A final wedding guest list can be a challenging reality for both the couple getting married, as well as their nearest and dearest.
While many couples wish they could include everyone, spatial capacity and money simply don't make that possible.
While most people understand that not being invited to a wedding isn't exactly a reflection of their friendship, it's still hard not to be a little disappointed, or even hurt.
Some take it more personally than others, however, sometimes with justification.
The stepsister of Redditor SoggyBreak575 recently got married.
While the original poster (OP) was invited to the wedding, someone close to them was not.
A decision the OP's stepsister initially claimed was owing to space, which the OP discovered to be a lie.
Leading the OP to re-evaluate their own guest list for their upcoming wedding.
Wondering if they were being too petty, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH for not inviting my stepsister’s husband to my wedding?"
The OP explained why they didn't plan on inviting their stepsister's husband to their wedding:
"So my fiancee (23 F[emale]), let’s call her Michelle, and I are at a stand still."
"My younger stepsister (25 F[emale], let’s call her Niki) had her wedding back in February of this year."
"Michelle and I have been together for about 2 years and our wedding is in September."
"While I was invited, Michelle was not."
"I had texted her a few weeks before her wedding asking about a plus one, to which she said no."
"We both understood as maybe the venue was too small or the cost was too much, both of which we found out at the wedding, was not true."
"We thought for a while that she was the only other half not invited."
"We later learned at the wedding that Niki had done this to other couples. She invited her one godparent, and not the other and she did this to a number of couples, all who she knew. She invited one, not the other and as a result, a lot of people no-showed.
This is where we’re unsure now."
"Niki is still my little sister and I have helped her through hell (we both had traumatizing childhoods and are children of nasty divorces) and I would do anything for her."
"Her mom and my dad got married back in 2009, and I have known Niki since 2008."
"I watched her grow up."
"This was a massive blow to me."
"After everything I had done for her, it felt like she turned her back on me and my younger sister (23 F[emale] bio sister)."
"Not only did I never receive an invite (she mailed them, and me and my younger sister never got one) until my dad reached out to her, but she also picked a toxic ex-roommate for her bridal party over her siblings (this includes my younger bio brother, 21 M[ale])."
"She had only included her bio sister (23 F[emale]), her bio sister’s best friend, and her husband’s two sisters."
"I learned afterwards that the toxic ex-roommate was kicked MONTHS beforehand."
"It did seem a little bit of a punch in the gut to not be included."
"At the wedding, my step-grandpa/Niki’s bio grandpa (let’s call him Todd), (who officiated the wedding) had asked where Michelle was and when I told him she had NOT been invited, he got very upset."
"He has met Michelle before and loves her."
"He also sees all us grandkids as equals and actually will be officiating my own wedding!"
"Todd said he had no idea and that if he had been told, he would have made sure Michelle was there."
"I learned after the wedding that Todd had paid for the wedding."
"So money was not an issue."
"My dad and stepmom both were equally pissed at the treatment given to couples, as my step sister’s godparents had a major role in getting Niki’s family to safety during the divorce."
"Cousins were also split up, some invited the other half wasn’t, it was a whole show."
"And yes, the venue had the room."
"My dad and step mom both agree, her husband shouldn’t be invited to my wedding, period."
"I love my stepsister but I am deeply hurt by the treatment and I am unsure what to do."
"Michelle doesn’t want her husband there either."
"I don’t want to cause drama and tear my family apart but everyone is in agreement to not invite him."
"AITAH for not inviting her husband?"
Fellow Reddtors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for refusing to invite Niki's husband to their wedding.
Not only did pretty much everyone agree that the OP shouldn't invite NIki's husband to the wedding, but also agreed they shouldn't invite her husband either:
"Honestly, I wouldn’t invite Niki or her spouse."
"NTA."- Pure-Philosopher-175
"NTA."
"But don’t stop with leaving Niki’s husband off the guest list."
"Why are you still inviting Niki?"
"You’re willing to let her disrespect your future wife with no consequences?"
"Why?"
"She doesn’t seem to love or respect any of you."- Remarkable_Sea_1062
"NTA."
"I’d leave her off the invite list as well since she clearly doesn’t care about family."- Canuckistanian71
"NTA."
"If I was you I probably wouldn’t invite her until I talk to her and figure out what had happened."
"If this was something out of character for her then maybe she was being pressured by a 3rd party."- deadlywaffle139
"NTA do NOT invite stepsister's husband, Your future wife doesn't want him there, do not go against her wishes by having him there, plus no one else thinks he should be there, if stepsister says something you tell her you are just inviting people who matter to you guys or tell her you are reciprocating the same invite you got to her wedding."- blonde1psp
"NTA."
"You get to decide who you want to be at your wedding (just like her wedding was her decision)."
"Just realize this might cause her to go NC with you."
"But it seems like she's wanting to do that with a lot of family based on how she treated everyone at her wedding."- giggly_dumplin
"NTA."
"She set the precedent."
"Honestly wouldn’t be the AH even if you didn’t invite her at all."- VariegatedPlumage
"NTA she started this weird thing about not invited SOs."
"TBH I wouldn't even invite Niki at this point."- pherber12
"NTA."
"But, having said that, as I read the situation, you think your stepsis behaved badly by half-inviting couples the way she did."
"So is your response really to behave the same way, out of spite or revenge or some sense of eye-for-an-eye justice or something?"
"Do you really want to model your behavior on hers?"
"My own impulse would be to rise above it."
"It's a complicated situation, so forgive me if I've missed something."
"My one concern is this: 'Michelle doesn't want her husband there either'."
"Let's stop right there."
"I think wedding guests should definitely be a Yes-Yes decision."
"You both get vetoes."
"So no stepsister's husband unless Michelle has a change of heart—and since she is the one stiffed by your stepsister, I couldn't blame her in the least for saying 'Hell no'."
"There is the option of not inviting her or her husband."
"Perfectly OK after her treatment of Michelle."
"In a way, it seems better than following her example."- ReadMeDrMemory
"Have you asked her to explain her decisions?"
"I can't imagine she has a reasonable explanation, but maybe she does."
"If she doesn't, then NTA for not inviting her husband (and depending on her explanation, I would reconsider inviting her)."- Effective-Dog-6201
"I mean, objectively, NTA because you are literally doing what she has done to you."
"Buuuutttt do you really want to dictate your event, your special day on her rudeness?"
"If you like her husband, invite him."
"Don't split them up to get revenge."
"You saw the family division that Niki's rudeness caused, so why would you want that for your own day?"
"At the same time, if your future wife isn't on board, then it's a done deal and he's not invited."
"I would just have a conversation about it all first."
"I would also create some distance from Niki going forward. Unless she apologizes, she has shown herself to be pretty."
"Inconsiderate and I wouldn't go out of my way to be around that."- drharleenquinzel92
There were some, however, who felt the OP would be the a**hole if they caved and invited Niki
"YTA for inviting Niki at all."
"I’m not hearing anything about the husband being the driver for the people who were not given a plus one."
"I’d invite him and leave Niki cooling her heels at home."- Firm_Ad3062
It's generally understood that all weddings have space limits.
However, when someone pointedly excludes people from a wedding in a way that everyone will notice, there are bound to be consequences.
As it seems Niki is about to find out...
