Ah, the plus one invitation.
Its intent is generally to allow guests to bring a date, significant other, or friend so they don’t have to attend an event alone.
But what if the host doesn’t like someone’s plus one? What if it’s a wedding invitation?
A bride whose brother decided to use his plus one to invite someone she can’t stand turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
EmptyEarth507 asked:
“AITA for taking away my brother’s plus one and inviting his girlfriend myself?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I kind of know I am the a**hole, but I need to know how bad it was.”
“My brother is 29 and has been with Lia for about 2 years. We all like her; she is super nice.”
“I am getting married next April and sent an invite to my brother’s apartment. We decided to send invites to households and not individuals.”
“For example, our aunt received an invite for her family and not for each individual.”
“Last Thursday, we met at my parents’ place. It was just the core family because of some tax reasons.”
“While there, I asked my brother about Lia’s dietary restrictions. I know she is a vegetarian for health reasons and cannot have certain raw vegetables.”
“He said that she wasn’t going to come and that he was taking his girl best friend, Amanda, instead. Now, their relationship is weird AF.”
“Amanda has always been stringing my brother along, in my opinion. He always denies having feelings for her, but let’s be real here.”
“Amanda would date other guys, blow off my brother, then when things were on the decline with her partners, she would be attached to my brother again.”
“Her last boyfriend broke up with her right around the time my brother, his then-girlfriend, and Amanda and her ex were supposed to travel to Spain. What did my idiot brother do?
“Go with Amanda alone because Amanda was uncomfortable with his girlfriend. Obviously, he acted blindsided when his girlfriend broke up with him.”
“Amanda is jealous when anyone spends time with him. I once told him to ask her to have a one-sided open relationship where she gets to do what she wants, and he waits at home for her, because he already does that.”
“I don’t even say anything anymore because it’s all so weird.”
“So, when he said that, I asked if Lia already had other plans. But my brother said that Amanda had asked if she could come because it would be an opportunity to finally see the old gang (we were in the same friend group in high school).”
“I told him that I would have invited Amanda if I wanted her there. Amanda is mean and cold. She always makes disparaging comments about other girls.
“At every event, around one hour in, she will make some sort of scene that either has her running away crying or sitting mad at a table telling everyone to ‘leave her alone’ and then making a cryptic comment about something ‘hurting her’.”
“I never talked to her after we graduated. She burned bridges with a lot of people, and the other half were disposable to her. She would only talk to them when she needed something.”
“I told my brother I was revoking his plus one and Amanda was NOT coming to our wedding. He accused me of being misogynistic and bigoted because I don’t understand opposite-sex friendships.”
“Which is BS. My soon-to-be husband has a female childhood friend who is his best woman. I love her too, and she has been amazing.”
“AND SHE RESPECTS F*CKING BOUNDARIES. She always includes me and made a huge effort when I started dating my fiancé to integrate me into the friend group.”
“Anyway, I said my decision was final. He could take it or leave it, but I would be inviting Lia myself because I like her.”
“I called Lia in front of him, asking her about it. She had no idea.”
“I like Lia, like genuinely as a friend, and would like her there. I should just have invited her officially, too. I should have honestly been able to foresee David would do this.”
“Lia can so much better. On paper, my brother is pretty great. Amazing job, financial stability, he volunteers at animal shelters and cares about his appearance.”
“And when he is not drooling for Amanda, he is generally really nice and loving. But bro…”
I gave up talking to him years ago. I always feel sorry for the amazing girls he brings home.”
“I still talk to his ex. She helped me with my career. He is going to end up alone.”
“He screamed at me and told me to keep out of his business. I said to get rid of his weird f*cking feelings for Amanda.”
“He is mad at me. My dad said it is none of our business. My mom is furious with my brother.”
“My dad is not mad at me. He thinks it’s unnecessary drama. He doesn’t like Amanda either, so he is just keeping out of it.”
“That woman will not step half a foot in our venue without being escorted out by security.”
“So AITA?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I revoked my brother’s plus one and invited his girlfriend, whom I like, instead of his friend, whom I can’t stand.”
“Because technically, it’s up to him who he takes, as I had not put names on the invite.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. I think the bottom line is you don’t want Amanda at your wedding because she causes a scene and brings a negative energy. I think you are well within your right to say she is not allowed at the wedding.”
