Sometimes the people everyone's siblings choose to marry aren't popular.
Maybe they try too hard, maybe they don't try at all.
This can cause a lot of friction in family ties.
But sometimes certain behaviors have to be called out.
Redditor u/emfayea found herself in a dilemma regarding her wedding preparations and her new S[sister]-I[n]-L[aw], so she turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Like AITA, the AITAH subreddit lets posters ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
She asked:
"AITAH for not inviting my brothers fiancee to my bachelorette trip?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"Hi all."
"My brother got engaged in June to his fiancée, Sarah."
"She's around our age."
"We’re friendly but aren’t close and only do small talk."
"I haven’t tried hard to be her friend, but she hasn’t either."
"In May, I planned my bachelorette trip for August."
"We have a large friend group that includes my brother, but Sarah isn’t really part of it, as neither of them has been around since they started dating."
"Half the girls in the group were invited."
"After they got engaged in June, my sister and I decided to invite Sarah since she’d soon be our sister."
"We put it on the back burner because my bridal shower was in early July."
"Sarah had been invited for months and RSVP’d yes."
"On the day of the shower, Sarah messaged one of the girls saying she was on the way, then said she wasn’t feeling well."
"I didn’t know until the girl told me, but Sarah said she’d be there by 12:30 (the shower started at 12)."
"She didn’t arrive until the shower was already over, when my brother came to help tear down."
"I said, 'Oh hey, how are you feeling? I heard you were sick!'”
"My sister then pulled us into a photo, and Sarah awkwardly laughed and walked away."
"I said 'alrighty' and got caught up saying goodbye to everyone."
"They left before I saw them go."
"Later that week, my brother asked me to walk their dog because neither of them would be home that morning."
"I agreed, walked the dog, and sat with him for about 20 minutes."
"I took a cute photo and sent it to both of them, saying he was a cutie, as you would when dog-sitting."
"I then got a barrage of texts from my brother asking why I sent the photo, saying Sarah was furious, hated people being in the house, and asking why I was there."
"I was put off because I didn’t know my visit was a secret from her."
"I’d also been in their house many times before with them."
"After this, I told my sister, and we decided not to invite Sarah because we didn’t want potential drama at the bachelorette."
"None of this communication was ever directly between Sarah and me—it was either her messaging someone else or my brother relaying things to me."
"The trip happened."
"Two weeks before my wedding, my brother and Sarah secretly got married."
"While discussing it with my brother, he told me Sarah wanted to 'beat me' to getting married because I didn’t invite her to my bachelorette and that it was common courtesy to invite her."
"I explained that we had planned to invite her, but after everything that happened, we decided not to."
"He argued with me."
"Now, a month after that conversation, my brother is saying in our 30-person chat that it’s my fault he’s not around because I didn’t invite his wife to my bachelorette."
"I finally just got mad and said, 'And she isn’t entitled to be invited, as it is my party and I can invite who I would like.'”
"He said all the girls were invited, and several girls who weren’t invited chimed in that they weren’t and were fine with it."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So, AITAH?"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
"NTAH, and from the sounds of how she acts and bosses around your brother, she probably won’t be a member of the family long anyway."
"She sounds insufferable." ~ Beer_Meetz_Girl
"The 'wanted to beat me to getting married' comment is what really makes this weird, not the bachelorette invite."
"I wouldn’t predict whether their marriage lasts, but Sarah and OP clearly weren’t close, and turning a guest-list decision into a competition is a lot."
"The brother needs to stop making OP responsible for his wife’s choices." ~ Straight_Practice876
"Can you imagine telling your children the reason you eloped was that being mommy wanted to beat auntie to the altar because she was pissed she didn’t get a bachelorette invite."
"That’s a truly great love story to tell your children and grandchildren. 🙄."
"Not that I think the SIL and brother will tell the truth."
"The truth is so embarrassing." ~ VictoryValuable9489
"NTA. Sarah sounds like a b*tch, and your brother doesn’t sound any better since it was his fault the whole dog-walking thing happened, which is what spiraled into everything else."
