When it comes to a family member getting married, there is an unspoken rule that accepting an invite is not up for debate.
They are expected to show up in support of each other, no matter what.
However, there are exceptions to this unspoken rule and it depends on the kind of relationship one has with the engaged family member.
Redditor KodeRadio is a woman who isn’t very close with her sister, and a recent blowout between the two pertaining to the RSVP just drove a further wedge between their relationship.
After being conflicted about a decision she and her husband made about attending the wedding, she visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit asked:
“AITA for changing my RSVP for my sisters wedding from yes to no.”
The Original Poster (OP) expounded on her one-eighty.
“My sister is getting married in January. She sent the invites last month and I RSVP’d yes.”
“We’re not close so it was more about me being there because it’s what you do than actually wanting to be there.”
“But soon after my husband and I regretted our response. My sister has chosen the clothes for each immediate member of her and her fiance’s family to buy and has said we will be turned away if we don’t comply.”
“My dress is $350, my husband’s suit is $290, our daughter’s (6) dress $120 and our sons (4 and 1) were going to be in $80 suits.”
“She informed the family on top of the cost of our clothes that she had passed on the discount for rooms so she could invite more people to the wedding and a single room is $200 for the night, double rooms are $300 and the family room is $500 and that she already went to the effort of securing us those rooms and we would need to pay the money for them by November 1st to secure the rooms.”
“My husband told me she was crazy and that was an insane amount of money. I told her it was a lot and we couldn’t afford all that.”
“She told me we had to otherwise we will be driving six hours home after her wedding. My parents offered to pay for our hotel room and then… she sent us the link to the gift we *must* buy for her.”
“It’s $600 and can only be bought online and includes shipping or we’d have to drive to another state to pick it up.”
“My parents told her it was unreasonable to expect this much of all of us, they spent 800 on both their outfits, then the 300 on their room, the 500 on ours and added to that they were told to buy a 1000 gift for them.”
“She said it was reasonable to expect your family to make your special day a good one. And we should all do this for her.”
“Then she added a jab about at least they have a reason to dress up and look nice, unlike when I got married and didn’t even bother with a big day.”
“My husband and I highly debated pulling out of the wedding entirely and we agreed to just ignore the demands and show up anyway.”
“But then she announced that my parents, husband and I were being put in charge of paying for their honeymoon as our contribution to the wedding. Their honeymoon package came to $2,500.”
“Right after that I sent another message that our RSVP was going from a yes to a no and we would not be able to afford all this and since she’s being so demanding of our money, and insisting we will be turned away without the correct clothes on, we feel it best we are not there.”
“It has exploded. She is furious that I am saying I won’t go to her wedding and said changing your RSVP doesn’t work and is wrong.”
“She’s giving me and our parents hell over this. I feel bad in part because I know I never really wanted to go in the first place and it’s making me wonder if I am showing that and pulling out isn’t the right move.”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole for reneging on the wedding invite.
“NTA this wedding entitlement is getting crazy. I don’t know where people get the nerve to demand a sh*t ton of money from others.” – Responsible_Phase890
“NTA. My brother’s wedding was a month ago. His new bride had a request for the wedding party to wear specific colors, and we found stuff on Amazon for normal clothing prices and linked them to the bride who loved them and shared them with the rest of the party.”
“Even with great looking clothes for two adults, two boys, and an adorable flower girl dress we spent around 200$. I don’t expect the kids to wear them again, but stuck the shirts and dress with the costume stuff just in case.”
“But OP’s sister’s wedding requests are unbelievably ridiculous to expect normal people to follow when it isn’t their big day!” – AedhDragon
“NTA. I’m kinda hoping someone films this wedding and it becomes a viral YouTube bridezilla hot mess, which you can enjoy from the safe comfort of your home.” – OnceUponATomb
“NTA. The sense of entitlement, my God.”
“She legit says that you have to buy her a $600 gift, and then thinks you’re going to pay for the honeymoon? Plus more than $1,000 in wardrobe expenses?”
“To call her deluded is an insult to the deluded. Don’t second guess yourself, and look after your family. As we all know, that money is better spent on things other than your sister’s honeymoon and suits for toddlers.” – Jonny-Pasadena
“NTA. Your sister is insane. It’s telling that your parents are on your side, as any reasonable human being would be.”
“And holy moly what a rude jab at you about your wedding day. Seems like someone has no idea what the purpose of weddings are.” – Fattypanda94
Overall, Redditors said the OP’s sister was being a bridezilla with her unreasonable demands.
One person suggested the OP can politely tell her sister she can’t “meet her vision of her day” and leave her a card instead.
They summed up their thoughts perfectly and added a “wedding does not make a marriage. A honeymoon does not make a marriage. Spending lots of money does not make a marriage.”