We often take for granted that the parting words and ceremonial rituals in the wake of someone’s death will be full of reverence and sensitivity.
But what if the people closest to the recently deceased weren’t the biggest fans?
That was the situation encountered by one Redditor, who posted their experience on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit.
Despite the air of death in the story, the Original Poster (OP), known as One-Poetry9190 on the site, managed to get a pun in the post’s title.
“AITA for not paying to change my father’s gravely insulting gravestone?”
OP got right into the dramatic details.
“My father and mother had a very bitter marriage towards the end of his life, he had a long running affair with another married co-worker and got her pregnant before he passed.”
“He was planning to leave mom, skip the country and move to Canada to start a new life with her. They had a house picked out and all.”
But an unexpected development took place.
“He had moved out and was living with his co-worker when he suddenly died of a heart attack while having sex.”
“Divorce papers were never filed, no legal separation. They were in the process of moving all things legal.”
“But on paper, they were still happily married.”
Then came time to settle the affairs.
“Now me and my siblings are already out of home, our youngest sibling is 19 and is in college. I work for a tech company and I’m currently back in my hometown helping my mom manage his estate.”
“Well, my mom was hurt and petty and marked his gravestone as “In loving memory of John Doe, son, husband, father and adulterer.”
Believe it or not, not everybody was thrilled with that inscription.
“My dad’s family and his pregnant partner are mad and want me to fix it.”
“I personally think it’s fine, that’s who he was. He was all of those things. And since it’s my mom’s plot, I can’t do anything.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
A clear majority of Redditors felt OP hadn’t been an a**hole for keeping the stone as is.
In fact, they were loving it.
“NTA your moms a straight bad a** though 😂” — Ju5tc411m3A
“NTA!! It’s his true legacy and your mom is in full rights to do what she wants here. Petty it is then!!” — FierceQueen7
“NTA, if you don’t have any issue with it and it’s not your plot then it’s 110% not your problem. But dang did your mom ever get the last laugh. A bit of a legend IMO” — KindheartednessNo54
“Im sorry but i burst out laughing reading that inscription. When it doubt, be honest. Dying doesnt suddenly make someone a saint and erase all their sins. Nta. Your moms a bada**.” — Starlight_Sparrow
“NTA. Your mom is as petty as my mom and I live for it. Your father was an adulterer, all things true, if he didn’t want something like that on his gravestone, he should have filed for divorced.”
“PS. 100% sure my own mother would have done something similar to her ex-fiance.” — Melodic-Living-588
Many wondered how OP got so roped into it all in the first place.
“NTA – it’s not yours, it’s your mom’s to deal with. She’s given her answer on the matter, so it’s closed.”
“If they’re so offended by the accurate description, then perhaps they should go buy a park bench at a park and dedicate it to him how they want to dedicate it to him and go there to ‘visit’ him…this is so not your problem at all.”
“BTW, your mom is awesome.” — No-Policy-4095
“NTA. I don’t see how your mom dealing with her own property in her own way is your responsibility. Too bad for her that your dad’s gf was better at making panty pudding than doing paperwork.” — Whoreson_Welles
“NTA. This isn’t your fight. Just stay out of it. Tell them you can’t change anything as it all is in your Mom’s name. And let that be the end of it.” — Mysterious_Task_5949
And a few had some supplemental concerns.
“I would DIE (no pun intended) if I was walking through a cemetery and saw that! Your mom is an icon. NTA. I hope she burns his old shirts or something.”
“Also, while going through estate papers and talking to lawyers, ask about what rights the side piece will have in claiming money for her kid, since it was your dad‘a kid too. Just so you’re all prepared.” — NatureWoman22
“NTA. Definitely nervous for your mom’s future once that baby is born though. I’m not super sure how child support works internationally, let alone when it’s dealing with a deceased party and their estate, but that’s definitely something that may be coming sooner than later.”
“If your mom and dad had a will, please make sure she brings this situation up to the lawyers handling it.”
“I personally have zero sympathies for a woman who intentionally sleeps with married men, so I’d suggest your mother makes sure she’s not helping raise that kid with her money.” — madamxombie
“I really only feel bad for unborn child and for y’all having to deal with your parents’ immaturity tbh. Your mother is petty and bitter, your father was an a**, and the mistress is an idiot for getting pregnant by an older married man.”
“That’s all I’ve got. The mistress might as well get a lawyer, established paternity, see what the child is entitled to, and get SS.” — callalilliesinbloom
“Your father is dead; he’ll never know what was on his gravestone, so this doesn’t punish him, it punishes anyone who still dares to love him. What a cruel thing to do.”
“Question: How do you know he died while having sex? Who on earth would volunteer that information?” — Skeeezik
So if OP goes along with the majority of people in the Reddit thread, we can expect that gravestone to stay marked just the way it is.