“You can invite Lia yourself, but by the sounds of your brother’s behaviour who knows if they will even still be together by then. Even if they are, I wouldn’t count on her sticking around if he keeps prioritizing Amanda over her.”
“Tell your brother it’s Lia or no one. It’s your wedding you don’t have to have people there you don’t like.” ~ Prudent_Fold190
“NTA; primarily because you say you intentionally did NOT invite Amanda and that you two no longer get along, despite previously sharing a friend group.”
“He doesn’t get to bring someone intentionally not invited to your wedding.”
“Unfortunately you can’t control his obsession with Amanda and he likely has to keep destroying relationships before he finally gets that he is prioritizing her over his relationships.” ~ PlaceDue1063
“NTA. But just to be safe, tell Lia she is invited even if she isn’t with your brother anymore at the time of the wedding because—let’s be real here—she can do a lot better and it’s just a matter of time before she realises that and dumps him.”
“Let Lia have a +1 so she can enjoy herself 🙂 That would make her feel truly welcome.”
“Your brother is a major a**hole, and I don’t blame you at all for not wanting his side piece at your wedding. I also wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want him at your wedding.” ~ Silmariel
“NTA. I never understand why people would want to go anywhere they are not wanted or liked, especially if it’s being held by someone that they don’t like?” ~ zai4aj
“It’s a power play. Amanda wants to win. It strokes her ego to get her way.”
“She’s in for a rude awakening. OP’s family need to know which one is the outsider and which one is family and be reminded who the bride is.”
“It’s not that the bride doesn’t want to give brother dearest a plus one. It’s that he’s inviting an unwanted guest to her wedding.”
“Amanda wants to shove her presence in other people’s faces to feel important when really, nobody wants her except the fool that’s defending her.”
“Can you imagine being the bride and the daughter and you have a family member actually against you for not wanting a certain person at YOUR OWN wedding. Amanda seems to be an infamous wretch in her circle.”
“And as proven recently, a home wrecker. She has the brother on her side. She wants OP’s own wedding to be about her.”
“A quick post to her friends and family and exposing Amanda for the vile person she is may give Amanda a cold shower.” ~ Glowwey
“She wants to use OP’s wedding to get together with her high school friends—on OP’s dime, of course.” ~ Sad_Narwhal_
“Your brother is a real pr*ck. He’s going to be single again very soon unless he learns to consider and appreciate his partners.”
“But I don’t see that happening, based on his reaction to Princess Amanda not being invited.”
“But quite apart from that, you have the right to disinvite unpleasant people from your wedding. Brother can pound sand. NTA.” ~ starkcattiness4433
“Yikes. Lia should dump him—he is a terrible boyfriend. You should give her a plus one so she can bring someone who is not a d-bag. NTA.” ~ Second_Breakfast_2
“NTA, it’s your wedding and you don’t need your brother and his side chick’s drama at your special event. However, do be aware that inviting your brother and Lia will probably cause trouble—maybe consider uninviting your brother too.” ~ Skull_Bearer_
“NTA, your brother is though. He needs a huge reality check.”
“This chick Amanda sounds super problematic and toxic, and since it is your wedding, you are absolutely within your rights to decide who gets to be there and who doesn‘t.”
“Hope your brother will realize how manipulative Amanda is and cut her from his life before she manages to destroy even more for him.” ~ Anon_NK99
“I’m surprised you think you’re an a**hole at all. You are well within your rights not to want someone who causes drama at your wedding.”
“Amanda wants to see the old gang, cool, but you don’t want her there. That’s an Amanda problem.”
“I see others saying Lia would probably be uncomfortable and I’d agree. You can’t force your brother’s girlfriend into the picture if he’s trying to exclude her.”
“But you can make sure Amanda’s not there. That’s not you being an a**hole, your brother is the asshole here. 100%.” ~ EffectiveOne236
“You are the bride, and you are completely entitled to veto someone’s presence if you know they will cause scenes and spread all over bad energy, and instead invite someone you actually like and whose personality you enjoy.”
“If you don’t want Amanda at your wedding, your brother has to deal with it. And after this drama, Lia should be an independent guest, not just your brother’s plus-one. NTA.” ~ OrcaMum23
It’s the bride’s wedding day, not a class reunion.
Everyone agreed she gets veto powers over unwanted guests—regardless of who invited them.