We've all known someone who thinks that they're better than everyone else and that nothing is good enough for them.
Spending time with someone who only values the most expensive and elite is honestly exhausting, agreed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit, and really not worth it most of the time.
Redditor Double-Schedule3160 was getting pretty fed up with her brother's girlfriend, whom her brother regularly insisted that she spend time with.
But when the girlfriend constantly picked at where she shopped and what she did for fun, the Original Poster (OP) wasn't the most interested in including her in her wedding plans.
She asked the sub:
"AITA for letting someone skip my bachelorette party and not telling them new details that would've changed their mind?"
The OP didn't get along particularly well with her brother's girlfriend.
"My brother has been trying to push me to get closer to his girlfriend, 'Mary' (together three months)."
"I've done my best to get to know her (initiating dinners, trying her hobbies with her, etc.), but we honestly don't really get along."
"I personally think she's a snob (she complimented my designer bag, but took the compliment back when she found out it was thrifted. As in she literally said, 'Yikes, I take that back') while she thinks I lack 'culture and sophistication' (also something she's mentioned when trying to convince me to do a 'makeover' with her)."
The OP's brother was insistent that she include her in her wedding plans.
"The issue is that I'm getting married this year, and my brother has been REALLY trying to get her involved. I put my foot down with the bridal party since they've only been dating for three months and I don't know her, but he insisted that I invite her to the bachelorette."
"It was originally supposed to be super lowkey and local. Mary tried to push for something more extravagant, but it really wasn't in my budget."
"When I wouldn't budge, she told us something came up that weekend, and she couldn't go."
But then the OP's friends did something wonderful for her.
"I was later surprised by my friends who had come together to organize a lavish weekend through favors and points (i.e., one of my friend's aunts works for a spa, so she was able to get discounted packages, another used her travel points to book a suite, etc.)."
"I was not told about this and was truly and happily surprised."
The OP's brother and girlfriend lashed out after the event.
"The issue is that Mary found out when we posted pictures, and she was P**SED."
"My brother is now saying that I deliberately left her out, but she told me she was busy!"
"Mary said that if she had known what the weekend was like, though, she would have rearranged her schedule."
"I feel conflicted because I suspect that my friends didn't tell Mary on purpose, but they're claiming they made these plans after Mary bowed out and didn't reach back out since she was busy."
"My brother still says I should have double-checked and made more of an effort to let Mary know my plans, so I figured I'd ask the internet for their thoughts!"
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said that the girlfriend didn't get to decide which party was "good enough" for her.
"What Mary is saying is, 'I don't care about YOU enough to rearrange to celebrate YOU, but I do care about ME having a good time enough to figure out scheduling in order to have a good time for ME.' It's all about her." - Gigglemage
"If the plans change enough that the stated reason for not attending would not be relevant to the new plans, that's one thing."
"Mary's stated reason was that she was busy that weekend, and nothing changed about when it was happening. Even taking her at face value, there was nothing to indicate that the plans changed enough that an invitation should be re-issued."
"Not taking her at face value, well..."
"The reason she's mad is that her actual reason for not attending (her perception of the plans as beneath her) was no longer relevant. You know, the reason she didn't give up when making her excuses was because it would be rude and entitled to say so. (Though that doesn't seem to have stopped her from implying it through her complaints now.)"
"On the plus side, Mary not bothering to attend meant OP could have a great bachelorette party without her, and that OP wouldn't have to deal with Mary's general personality and the personality clash that would have resulted."
"P.S. OP is NTA, obviously." - Repulsive-Error9728
"Miss Snooty-pants has made it quite obvious that OP isn't good enough for her. OP doesn't need to spend any more energy trying to befriend this woman." - Mrs_Weaver
"She wouldn't have liked it anyway: it was obtained by points/employee discounts, so the 'thrift' might have rubbed off on her or smelled funny if she had gone, anyway." - quats555
"The bachelorette party is supposed to be about celebrating the bride-to-be. I would point out to your brother that his 'lovely' girlfriend literally told you point blank that she would have rearranged her schedule to accommodate something she thought she'd enjoy, which means that whatever fake thing she was pretending clashed with your party, it was clearly something that could be 'rearranged' at her convenience."
