College Student Refuses To Maintain 'Pin Drop Silence' In Dorm To Appease Roommate Who Works Night Shifts

Shift work that includes overnights is stressful not only for the person who has to adjust their sleep schedule, but also for anyone living with them. They're going to be awake during the day, living their life, while the other person is trying to sleep.

A student turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subReddit for feedback over their roommate's night shift schedule.

Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.

Objective_Ice5773 asked:

"WIBTAH if I tell my roommate that I can't keep maintaining pin drop silence in our dorm room during the day just because she works night shifts?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"I (19, female) am living in a dorm with my roommate (23, female) who I'll call Sarah. We've been roommates for a little over a year and have always had a good relationship. Our room is small, but we split the space 50/50 and have never had major issues."

"I'm based in the EU, dorms work a bit differently here. Priority is for students, yes, but her student contract hasn't fully expired due to health issues, so she's technically paused right now from school."

"She doesn't go to class. She was when we met, for the first 4 to 5 months. So now she's been trying out different jobs due to personal issues."

"About two weeks ago, Sarah started a new job requiring night shifts. She works both weekend days and 2-3 days during the week. She gets home around 6-7am, sleeps until the afternoon, gets up to eat, play games, cook, etc., sometimes takes another nap, then goes to work again."

"I've tried hard to accommodate her schedule. During the day I'm usually at university, and when I'm home I don't turn on the main light or make much noise. If my parents call, I wear headphones so Sarah can't hear them and I speak quietly, although I can't whisper because then my parents can't hear me. I've also told my parents quite often that I'll call later because Sarah is sleeping."

"Sarah has struggled with sleep before and has used some sleep aids in the past, so I understand she genuinely needs sleep. She wears an eye mask and sometimes asks me if it's okay to switch off the light if I'm not doing anything hectic, which I always do agree to."

"I've often kept the room dark even around 5-6pm and done university work using my phone flashlight or a small bedside lamp she gave me. This has happened a few times a week for the last year."

The problem is that our activities aren't always equally easy to accommodate. Sarah games a lot, and when I'm sleeping, she can game with headphones and without the light."

"I try to reciprocate, but much of my university work involves writing and homework, and sometimes I need to talk to my family. She also has earplugs, which she sometimes uses when she comes home and I'm already awake. If not, then she doesn't use them."

"Also, for our first year as roommates (prior to her starting night shifts), the lights were off almost constantly. She would be awake from about 8am until early in the morning, then take a nap in the late afternoon and stay asleep until 9pm. That meant the lights were off from 3pm to 9pm every day - and in this country, it gets dark around 4pm."

"Even then, I was as accommodating as possible. I avoided turning on the main light even when I had tasks to do, like laundry, folding clothes, or organizing my shelves. It was a real hassle because our room is small and we have stuff everywhere, but I'd just thug it out using my phone flashlight."

"It sucks because I'm not a confrontational person."

"To make matters worse, I think a big part of my frustration comes from a general imbalance in how we maintain the room. I do almost all of the sweeping, while she almost never does. She handles taking out the trash, but mostly because she leaves the room more often, and whenever I go out, I take it too if needed."

"Between sweeping the entire room, constantly keeping the lights off, and tiptoeing around her schedule, I'm starting to feel like I'm doing all the giving in."

"Today is Sunday. Sarah came home around 7am after work and went to sleep, I was still asleep. Around 13:30, my aunt, mum and grandma called together. It's rare for all three to be on a call together, so I wanted to join. I wore headphones and spoke quietly. The call lasted about an hour and a half, although I wasn't talking continuously and was mostly listening."

"I didn't realize I'd woken Sarah until she got up. I said hi and noticed something was off. After my call, I asked if she was okay, and she said she was annoyed because I had woken her. I apologized about three times, and she nodded."

"I understand why she was annoyed and feel bad that I woke her. At the same time, I'm frustrated because I feel like I'm walking on eggshells in our shared room. I'm happy to make reasonable accommodations, but I also have university, work, family I want to occasionally talk to, and my own life."

"I don't want this to turn into resentment because we genuinely get along."

"WIBTA for wanting to tell her that it's a bit unfair, because I don't think I can reasonably be expected to maintain near silence whenever she's sleeping during the daytime?"

"Thank you for listening to my rant."

Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
• INFO - more information needed

Redditors decided the OP was

"NTA. Being considerate of a roommate who works nights is reasonable."

"Expecting you to live like the room is a library every afternoon isn't. You’ve already gone way beyond normal courtesy. You need to be able to study, talk to your family and actually live in your own room." ~ Mohitosan_

"She has ear plugs, she needs to use them! You shouldn't have to be completely silent or live in the dark because she chose an over night job." ~ bkuefner1973

"NTA. It's not working. It's nothing you're doing. Don't take it personally. It's just not working." ~ Proper-District8608

"You are not compatible as roommates. You need to get new housing." ~ alissa2579

"OP is the student. I think the roommate is the one to leave." ~ ReasonableCrow7595

"For real. Neither of them is necessarily wrong, but their schedules and expectations clearly aren’t compatible. Finding separate housing would probably prevent a lot of resentment." ~ Corralla_LuffyssS

"NTA. A job that involves night shifts just isnt practical if you have to share a dorm room. She needs to find a job with better hours, or switch to sharing with someone who also works nights."

"I was in a house share with a paramedic that worked nights. His bedroom was right next to the kitchen, but he knew we had to use the kitchen regardless of whether he was sleeping."

"I can't even imagine sharing a bedroom with someone who was on nights." ~ marmite_queen

"Agreed. I shared an entire house with one son who worked graveyard, and it was incredibly difficult for both of us. No matter how hard we tried, it was impossible not to make some noise while the other person was sleeping."

"Sharing a room where the awake person has nowhere else to be just isn't a fair ask. Since you are the student, she either needs to suck it up or move."

"My bed shares a wall with our microwave and stove. Every time my son made lunch, I woke up. I told him to do it anyway because he had to eat!"

"My bedroom is next to the only bathroom, and his is next to the front door and laundry room. It was rough!"

"It only worked because both of us did our best to be quiet, but not silent. We also did our best to be patient if we were woken up." ~ ReasonableCrow7595

"You share a room. Until she chose to take this nocturnal job it seems everything was cordial."

"So this is a her problem not a you problem. If she need better earplugs and a darker sleep mask send her the links for them."

"It's on her to make her own adjustments to continue living in the space. Not for you to walk on eggshells, bend out of shape to give them full control of your shared space." ~ IntelligentCitron917

"You really went out of your way to explain this, which makes me think you're a very considerate person and she is taking advantage of you. You care too much about her comfort when she cares none for yours."

"I would definitely tell her that since you can not make her happy, you are done trying. This is 100% her problem." ~ Ambiguous-Failure43

OP's and her roommate's lives and schedules aren't compatible. One or both of them should look for someplace else to live.