"Maybe she shouldn’t be at the wedding either :) " ~ crazybrokeandasian
"I miss the part where you responded to your brother saying, 'Well, you asked me to come and get your dog, and he lives in your house.'”
"Everything will be fine."
"They were just used to everybody not treating them like the as*holes that they are, and now that you did, you did everyone a favor, and good for you."
"They’re really shortchanging themselves by getting married in secret."
"Lol, talk about a backfire! And when you send a card and a nice gift, that will really hit home!"
"Whenever you stand up for something, you risk getting your head cut off or things getting worse for you; that’s what’s best in the people that are nasty to you."
"You’ll just fade out." ~ BartholomewTheSilent
"NTA. Sarah isn't friendly; she's an entitled witch who is trying to start drama."
"I'd be honest, tell your brother that she wasn't invited because what kind of psycho has to 'beat' someone to a wedding, tell him he's also being weird and competitive for no reason, and then block them."
"Do not feed their energy, because they will absolutely continue to manufacture situations where they'll feel slighted."
"If they don't show up to family events, that's on them completely."
"If they do, pretend they don't exist." ~ ExcellentCold7354
"With all my love, you have to stop falling for the bait - right now."
"This is a big deal, but not for the reasons that you think."
"This girl is abusive, and she's slowly isolating your brother from his family."
"You are the first person to be cut off over something stupid, and you will not be the last."
"The one piece of advice I can give is this: Do not engage with her tantrums."
"Don't ignore her either."
"Be saccharine sweet, and give her all the sympathy and apologies that you can."
"Never give her a single foothold to force your brother to cut you off."
"If she can find any sleight, she will use it to take everyone he loves from him."
"Tell your friends to stop engaging with this topic in the group chat or anywhere else."
"Tell them the plan."
"We love her so thoroughly that she sounds insane for making a fuss."
"We treat her like a princess."
"We never allow her a moment of unkindness to use against your brother."
"Trust me, once he's gone, he will be so hard to find."
"Adults can choose to be abused."
"They can choose to allow their children to be abused, and you will be surprised at how little you can do about it." ~ Which-Month-3907
"Where was your invite to her bachelorette and their wedding???"
"And OMG, wanting to marry before you, so doing it in secret?"
"Were your parents and sister invited to their secret wedding?"
"She sounds awful!!!"
"I wonder if you'll be invited to their divorce parties? 😆." ~ NutAl
"NTA. Sounds like Sarah is incredibly jealous of your brother's attention being on anyone but her."
"She sounds incredibly insecure."
"I wouldn't have invited her to my party either, simply because getting engaged or married doesn't entitle anyone to a close relationship with the family they just married into."
"That close relationship comes because you both put in the time and effort."
"She has not done that and now has poisoned that well forever." ~ bmw5986
"NTA. And sorry to say it, but this marriage is probably the end of the relationship between your brother and your family."
"There's a ton of unhealthy behaviors and attitudes that will make it impossible to get along with him and his wife." ~ Altruistic_Relief189
"NTA. She was the one who started with the disinterest in making the shower."
"Did she previously avoid family gatherings on your side of the family?"
"Then was upset that you dog walked/sat a week later."
"That is a she/him problem - he couldn't tell her he wasn't able to take care of the dog himself or tell he he had gotten anyone else to do it."
"It sounds like she and your brother have turned 'not invited to one event' into a competition."
"The next things will be new home, babies, etc."
"But you can easily let her win the divorce first because that is a competition you don't want to enter." ~ HCIBSW
"NTA. And you need to put some distance between you and your brother."
"His behavior is ridiculous."
"He asks you to walk the dog, then yells at you for entering his house. WTF?!" ~ Starry-Dust4444
Reddit is with you, OP.
Sarah has some issues to work through.
It was your party.
You get to dictate the guest list.
Have a great wedding.
