When you have a baby there are great days and gross days.
I hear sometimes the gross days outnumber the good.
But that is the life of a parent.
And there are going to be responsibilities that make you want to cringe.
You just hope that you and your partner—should you have one—are on the same page when choosing the best ways to cope with the cringe.
Otherwise there could be drama.
Case in point…
Redditor throawayyyyyy68 wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for telling my wife that I wasn’t going to change my daughter’s diapers.”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Me and my wife have been together for 6 yrs and have a 1 1/2 yr old daughter.”
“My daughter drinks milk on a regular basis.”
“2 weeks ago, she started getting explosive diarrhea, the one where it soaks through her clothes and diaper.”
“I told my wife that I felt that our daughter was lactose intolerant.”
“My wife refused to listen and still gave her milk.”
“Again she had explosive diarrhea and my wife was confused on what was going on.”
“She was convinced she had a stomach virus.”
“This went on for a few days with me constantly telling my wife not to give our daughter milk.”
“She would ignore me and tell me I was wrong.”
“Yesterday my daughter stayed with me instead of going to her nanny.”
“I wanted to test my theory and gave her no dairy products and behold, she pooped normally.”
“I told my wife and she didn’t believe me.”
“I went to go get dinner yesterday and when I came back, she gave our daughter a bottle of milk.”
“I asked why she gave her a bottle. She said she asked for a bottle.”
“I told her that I was not going to change her diaper once she pooped because she’s lactose intolerant and doesn’t believe me.”
“She asked how she became lactose intolerant out of nowhere and that I was just trying to get out of changing diapers.”
“I told her ‘no, I’m telling you what’s the problem and you’re not listening. I’m always changing her diaper after she has explosive diarrhea and it isn’t fair.'”
“She tells me to grow up and to do my dad responsibilities. I don’t think it’s fair.”
“AITA???”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared ESH and OP and WIFE are the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“ESH, but your 18 month old has severe persistent diarrhea with sudden onset, and you’re worried about one-upping your wife??”
“Who gives a crap who is right take that kid to a doctor!”
“Changing my determination because your wife not seeing this as an issue is a huge AH move too.” ~ Material_Bench_4806
“I cannot even with both of them! Two weeks of your kid suffering and they just don’t care??? “
“Also, I have never failed to get an appointment day of when there is something wrong with my kid.”
“If they couldn’t see me for two days with something like this I would find a new pediatrician.” ~ Music_withRocks_In
“The mother is not only an AH, she’s an abusive AH for ignoring the daughter’s obvious medical issue.”
“The father is just a passive dad who doesn’t take ownership of his daughter’s care even though the daughter is suffering under his wife’s care.
“Poor kid.” ~ rhetorical_twix
“Neither of them know that the baby is lactose intolerant.”
“OP thinks that she is, but that hasn’t been confirmed, and other sources of the diarrhea (like a stomach bug) haven’t been ruled out yet.” ~ procellosus
“He cared enough to test not giving her milk, and noticing that her poop was normal.”
“The mother wants to be right so badly that she’s not even willing to entertain that.”
“Given that the mother doesn’t even trust him enough to believe that he’s not lying about the milk.”
“They’ve got MUCH bigger issues than just milk and diapers, and they need either serious therapy or a divorce.” ~ Starob
“OP being an a** isn’t anything to do with the wife.”
“She’s an AH to both her child and OP, because she’s assuming that she as mother is the sole expert on the child, and is refusing to consider OP might be right.”
“OP is also an AH, but only to his child, because while yes, he’s almost certainly technically correct about the child’s lactose intolerance, his theorising hasn’t functionally made any difference to baby’s health problems.”
“It took two weeks of diarrhoea before he got the chance to test his theory out.”
“And he’s only booked a doctor’s appointment today.”
“It should not take that long.”
“If he couldn’t get his wife on-board with testing a no-dairy day.”
