Blended families are still families. But, they just take a little more work to bond and form.
But, at the end of the day it is worth seeing your family grow and having people to share the special moments with. For example, your wedding.
A Redditor encountered this very issue with their stepsister. So they turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
AITA for having my wedding on the same date as my stepsister’s?
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I have a stepsister ‘Claire’ who I really haven’t seen since she left for college at 18. I see her at the occasional holiday dinner, but we have zero relationship.”
“Honestly I can’t stand her and just everything about her personality is ugh to me.”
“My mom married Clarie’s dad when I was 13 and she was 14, and Claire made it very clear she wasn’t interested in being a family.”
“She was very stand-offish (she had experienced some serious abuse at her mom’s house) and she was kind of mean. She mostly kept to herself but made it clear she thought she was better than us.”
“We had a couple vicious fights but I don’t really have bad feelings towards her at this point, I just don’t like her.”
“Claire got engaged a few months before me and set the date for September 2022. I’m not invited which is expected.”
“When I got engaged, I immediately knew where I wanted to hold my wedding and the closest date I could get to what I wanted was Clarie’s date.”
OP didn’t think too much about it.
“I figured it would be fine.”
“We have no extended family, no mutual friends. My mom could go to mine and her dad could go to hers (neither of us is close to the other’s parent) I picked the date because I didn’t want a winter wedding and the other ones were too close to December.”
“When I told my mom she flipped out and said I am humiliating her by making her come without her husband, and this is the equivalent of not letting her have a plus one.”
“She said my dad will be there with his wife and she will look like a loser who can’t get a man (umm everyone knows she is married).”
“She said the wedding won’t be fun for her without her husband, and how could I be so selfish. She is also annoyed that my stepdad will be at Claire’s wedding without her, with his ex there.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was the a**hole.
“This was an AH move. Since you are getting married, you should know that people like to celebrate these kinds of events with their spouse. You are putting your mother and step-father in a difficult position. On purpose.”
“YTA. Move your wedding.” ~ Lulu_531
“Yup. YTA, OP, were you so jealous that you had to plan your wedding for the same day? This is pretty cringe. Yikes.” ~ Khanover7
“Even if this isn’t the truth, EVERYONE will believe it to be regardless of what you say. Do you really want your wedding tainted by all of the guests thinking that you’re actively being petty against your step family?” ~ dw755
“Sorry, it IS the case. The first thought of any rational person is ‘oh, my stepsister has having her wedding that day, I’ll pick a different day.’ There’s literally no acceptable reason to have it the same day, even if the venue isn’t available ever again.” ~ aussie_nub
“This! If she hadn’t known Claire’s date it would be different, but booking it knowing full well that it was Claire’s wedding date is the ultimate dick move. “
“And yes, everyone might knowww that your mum is married, but that’s going to make them ask why her husband isn’t there. And when your guests fins out you deliberately sabotaged your step sisters wedding date, they’ll think you’re a dick too. YTA” ~ DaburaDemonQueen2
OP is ruining their own wedding by doing this.
“Also can you imagine ‘my stepsister who was viciously abused at her mothers house was kind of cool towards me when we were teens so I’ve continued to hate her’ like wtf? I don’t think Claire was the mean one….” ~ Claws_and_chains
“And if OP doesn’t want a winter wedding she should put it after the winter.” ~ Expensive-Bee5482
“Agreed. YTA and you know it. Don’t look too us to say you did the right thing because you didn’t.” ~ MadScientistCoder
“Yep, AH! Why the rush to get married?” ~ EyeJustLikeToWatchTo
“YTA. You knew it was the date and picked it anyway. And it is completely unreasonable for you to split up your parents on that day.”
“She was first YTA.” ~ wise-ish
“If I was that mother I would go to my stepdaughter’s wedding with my spouse. OP picked the date on purpose negates she knew her stepsister was getting married that day out of pettiness for not being invited, I don’t care what excuse she tells herself.” ~ noblestromana
OP’s mom was also TAH.
“The mother is already worried about people gossiping about her being there without her spouse. There’s no way she’s not going to show up and have her ex and his wife gossiping even more.”
“To be honest, the mother sounds just as bad as OP. She’s not worried about how this will affect Claire or her husband, she’s just worried that it makes her look bad. Empathy doesn’t seem to be a strong suit with either of them.” ~ PaddyCow
“Yea I’m surprised almost no one commented on the mom’s reaction. Her only concern being how she’ll appear to others just shows how responsible her and her husband are for the girls’ relationship. The mom isn’t concerned about OP’s step sister at all, and OP doesn’t care about her either. It honestly looks like they only care about themselves and their own relationship, not even their family.” ~ totallynotsockz
“Op says her mom remarried when she was 13 and Claire was 14. The step sisters never bonded and don’t invite each other to their weddings, and I wonder what ‘missing reasons’ we don’t have here.”
“Let’s say the girls are getting married in their 20’s. That’s ten years where the blended family didn’t blend and neither of the step sisters has a relationship with their step parent to the point op thinks it’s ok for each bio parents to go to their child’s wedding, on the same day, and there would be no fallout?????”
“This is a cluster f*ck.” ~ PaddyCow
A little empathy would go a long way.