Living with roommates isn’t always easy.
It takes a special kind of chemistry to make it a smooth situation.
Things can often get bumpy when certain types of situations arise, like overnight guests.
Not all guests make it comfortable for everyone.
Redditor garbagetruck00 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“My roommate’s mom banged on my door when I had a guy over and said ‘Shut the f**k up!’ AITA?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (F[emale] 19) live in a college apartment with 3 other roommates.”
“The roommate who lives right next to me (F 19) had her mom stay the weekend with her in her room.”
“Tonight I had a guy over and nothing crazy happened, around 5 am we started to fool around.”
“The mom then bangs on my door and says, ‘Can yall shut the f**k up?'”
“Mind you we aren’t making much noise, all we are really doing is making out, no sex.”
“Also, in the past, when I’ve had company, I’ve asked my roommate if she could hear me and my guests, and she has said that she can’t hear us.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So am I the a**hole for having a guy over and making noise while her mom is staying over?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole (for the most part).
“NTA it’s your place too.”
“I actually think it’s weird her mom stayed there.”
“My parents always got a hotel room when they visited.” ~ Daewoos4Life
“I came here to say this!”
“My parents always got a hotel but my roommate’s parents (divorced, came at different times), always slept on the couch in our living room which I found super weird but didn’t want to cause a stir about.” ~ acs_64
“Sounds like you are underestimating the amount of noise you make, so that shouldn’t even be part of the question.”
“Maybe move your bed to the opposite wall?”
“This whole situation makes me cringe.”
“Your roommate’s Mom was rude in her approach to the situation. NTA” ~ pinekneedle
“To be fair, it’s your apartment too.”
“To be fair, I would NEVER have had a boy over in college if my roommate’s mother was staying in the living room, and I double wouldn’t have then started going at it at 5 am.”
“A**hole? No.”
“Stupid college girl behavior? Yes.” ~ ThirdThymesACharm
“It could be that the roommate had complained about the noise to her mom in the past… so mom is being an a**hole on behalf of the daughter.”
“But the mom is out of line.”
“Regular making out is not going to wake someone up in another room from sleeping, so you must have been making some noise that you were unaware of.” ~ Only-Cookie-8672
“Well clearly you were making some kind of noise, or else she wouldn’t have heard you.”
“NAH, she should have been politer about it, but no one wants to hear their kid’s roommate doing anything intimate.”
“It’s not going to hurt you to lay off the affection a day or two.”
“And you do still have to live with her daughter.”
“No sense in intentionally making enemies.” ~ Call_Me_Anythin
“If you don’t want to hear the noise of other people’s bedroom activities, then maybe don’t sleep over in the home of a bunch of college students.” ~ KrofftSurvivor
“So what if it wasn’t the mother and instead the roommate who said something?”
“I’m on board with labeling the mom TA because it was not her apartment, BUT OP was probably not as quiet as they thought they were, and has admitted as much in their post edit.”
“I’m a light sleeper, and if I had a roommate who I could hear talking through a wall all night (quite likely for college apartments) then start fooling around at 5 am so I could hear them, I’d be annoyed.”
“I’d approach it like a roommate meeting about establishing quiet hour boundaries or something, but if she’s making enough noise to keep roommates up, that IS a problem.”
“Roommates should not have to listen to you having sex.” ~ b1tchf1t
“I would have said ‘You can leave you know? This is my place too, you don’t have to be here!'” ~ Okinomii
“Lol. I mean obviously, you were making some noise for her to do that.”
“But obviously, she handled it terribly, and it’s your place, so you have the right to make noise.”
“I don’t know because, as an adult, I’ve only lived alone, thank God, because this sounds so awkward.”
“I would think there’s a more mature way than addressing it than banging the door and swearing at you though.” ~ lifeinwentworth
“I had to ask someone to keep the noise down once – but I like to think I did it in a better way than that Mum.”
“I was in a shared house with 4 girls.”
“One had her boyfriend over, and they were talking for hours.”
“And that’s not a euphemism, I do actually mean talking, they might have been doing other things but it’s the talking that’s relevant.”
“By the early hours of the morning, they were still talking and one of the other girls couldn’t sleep because of his volume or tone of voice was just carrying through the house.”
“I ended up tapping on the door and asking them to keep their voices down.”
“I don’t think they were happy but we were exhausted and had to be up a few hours later.”
“So I can see the mother’s point if it was 5 am and she was being kept awake all night, but she was very rude for the way she did it – unless she’d had to ask multiple times already – and it should have been the roommate asking, not the mother.” ~ NarwhalPrestigious63
“NTA. She’s a guest in your home, and she’s acting like that?!”
“I would be so embarrassed if I was your roommate.” ~ Admirable_Broccoli_5
“Nobody is going to get intimate with anyone without everyone knowing.”
“That is unless you go to the extraordinary precautions of putting on a little music or turning on the television.”
“Or waiting until you have a place to self.”
“Most people probably don’t want or need to listen to you fool around–though a lot of people ARE into that and I do not judge.”
“Also, knocking around at 5 AM is the time a lot of people are trying to sleep.”
“It is your space, too.”
“You have the right.”
“NTA, but whether it was one of your roommates or one of their guests if you are waking them up, they are also NTA for asking for you to keep it down.” ~ elvisthree16
“NTA. Her mom doesn’t have authority over you in your apartment.” ~ Liss78
“NTA. It’s your apartment, too, and honestly, it’s so weird she even was staying there knowing her daughter has 3 other roommates, like I think most parents would get a hotel or something, but she had no right to say that to you. I’m embarrassed for her.” ~ Due-Register5374
“I think it’s really weird for her to immediately start banging on doors and screaming without doing something else first like gently knocking on the door.”
