peace, especially if his brother keeps ignoring boundaries and turning every conversation into another end-of-the-world prediction, and having kids is hardly a reason to apologize for trying to build a good life despite everything going on." - Upper-Cloud9097
"NOR. But your brother is on his way to a full mental breakdown. Send him back cute dog and cat videos. Cute horse videos. Ozzy animal voiceovers."
"Eventually his phone will start thinking he's like me and his feed will calm down." - Present_Original_797
"I mean, my beliefs and thoughts about the future are along the same lines as him, and that’s why I’m an anti-natalist, but there’s something called tact. And personal choice/autonomy."
"If someone chooses to have kids, that’s their choice, and I’d keep my opinions to myself and be supportive, especially if they’re a family member. Spreading doomer content is extremely insensitive and rude. NOR." - EngineerGold4242
"NOR: I wonder whether your brother is displaying sibling jealousy towards you and your family; he recognizes his own shortcomings and can see where he is in life compared to you, and that is his major issue."
"Days filled with unfulfilling computer games and doomspamming others, he has a lot of maturing to do. Block him until or unless he decides to join the adult world and be the uncle he is supposed to be." - iron_redditman
"NOR. I have all those fears and as such actively avoid news about them. I skipped whole paragraphs here for that reason too, lol."
"I’d definitely block my sibling or anybody else who did that to me. I already know all these things; I don’t need constant reminders. All I can do is work on improving my little corner of the world and trudge forward."
"Anyway, protect your peace." - hahagato
"You are not obligated to bond with someone just because you share blood. It’s your peace and your family that you need to protect now. If you decide to go zero contact, it’s perfectly okay!"
"Especially because you and your wife are in charge of two, almost three, little guys, and your mental peace affect directly to them."
"PS. Historically, the world has always been on the edge, but nothing stops us to be what we are, humans trying to get over all the s**t! So don’t let those bad things put you down. We can build a better world by raising kind, lovely people, and it seems you and your wife are doing it. Good luck!" - Camigatoespinace92
Others advised the OP to involve his parents in case they could help his brother.
"Unblock him and then send everything he texts you to both mom and dad. No comments, just forward it."
"They'll think you're sending it, and when they complain, you can tell them that you thought they'd be interested in your brother's articles as well."
"NOR." - No_Address687
"NOR. Your parents don't know the half of it. Forward everything and let them read it for themselves." - Available_Agent3305
"NOR. I’d keep him blocked; your parents are wrong. If you want to be petty, start sending your parents article after article of stuff you know they won’t like. They will get the hint soon enough." - OldieButNotMoldy
"I would also go low contact with the OP's parents. OP is clearly NOT the favorite son. Any boundaries he put up with his brother will be considered wrong. NOR." - Interesting_Novel997
"NOR, but also my first reaction is that your brother isn't a 'sensitive s**tbag,' he is struggling with anxiety/depression and maybe undiagnosed neurodivergence and is drowning in his own ruminations. None of that makes this an appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement; it's clearly not. But he sounds like someone who is clearly struggling here."
"If it were me, I'd be sending your parents anything he previously sent you. If they share your concern after reading a few articles, maybe they'll take steps to help him." - 2kidsnomoney---
"NOR. I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your brother has not been socialized normally. He is a chronically online loser who thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and does not understand there are no consequences because there are often no consequences when he does it in a league match or online."
"It frankly sounds like your concern for him and his future is budding into resentment and contempt, and I feel like, as most brothers would, those are not the feelings you want to hold towards him."
"I have a brother like this. He was diagnosed as an adult with Asperger’s and now just a spectrum autism diagnosis, but he’s a real a**."
"You may have to unblock him to communicate fairly. It may be worth doing this in person because it’s easier for the chronically online to 'craft' their retort rather than be a part of a conversation."
"Before you can do that, though, you need to sit down with your parents. You need to explain and be able to articulate that:"
"1. His reaction to the wonderful news of you having another child crossed the line and was inappropriate."
"2. There need to be reasonable consequences or boundaries because you are no longer willing to put up with that."
"3. It is his call at this point whether or not he wants to be in your life and your children’s lives."
"You have to have their buy-in; otherwise they are just going to continue to coddle and enable this behavior."
"Then you need to sit down with him and your parents, intervention style. You need to present the same argument you did to your parents, and in all honestly, I would question him in return: what was he hoping would have been the outcome of that conversation?"
"Did he want you to say he’s so right, so smart? Did he want you to go to your wife and tell her to abort? Does he feel like he is in a place in his life where he can be your family planner and manager? When he crosses a line, what does he feel should happen?"
"Only when he is directly confronted, and you have the right supports in place, can he be presented with how his behavior affected you and what that could possibly mean for his relationship with you and your growing family." - allison_mossie
The subreddit understood feeling burdened by so much negative information during what should be a happy time of planning and anticipating a new addition to the family, but the OP needed time to think about what he wanted his larger family dynamic to look like.
That might mean removing his brother, so that the OP could protect his own, and by extension, his wife's and children's, mental health, but it might mean minimizing contact with other people, too, if they weren't willing to respect the OP's boundaries he had for his family's life.