There is a famous line from the TV show 'Friends.'
Joey is out on a date with a woman, and she takes some of his French fries.
It drives him insane, and he exclaims, "JOEY DOESN'T SHARE FOOD!!!"
This is a familiar sentiment for many people.
Redditor u/ImportantBroccoli466 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
"AITA for ordering what I want at a restaurant?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My wife and I don't eat out all that often; when we do, it's usually for an occasion."
"One of the things that invariably happens, however, is that when looking at the menu, she has the expectation that we have to agree on which main courses we order so we can share."
"I don't mind sharing a bite or two, but she typically sees multiple dishes she would like, and so I am expected to order one of those and trade halfway through the meal so she can have it in addition to what she ordered."
"I tend to lean more toward meat dishes, and she likes veg/fish."
"This is fine, just not what I want."
"So when I say 'I think I'll have steak,' she says, 'No, you should get the eggplant.'"
"Queue argument, as I, for the 1000th time, remind her I'm not ordering for her."
"This happened again tonight, celebrating a work promotion."
"I chose prime rib, and she told me it didn't sound good."
"I finally told her I didn't care if she wanted it or not; I did, and she should order what she wants. Period."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITA for not agreeing to this ridiculous expectation?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
"Well, you yourself call it ridiculous, so you already know the answer."
"Talk it out with your wife." ~ Gabby_Craft
"NTA. If you want to share dishes, that's fine."
"But that means that both of you get to order whatever you each want, and then if the other wants to try it, fine."
"It doesn't mean that you both can only order whatever you both might want. "
"Your wife is selfish."
"You should tell her maybe it's time she ordered something that YOU want for her dish." ~ Lazy-Restaurant-1979
"If I want prime rib and I'm told by my spouse to order eggplant - EGGPLANT?!?!?! - I might have to do the Reddit jump straight to divorce thing."
"Just kidding... kind of..."
"NTA, OP." ~ Glittering_Win_9677
"NTA. There’s a huge difference between sharing a bite and being forced to order a meal you don't want just so she can have two entrees."
"She needs to order what she actually wants and let you enjoy your own food." ~ selizea
"When I go out to eat with my family, I order a stupid amount of food because I want to try it all."
"People can have a bite or two if they want, and I take it home for later."
"I do not like to share food at all and never ask to have a bite of someone else’s."
"I’ll give up something on my plate if I don’t like it, but that’s about it."
"I raised my kid like this too - I ordered extra sides for her to try and took home leftovers because she wasn’t a big eater."
"I want my own personal buffet." ~ V2BM
"NTA. You're both adults."
"Order what you each want."
"Or at least talk before you order about whether you're getting your own dishes or sharing." ~ IzilDizzle
"NTA. Next time, tell her what she wants doesn’t sound good and that she should get a second kind of meat so that you can try 2 different ones and she can have what she says." ~ lllollllllllll
"NTA. You order what you want to eat."
"She orders what she wants."
"That's what 99% of couples do when they eat out."
"You aren't required to share your meal, and she doesn't get to dictate what you order."
"It's not fair to you if she picks two meals that she wants to try and you don't get to have a single item that you want." ~ Wild_Ticket1413
"NTA. Eating out should be something you both enjoy."
"Ask her how she would feel if you dictated what she got to eat every time you went out."
"If there are multiple items she would like to try, she can ask the server what they would recommend, or you can come back another time for her to try something different." ~ gfromk
"NTA. What a ridiculous expectation every time you go out to eat."
"If she wants something, then she should get that, but literally forcing you to choose something for yourself from her choices is insane."
"You two need to talk about why she feels the need to control what you eat, and you aren't allowed a choice in the matter." ~ LilBoo2019TR
"She’s being very selfish because that means you never get exactly what you’d like to eat."
"My husband and I share food (bites) when we eat out, but we never require the other to automatically order something they'd eat."
"NTA and tell her to stop acting entitled." ~ Mission_Breakfast548
"NTA. My wife and I always share food, but every time we order, we ask what the other person wants to eat."
"Tell your wife to order two dishes if she wants the eggplant." ~ artoflife
"NTA. Flip the script: order the prime rib and tell her to order ribs."
"Perhaps that will make it clear to her how her behavior looks in reverse." ~ ModestWasp
"NTA. Ugh, I hate the concept of sharing dishes."
"You order what you want, and I’ll order what I want."
"End of story." ~ Odd-Charity3508
"NTA, but you fu*ked up years ago by letting this happen the very first time."
"Should have nipped this bud as soon as she first suggested it." ~ smish_my_oogie
"My aunt used to do this when the family would go out to eat."
"She wanted all nine of us to order different entrees, so she could taste around."
"Always an argument with her!" ~ Sensitive_Garden3961
"You need to explain to your wife that since you don't go out to eat very often, you want to eat what you want to eat, not what she wants to eat, and you are not going to do it the way she wants to do it."
"She just needs to accept that." ~ LdiJ46
"NTA. I love sharing dishes. If my partner and I agree on two dishes, we’ll share."
"If I really want a pasta and he really wants a burger, we won’t share."
"Sometimes I’ll ask to share, and he’ll tell me what he wants, and if it wasn’t on my radar, I’ll ask him for a bite or two."
"I get where your wife is coming from because I love sharing, but it shouldn’t be a huge deal if you don’t want what she wants." ~ ExcitingFlamingo7798
"What an odd ask."
"Remind your wife that she can try her second choice next time you go to this restaurant."
"Heck, you could even offer to keep track of what she orders this time so she can try something else in the future. NTA." ~ fer_sure
"NTA - People who dictate what others should eat are insufferable."
"Unless you are on some diet that YOU decided to go on, not her deciding for you." ~ Remarkable_Dust3450
"NTA. The expectation is ridiculous."
"But to mitigate it, talk about it before your next restaurant trip and let her know you will be ordering based on what you're in the mood for, not necessarily what she wants." ~ Embarrassed_Rope_281
"NTA. My husband and I will do this sometimes."
"If we both think two dishes sound good, we'll each order one so we can try both."
"That doesn't mean, however, that we're splitting them evenly."
"We swap a bite or two, but we eat our own plates."
"If this is something you've put your foot down about before and you keep reminding her that you don't want to share food, your wife is being selfish." ~ anonymoose_octopus
"Just set boundaries."
"I know a couple like this too, where the wife just wants to eat what she ordered, and the husband wants the best of both worlds."
"For a while there she suffered through his half-meals, but after repeated conversations she got it through his head."
"She orders what she wants, and if he really wants the second thing, he’ll get both for himself and take the rest home." ~ caffeinequeen24601
"NTA. You both should be ordering for your pleasure. "
"She just has fomo and it's not fair that she uses you to make sure she has a lot of options, especially when none of those options are what you prefer to eat." ~ keesouth
"NTA, but seriously, set a boundary; this is weird."
"If she wants to try stuff or share, then occasionally go to buffets or family-style restaurants; otherwise, she can try something new whenever you go out."
"Ordering multiple meals seems excessive, and expecting you to be the one to order what she wants to eat instead of you getting what you want is selfish." ~ Aggravating-Pear9760
"NTA. She needs to get over her decision paralysis and keep the other dishes in mind for the next time."
"Or order all the dishes (she's paying, right???) and take home her leftovers."
"Order what you want - it's YOUR meal, not hers." ~ Salt_My_Watermelon
Reddit agrees with you, OP.
Your wife needs to learn about food boundaries.
She's a grown-up.
She can eat her own meals.
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