To help or not to help.
Sometimes, with family, the answer isn’t an obvious yes. A good rule to follow in all relationships is never to accept behavior from friends or family that you wouldn’t accept from a stranger.
A brother who tried to help his younger sibling out of a mess of his own making turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Superb-Razzmatazz-49 asked:
“AITA for kicking my brother and his girlfriend out after they disrespected my house rules and constantly caused drama with my son’s mother?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“Alright, y’all, I need some outside perspective because my family’s making me feel like the bad guy. I (30, male) moved into a new place a few months back.”
“It’s nothing fancy, but it’s a good, stable spot for me and my 6-year-old son.
“Around that time, my younger brother Tyrell (24, male) and his girlfriend Amber (22, female) got evicted—definitely because they didn’t respect their landlord—and asked if they could crash with me for a while.”
“I didn’t really want to, but they had nowhere else, and I figured it’d just be temporary. I already knew why they got evicted and still helped them, but never again.”
“At first, it was fine.”
“But after about a month, they started getting way too comfortable. Ignoring house rules I set—like no random people over when I’m not home, no smoking in the house, and being respectful when my son is there.”
“Instead? They had people in and out while I was at work, left the place trashed, blasted music while my son was sleeping, and I caught Amber smoking in the bathroom twice.”
“The biggest issue, though, was how they disrespected my son’s mother. Now, me and my baby moms aren’t together, but we’re cool.”
“She picks up our son on weekends and sometimes drops him off at the house.”
“Well, Amber took it upon herself to start making little slick comments whenever my son’s mom came by. Petty, unnecessary stuff like, ‘Oh, you actually showed up this time’ or ‘Didn’t know you still cared’.”
“My son’s mom kept it classy, but she told me it made her uncomfortable, and I agreed it was out of pocket.”
“I confronted them about everything and Tyrell tried to downplay it like, ‘She was just joking’ and told me to stop being sensitive. That was the last straw for me.”
“I gave them 30 days to find somewhere else.”
“Of course, now I’m the bad guy.”
“My mom’s blowing up my phone saying ‘family sticks together’ and ‘they just need guidance’. Amber’s been posting subliminals on Facebook about ‘fake people who pretend to help you then turn their back’.”
“I try to tell him about Amber, but he so far up her alley he can’t see straight, but it ain’t my problem anymore. I hate to say it, but his consequences are going lead him to jail or death if he doesn’t fix it—he’s burning every bridge he has right now.”
“I would never disrespect my mother, but I most definitely asked her why she didn’t offer them a place to stay if you knew they were homeless and we are so-called ‘family.’ She don’t even wanna deal with them, that’s why she’s blowing up my phone.”
“My mother never steps up when it’s time to help him because she already knows. She just gets mad at us for not helping him. She would rather complain about ‘family’ helping than taking him in.”
“But I don’t care. My house, my rules. I’m raising a son and I’m not about to let two grown adults bring chaos into my home.”
“They never had a key to begin with—my door has codes on it, so I just change the codes. I gave them an inch. They took a mile, and I’ll never do that again.”
“I tried to help them, and the crazy thing is, everybody is saying this and that about me but won’t take them in themselves. All they had to do was be respectful of what I asked from them from the beginning when I decided to let them move in.”
“So Reddit… AITA for kicking them out after they disrespected my house, my rules, and my son’s mother?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“The action I took was kicking them out of my house for not respecting my house rules, especially with my son living there.”
“And that is what makes me an a**hole to others, because I knew they would be homeless again, but that isn’t my problem anymore.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA—and good for you for standing on business! Anyone who is giving you a hard time about your boundaries can open their doors to them.”
“Amber saying anything to your ex feels childish on her part and speaks volumes about how she would treat your brother in the same situation. He should be aware.”
“And your brother co-signing on her nonsense is crazy. Nothing that you said should be ignored, it’s the perfect storm of give an inch, people will take a mile.” ~ Sure_Huckleberry1418
“I have a feeling Mom knows Tyrell for his works. She is done helping him and wants OP to be next in line. If Tyrell is such a mess that she can’t even stand helping him anymore, it’s time for him to face the consequences of his actions.” ~ Accomplished_Two1611
“Your mom is family, right? And who better to provide guidance than the mother of one of the problems? Why doesn’t she offer them a home?” ~ bythebrook88
“Mom raised Tyrell. Classic case of ‘Not In My Back Yard’, only willing to advocate for something when she doesn’t want any skin in the game. You’re protecting your son and showing respect to his mother as a co-parent, that’s the right thing to do.” ~ lemon_charlie
“Your brother & his girlfriend are showing no respect for you, your son, your home, or your son’s mother.”
“The ‘only joking’ garbage is ALWAYS ridiculous.”
“Tell anyone giving you a hard time that they’re welcome to take the two of them into their home.”
“You are absolutely NTA—and 30 days’ notice was generous.” ~ wesmorgan1
“NTA. The family is likely overreacting because they’ll have to step up next, and it’s easier for them if they stay there. Any of these offenses would be a good reason to kick them out, or simply the fact you didn’t want them living with you in the first place.”
“You stepped to help them and they disrespected every aspect of the help. Consequences, actions, etc…”
“Do not let anyone tell you you’re wrong. Your home, your peace. Keep the feelings out of it (that will make it less messy in the end) and stand firm for 30 days, and they’re out. Don’t explain yourself further. They heard you.” ~ November-8485
“NTA. I’d send them to your mom’s house since she wants to get involved. Tell them to gtfo immediately and go to her house.”
“One month to find another place is generous after their behavior. They’re not teenagers, these are grown people. They can figure it out, but never will if you enable them.”
“You can’t help anyone who doesn’t want to help themselves. My parents did this runaround game with my brother multiple times, with different baby mommas and kids in tow.”
“They acted just like your brother and his girlfriend. They took a mile if my parent’s gave an inch.” ~ Pristine-Local-8176
“I don’t think you crossed the line. As a father, it sounds like you are focused on the right thing. Having a stable home and setting up a good environment for your son.”
“Your brother and his partner are grown adults. Not your responsibility.”
“I think you did your part by giving them the opportunity. They unfortunately took advantage and now have to learn a hard lesson.”
“If you continue to give, some people will unfortunately continue to take. As mentioned, your number one responsibility is to make sure your kiddo is being raised with a solid environment and looks like you handled it! Good on you.” ~ thebullandhotwife
“Family sticks together alright, and your number one family responsibility is now your son—not your grown-up brother and his messy relationship. 100% agree that you don’t want your son growing up with a pair of partiers who are trying to stir up drama between his parents.”
“If your Mom wants to continue to parent this guy, she’s welcome to—but you have a higher parenting priority right now. NTA.” ~ capmanor1755
“NTA. They sound like trash people, no offense. Don’t let them bring chaos into your home, your son’s safe place.”
“They’ve been disrespectful and awful, and the next family member that tells you ‘insert BS excuses here,’ tell them you’re so glad they’ve reached out to help and you’ll be dropping your brother and his girlfriend at their place in an hour.”
“They care so much, I’m sure they’ll be willing to offer them a home now that they’ve trampled all over your good will.” ~ Sinacias
As many pointed out, anyone criticizing the OP for protecting his son is welcome to invite his brother and the girlfriend into their home.
If they won’t do it, then why should the OP?