Woman Called 'Disrespectful' For Eating A Burger In Front Of Her Vegan Date At Restaurant

People follow specialized diets for a variety of reasons.

One reason is for health or medical conditions. They may have allergies or food sensitivities. They may have a condition like Crohn's or celiac disease or phenylketonuria or diabetes that requires they follow dietary guidelines.

Another reason is a desire to lose weight or improve health.

But sometimes a special diet is a matter of beliefs. Some religions include dietary restrictions in their doctrine, like kosher in Judaism and halal in Islam. Others have secular beliefs that drive their diet, like an environmentalist's commitment to eat only sustainably sourced foods, a vegetarian's commitment to not eat meat, or a vegan's commitment to not eat any animal byproducts.

A woman dating a vegan turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback after a conflict over her omnivore diet.

Responsible-Fig3868 asked:

"AITA for eating meat in front of my vegan date?"

The original poster (OP) explained:

"Here's the backstory: I (32, female) met this absolutely amazing guy (35, male). Funny, brilliant, intelligent... and vegan (so no meat, no fish, no cheese...)!"

"On our third date, he brought it up and explained his convictions, etc... About an hour later, we decided to order food."

"He chose the vegetarian dish on the menu. I went for the burger (which, to be fair, was dripping with cheese)."

"From my perspective, he's free to eat what he wants. But I have no intention of becoming vegan or even vegetarian myself. So, I simply ordered what I felt like eating at that moment."

"A few days later, we talked again over text, and he called me out on it. For him, it was a real lack of tact on my part and pretty disrespectful of his convictions, which he had shared just an hour before we ordered."

"Now I'm feeling a bit confused about the situation. I like him, but I don't really see where the disrespect lies in my actions."

"What's your take on this?"

"Please don't respond if you're anti-vegan. This isn't about criticizing him specifically, but rather about evaluating my own reaction during that dinner. Thanks!"

The OP later added:

"Just a clarification: of course, he never asked me to become vegetarian myself one day."

"In this case, it's the fact that I ate meat in front of him (right after he talked about it and considering we might potentially kiss afterward)."

"I'll add that, in the end, he did pay for both our meals. I offered to pay, but he refused."

The OP summed up their situation.

"The action being judged is that I ordered and ate a meat-based dish (a burger with cheese) during a date with someone who is vegan."

"This happened shortly after they explained their convictions about veganism."

"It might make me the a**hole because, from their perspective, my choice showed a lack of tact or respect for their beliefs, especially since they had shared their views with me earlier during the date."

"That said, my intention wasn't to disrespect them—I just ordered what I felt like eating, as I consider food choices a personal matter. I'm trying to figure out if I was really in the wrong or if it's simply a difference in how we view these things."

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

• NTA - Not The A**hole
• YTA - You're The A**hole
• NAH - No A**holes Here
• ESH - Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).

"So he expects his convictions to control the actions of someone he's just getting to know? Yeah, that sounds real healthy and balanced."

"Write this one off as incompatible unless you're happy to change your mind about being a vegan, because if he expects you to not order animal products or byproducts in front of him at this stage, he's probably going to insist that you not order them at all if you two become a serious committed item."

"If you're lucky, he might wait until you move in together to tell you that no animal products or byproducts are allowed in the life of his significant other at all, not even when you go out with friends or family without him (and it sounds like he'll also expect your friends and family to make all gatherings vegan or he'll make a stink)."

"NTA. He can decide that he has a boundary of only dating other vegans, and thus decide that you're not a good dating option for him, but it's controlling for him to demand you change your eating patterns to suit his convictions." ~ KaliTheBlaze

"If he'd asked her not to eat meat around him in the future, that would be fine. Or when it's done well before a date, she can choose whether she wants to accommodate his wishes.

"Then it's asking, not demanding or expecting, and asking is always okay."

"But that's not what he did. He scolded her after the fact, describing her behavior as disrespectful. That means he expected her to change her behavior before he communicated that he wanted that, and is faulting her for not anticipating what he wanted."

"Or, I guess, if you want to give him an overly generous benefit of the doubt, he gave an indirect half-a** indication of what he wanted after the date had already started, when it's much more awkward for the other person to refuse your expectations and/or disengage."

"Putting someone in a position where they have to anticipate what you want from indirect communication of it is controlling behavior, especially when it's done after they're already committed to being there. NTA, OP."

"Maturity means communicating your expectations in a timely fashion, not scolding someone for not meeting them after the fact. You cannot be gracious while also punishing someone for not meeting your uncommunicated desires."

"If he wants his dates to not eat meat, he should date other vegans. If he just wants them to not eat meat around him, he needs to use his words before the date begins so that his prospective date can decide if that's a restriction they're comfortable with or whether it makes them incompatible."

"And if he expects the person he's dating to not eat meat, dairy, or eggs around him permanently, he's basically asking them to become mostly vegan by the time they get to moving in together, which is a really big ask. He needs to be frank and honest about what he's trying to sign people up for so they can freely choose."

"Respecting his convictions and his choices means that you take care to only serve or offer him vegan food, and making sure that he will have options before you suggest a place to eat. It does not mean being bound by them yourself."

"Maturity means understanding that a person only gets to make choices for themself, and not everyone around them. Choosing to only date other people who share your convictions is a perfectly valid, legitimate choice."

"Demanding or expecting that people will change their lifestyle to match your convictions is not—you only do that when you're still in the immature mindset that the world revolves around you."

"Asking if someone would be willing to is acceptable; scolding them for not realizing you expected them to even though you didn't clearly communicate that expectation is not." ~ KaliTheBlaze

"You were under no obligation to follow his diet on a date."

"As far as being disrespectful of his convictions, it doesn't appear that you tried to make him take a bite of your burger so I would disagree on that aspect, too."

"He sounds like the kinda person who gives vegetarians/vegans a bad name. NTA." ~ Paul-Kersey

"I know a married couple where one of them is vegan and a pretty outspoken animal rights activist. The other one is an omnivore. They respect each other's views and dietary choices."

"I've been to their house numerous times, and we BBQ'd meat, and nobody freaked out. The vegan folks in the group didn't touch the meat or cheese, and that's it."

"Nobody died from being in the presence of meat. Some people are just unreasonable on purpose for attention." ~ hugh_jorgyn

"I'm vegan myself, so you know this comment isn't coming from someone simply judging the guy for being vegan. You are NTA here. He is in the wrong."

"Some vegans are 100% OK with friends/partners eating meat in front of them. Others are not, because it's too upsetting, off-putting, nauseating, etc... Both are valid ways to feel. Can't help how you feel."

"However, if they belong to the latter group, it is up to them to make sure they avoid their triggers. They can't expect others to change their behavior to cater to them."

"For example, if they can't handle the person they're dating eating meat around them, it's probably best that they only date fellow vegans. It makes little sense to date an omnivore and expect them to change their diet when they're around you."

"I suppose there would have been no harm in him asking beforehand if you'd please consider choosing a vegan option at dinner, but you'd have been free to say no and he'd have had to respect that."

"It was absolutely not right of him to just expect you to not order meat without asking you first, then not saying anything when you place your order, and then only later accuse you of being disrespectful and tactless."

"I wouldn't date this guy anymore if I were you. First and foremost his communication and conflict resolution skills are poor."

"But secondly, if he can't handle you eating animal products on your first date, then how is he going to feel if you end up living together? He'd probably expect you to keep a fully vegan household and that's obviously not something you want to do, so you're not a good match." ~ BeatificBanana

People can choose to follow a specific diet but can't force others to.

And trying to is more disrespectful than someone not conforming to their pressure.