“He should have put a bigger priority on getting kiddo to the doctor for a formal diagnosis, because mom is more likely to listen to the expert telling her to cut it out.” ~ Normal-Height-8577
“NTA but you REALLY need to get her to a paediatrician NOW.”
“If untreated and she keeps being fed dairy, she could be losing vital nutrition she needs to grow.”
“If she is, you need to know the severity and what are good alternatives for her to eat.” ~ ZippyKoala
“NTA. Lactose intolerance is a reasonable suspicion from the symptoms.”
“And it’s crazy that your wife won’t consider cutting out the milk until your daughter can be tested.”
“If something were making my child that sick, I would do anything to not put them through this.” ~TinyRascalSaurus
“ESH. The diaper changing is about your kid who is in a poopy diaper, not your standoff with your partner about who takes care of your child in that moment.”
“There is very obviously frustration on all sides and I do see your point as extremely valid.”
“But don’t make your kid a prop in a disagreement.” ~ Cold_Significance_43
“NTA omg I’m so sorry dude. that really sucks. take your daughter to a doctor maybe, your wife is soooo rude about it too.”
“if your wife wants to feed her milk even after she’s lactose intolerant, let her change the diaper.” ~ graysonthegrate
“YTA. Take your kid to a damn doctor before you randomly give her a medical diagnosis.”
“Yes, it could be lactose intolerance, but lactose intolerance that goes from 0-100 in two weeks time isn’t normal lactose intolerance.”
“It’s generally a reaction to an illness or infection and in that case, can sometimes be recovered from.”
“Trust me, as someone who is from a family of those with lactose intolerance, you don’t want a kid who can’t have dairy products if you can avoid it.”
“It’s hard to get the right amounts of calcium particularly in childhood, and several of my siblings have had later medical issues due to that.” ~ PurpleMarsAlien
“NTA – saw your response to others saying you’ll take your daughter to the pediatrician. Good job!”
“It’s sad that you had to ask the internet if being a responsible father who’s tired of putting up with crap (talking about your wife on this one) makes you an AH.” ~ Mysterious-Meet-2599
“NTA— I suddenly became lactose intolerant out of nowhere at the age of 28. It can absolutely just randomly appear one day.”
“Go to a doctor— it’s a super simple test.”
“I’m more wondering about why your wife is just ignoring the mess and acting like nothing is wrong? Like, that’s odd. Is she in denial?” ~ Rhomya
“ESH. If it was a stomach virus – she shouldn’t be having only one diarrhea diaper a day.”
“If it is a milk allergy or lactose intolerance your one time exhibit wouldn’t prove it. You would need to remove all dairy for about a week, then slowly add it in.”
“But neither of you seem to be concerned about your child’s health but rather who is ‘right.’” ~ Calm_Initial
“So diarrhea in babies and toddlers is serious and can lead to medical complications quickly.”
“Stop giving her milk until she sees the pediatrician on Friday.”
“You don’t want a dehydrated baby. That can quickly devolved into a ER visit. Give her an alternative.”
“Also, diary with a stomach virus isn’t good as well. For adults and children.”
“So her desire to keep giving her milk, even if she believes it’s a stomach virus is very questionable (at best.)”
“If she thought your daughter had a stomach virus, why didn’t she make a doctor visit sooner?”
“It’s also concerning that she will dismiss your legitimate concerns and will keep giving her a food option that makes you uncomfortable as a father.”
“This is something that needs to be discussed.”
“If not, consider marriage counseling for this issue.”
“Undermining one parent in front of a child isn’t okay. NTA.” ~maat89
“ESH. Stop bickering and take your kid to the doctor.”
“Lactose Free milk exists (you can get it as whole milk), so you can try that too if you want to see if it’s easier on your baby’s tummy.” ~ Infamous-Dare6792
OP came back with a small update.
“I made an appointment and she’s going to see a pediatrician on Friday.”
Hopefully baby is fine.
And maybe OP and wife should sit down and go over some of the advice Reddit was willing to give.
Health first.