It is normal to want the Pinterest-perfect wedding. But, that doesn’t mean you can ask your bridesmaids to change their hair or personality so you can have a nice picture.
Some people are bridezillas, and they need to be reminded it’s not all about them.
Redditor Ro_ro_ro4458 encountered this very issue with her sister. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for not growing my hair out for my sisters wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Won’t grow my hair hair for sisters wedding.”
“A little context- sister got engaged a month ago on her birthday. I’m genuinely happy for her. But lately? Holy hell has she become a bridezilla. Her wedding is not even till April 2022.”
“Anyways, I’m pretty short haired and love it this way. Had it this way since I was 16, so I’ve had it this way for years.”
“I don’t like being feminine (I only wear dresses for my girlfriend since I feel comfortable doing so for her. And never really in public.) It makes me uncomfortable.”
OP’s sister wants her to be more feminine.
“She wants me to wear a bright pink long dress. I asked if I could wear a tux since I would be more comfortable. She got upset and firmly said no.”
“I sighed and agreed to the dress. Even though I’ve never worn a dress around my other/extended family.”
“She then said that she wanted her bridesmaids to have a flower in their hair. I promptly told her that my hair is not long enough for that. Five minutes of arguing and I relent; after all, it’s her ‘big day.'”
“But then came the part I blew up.”
“She sent a pic of how she wanted the bridesmaids’ hair to be done. I apologized and said, again, my hairs not long enough for that and that I’ll make sure it’s combed and neat anyway.”
OP’s sister was angry.
“She had a meltdown, saying ‘NO! I want my bridesmaids to look a certain way. That means you too!!’ Angrily, I told her ‘I don’t care. You can’t force people to do something with their body that they don’t want to do.'”
“She proceeded to try to guilt me, play the sad sister card and compare me to her damn friends. ‘Mira is a lesbian. But she’s still doing this.'”
“I told her ‘I don’t give a fuck what Mira is or isn’t doing. This is my body. You can’t force me to grow my hair out just because you want a ‘certain look’. You’re being a bitch and completely overly controlling about everything. I already agreed to many things I’m not comfortable with, but I draw the line here. And if you’re not going to respect that, then I don’t even want to be in the wedding. I will just attend.'”
“She cried and said ‘fine. Then don’t be in it.’ But clearly that means that she’s trying to guilt me into it.”
OP’s parents agreed with her.
“My dad and mother firmly stood by my side and said that she had no right to do this. But they do need to give her something, since it is her special day and she’s all excited and everything.”
“She called my mom crying and said ‘she’s being selfish and only cares about herself. It’s my day.’ She later called my dad and insulted me saying that I dress like a bum.”
“Am I being selfish? Should I just grow my hair out and then cut it the day after?”
OP added some edits.
“EDIT: Thank you so much everyone for the wonderful and supportive comments. And thank you for taking the time to read this and sharing your opinions and stories. It was very appreciated. I spoke with my sister over the phone and we argued a bit, but we eventually came to a conclusion.”
“I felt bad for making her cry. I’m going to wear a suit Color coordinated with the rest of the bridesmaids. I’m going to wear flower clip in my hair and light makeup.”
“We apologized to each other. I’m still a little uncertain about being in the wedding if it means dealing with this for the next 12 months, but she compromised so I think it’s fair.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. Your body, your choice.”
“What is it today with people dictating other people’s hair? (There was a post earlier about a father’s girlfriend cutting a kid’s hair against the will of everyone involved).”
“If she cares so much, maybe she can buy you a wig? Because this is not about a dress code for one day, it would impact you every day until the wedding. And that is assuming your hair grows fast enough for her liking.” ~ AlmostChristmasNow
“Yeah it wouldn’t. My hair takes forever to grow(vitamin deficiency). And that sounds awful, damn. Thank you so much.” ~ Ro_ro_ro4458
“A friend of mine bought those infinity wrap dresses for her bridesmaids. She could guarantee that they would all be the right color, and then she let each person style it however they liked.”
“It was like a personality test playing out with all the variations in dress wrapping, but it looked fantastic in the photos.” ~ AnafromtheEastCoast
“Exactly. For my wedding, I found a dress on Amazon (a whole $26) where you can tie the top portion however you like.”
“My bridesmaids had different shaped bodies so one style would not work for all 3. I let them decide what to do with their hair and nails and I paid for their makeup to be done.”
“My maid of honor also ended up dying her hair a beautiful teal color a few months before the wedding and was afraid I’d be mad. I didn’t care one bit. It looked good and it was her hair. I never understood the bridezilla mentality.”
“The whole day was a blur anyway. If something didn’t go right, I didn’t know or don’t remember.” ~ diemmzzie
Some shared how they styled their short hair.
“A lesbian friend of mine had a professional hair stylist do her very short hair for her sister’s wedding and made it look really fancy and feminine.”
“Offer to go to a salon to have a consultation about styles for your current length that she might like.” ~ Fredredphooey
“NTA. Totally agree with this.”
“I have short hair and had my hair styled into finger waves (retro 1950’s look) for the last wedding I was part of. It was a chill wedding though, the bride just told us what color to wear so we coordinated and had the hairdresser and makeup done for the bridal party.”
“I would probably just opt out of the bridal party in your case, if she’s this bad now I don’t want to imagine how she’ll be when it’s closer.” ~ Outside-Feeling
It’s their hair, that doesn’t change because you have a ring on your finger.