"And yet, even if we pretend that her other plans were real, she clearly didn't care enough about celebrating you as the bride to rearrange her plans up until that point."
"I would ask your brother quite bluntly if he actually cares about you or how you feel as a bride and his sister, being treated as nothing more than a source of entertainment for his girlfriend. Because not only are you NTA, but looked at through that lens, she actually owes you an apology for making your special occasion all about herself."
"Also, slightly off-topic, but she's not nearly as 'cultured and sophisticated' as she thinks. As someone who has literally socialized with heads of state and has lots of old money relatives, I can tell you without hesitation that: 1) someone who actually has any culture or sophistication would NEVER make that statement; it's incredibly tacky and rude; and 2) anyone who knows anything about actual high fashion knows that vintage and thrifted designer finds are considered an absolute treasure, not something to be embarrassed about."
"A dear friend of mine is married to one of the most famous and recognizable actors in the world and regularly wears dresses on the red carpet (Oscars included) from shops that specialize in vintage designer finds. You should be proud of yourself for scoring a designer bag from a thrift shop!" - Sorry_I_Guess
"It will cause some drama for Mary, but if it were me, I wouldn't even invite her to the wedding. Three months is not long enough to warrant an invite unless she was a long-term family friend."
"My best man had a new girlfriend. She didn't get an invite to the wedding, and she was totally fine with it."
"This is only going to go one way." - Hamsternoir
Others agreed and insisted that the OP's brother needed to mind his own business.
"NTA. Your brother needs to back off. You don't need to be his snooty girlfriend's bestie. You extended an invitation to your bachelorette, but she declined, feigning she had other plans. Your friends surprised you with a spa weekend."
"The OP said, 'The issue is that Mary found out when we posted pictures, and she was P**SED. My brother is now saying that I deliberately left her out, but she told me she was busy! Mary said that if she had known what the weekend was like, though, she would have rearranged her schedule.'"
"This situation falls into the category of 'not your problem.' If Ms Snootypatooty's schedule was too busy for a night at Dave and Buster's, she's still too busy for a spa weekend. Your brother is delusional if he thinks his girlfriend matters to anyone but him." - Peony_Pony
"OP needs to tell brother dearest that it never crossed her mind that sweet Mary would be so shallow. She said that she was busy and couldn't make it, not that she didn't like their plans. Why, it would have been rude to call her. It would imply that she was lying to get out of attending." - ditchdiggergirl
"OP's brother is delusional for thinking that someone he's been dating for three whole months should be invited to anything wedding-related by OP! She wouldn't be getting a wedding invite, either, if it were me!" - wonkiefaeriekitty5
"The entitlement of both your brother and his snobbish girlfriend. He's only been dating her for three months and he's bullying you and taking her side over yours when his girlfriend is clearly in the wrong? Yeah, she's bad news."
"I'd tell your brother what you really think about Mary and what actually happened in this situation, and if he doesn't believe you, go low-contact. You don't need this stress for the wedding."
"You're also in your full rights not to invite her. Either of you hardly even know her, what is this? Does she have golden t**ties?! My boyfriend-now-fiance wasn't invited to a friend's wedding because we hadn't been dating long, we had been dating for a year by that time!"
"Your brother sounds insane and his taste in girls is the same. NTA." - Careless_Channel_641
"What a jerk! Your brother is just as bad as the new girlfriend... My daughter was getting married... We had family photos done without the new girlfriend and then one with her. When they broke up, I tossed the picture she was in so I still had great family pictures of only our immediate family, so cropping wasn't even needed."
"Good luck with the wedding... She'll be out of the picture before you know it, I'm sure!" - Gold_Reference8247
The subReddit was amused by this situation because they knew that the OP's brother's girlfriend only wanted to attend the edited bachelorette party because she felt like a spa day was "good enough" for her, while the previous day's plans had not been.
If the brother really wanted his girlfriend to be in his sister's life, he clearly needed to do a better job of defending his sister when his girlfriend nitpicked her personality and lifestyle.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.