“NTA, she blew up, if they really can hear you, then they should leave since they are the guests.” ~ Short_Gain8302
“NTA. Also – moms should NEVER stay in their kid’s college apartments especially if they have roommates.”
“I have a daughter in grad school.”
“I have stayed with her 1 time in college.”
“She was very very sick with the flu and Covid.” ~ NoMathematician4660
“NTA. I’m a mom who visits her daughter often.”
“She also lives in a college-style apartment.”
“If I’m up there without her dad I stay with her, it’s fun.”
“She enjoys it, and her roommates don’t mind.”
“I also don’t judge or interfere with what is going on in the apartment, that’s not my business.”
“I did notice the walls are very thin between rooms, and if I can hear her roommate on the phone.”
“I know they can hear each other when boyfriends come over, so we moved my daughter‘s bed to the other side of the room.”
“They’re young adults, and they need to start communicating.”
“If the daughter is bothered, she needs to talk to her roommate.”
“If the mom is bothered, she needs to get a hotel.” ~ Late_Education_6224
“Girl, my mom stays over sometimes in my apartment with my roommate and me.”
“You know what we do when we hear something we’re not supposed to?”
“We giggle and move on with our lives.”
“Her mom is way out of line. NTA.” ~ kyleecurtis6701
“NTA. She may be the mom in her house, but in your college apartment, she’s just a guest who has absolutely no right to tell you what to do.”
“Tell her to behave appropriately or leave.”
“Honestly, I’d say she’s already overstayed her welcome by talking to you that way.” ~ GDswamp
“NTA. Tell your roommate: If her mom can’t behave, she can no longer come over.” ~ k23_k23
“This made me laugh at some of the responses you are getting since I’m a Mom of a college-age kiddo living in an apartment with 3 other people.”
“You pay to live there, and so does your roommate, NOT her parents.”
“If they decide to stay, then they can face the consequences of hearing what goes on in a college apartment!”
“If they can’t handle it, then they need to get a hotel room next time.”
“Please have a conversation with your roommate when her parents leave so you can make sure everything is good between y’all.” ~ KMKS050914
“You’re NTA because she was rudely out of line.”
“However, a pillow behind the headboard can help avoid disturbing others if you’re going to play Mattress Olympics at the crack of dawn.” ~ Dittoheadforever
“NTA. This is where you live, if her mother feels bothered about anything she can go back to where she lives.” ~ Red-Octopus91
Some of Reddit felt differently…
“Her approach was definitely rude.”
“But you’re also making noise at 5 am.”
“I’ll go with ESH.” ~ Financial-Can-4710
“I agree with this.”
“When people wake me up in the middle of the night I come out like a banshee, you don’t mess around with people’s sleep schedule.”
“It basically brings out the AH in you the longer the noise goes on, and as mentioned by OP her ‘we were so quiet’ wasn’t true either.”
“They likely went to bed late and then things just started stacking up noise-wise, give it 20 minutes and I would prob be pissed too.”
“At 5 AM you basically hear everything: the washing machine 3 floors up, the police car sirens from one side of town to the other and I am def sure OP doesn’t make out like old people do.”
“Both parties should know that you won’t find privacy in a college apartment; both the making of the noise and the reaction were AH-worthy, and to be fair, I’ve seen people react worse.”
“I mean, I had a roommate who started playing banjo at 5 am, and one of our neighbors literally tried kicking down the door to shove his instrument up his ass.”
Also if someone reacts this way it is because either…”
“A) the noise had been going on for a long time or…
“B) this has happened before and either not addressed or ignored by OP.” ~ Blue_Waffled
“I don’t think she was sitting there with her ear to the wall at 5 am.”
“Maybe you were a bit louder than you thought eh?” ~ OllieMoee
“This!!” Or the roommates have been having sleepless nights for ages and couldn’t dare say anything… walls can be THIN and noise insulation can be bad.”
“Maybe OP never realized this and was sometimes louder than she thought.”
“It is a college apartment so… not a place to get hot and live a free life without boundaries.”
“I am sure the mum has reasons to act like this.”
“Maybe she meant that Op should not have random guys over during the semester when they all should be focused on living working and studying.”
“On holidays, okay, on vacations okay.” ~ important_hotell
“ESH. You’re not obliged to behave a certain when your roommate’s mom is visiting.”
“Your roommate’s mom should find other accommodations however if she doesn’t want to potentially be kept up all night staying in a dorm.”
“You should try to be more quiet in general since clearly you’re making more noise than you intend to make.”
“You’ve still got to live with your roommate after this so it’s in your best interest to figure out how to do that amicably going forward.” ~ Chickenmoons
OP came back to chat…
“Since a lot of people are commenting on it, yes, we were probably a tad bit louder than I had originally thought, but there definitely wasn’t any extreme moaning or super egregious sounds (no bed or walls shaking).”
“I was mostly taken aback by how she approached me.”
“But it’s on me for making noise.”
“From now on I will definitely be more cautious of bringing guests when my roommate has her parents.”
Most of Reddit is with you, OP.
Your roommate’s Mom was outrageously rude.
That is not how a person behaves in another person’s home.
She could’ve knocked quietly or said something the next day.
Hopefully, this won’t cause issues in your home situation.
Good luck.