Far too many people rush to judgment about how parents raise their children.
Particularly, people who don’t have children of their own. As there are many different methods of parenting, it’s usually best to keep our opinions on these matters to ourselves.
Unless, of course, we witness unmistakable neglect or worse.
The brother of Redditor olivejinnflower recently went through a turbulent divorce.
As expected, the divorce took a considerable toll on his children, the original poster (OP)’s niece and nephew.
As a result, when the OP’s brother asked them to cover for him ahead of his spending a considerable amount of time away from them, the OP felt the need to put him in his place.
Worried they may have crossed a line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my brother to spend more time with his kids and less time doing things like taking his Yoga teacher to Japan?”
The OP explained why they felt compelled to put their brother’s parenting into question:
“My brother got divorced last year after having an affair with a coworker at his law firm.”
“I’m still friends with his ex, especially since she is the mother of my niece and nephew, my brother’s kids, who both mean a lot to me.”
“The affair and divorce were rather rough on everyone, as could be imagined.”
“We all live in the same area.”
“So a few days ago he tells me that he is planning to take his Yoga instructor on a trip to Japan.”
“But he is going to tell his kids that he will be on a work trip.”
“He asked me if I’d take his son to summer football practice, and of course I will.”
“I like spending time with his kids (I don’t have my own).”
“But it irked me and I told him he’s being kind if a bad dad.”
“Maybe he could spend more time with his kids over the summer rather than taking a trip with his latest fling.”
“He said that since I don’t have kids, I shouldn’t be telling him how to parent.”
“I don’t want to cause a rift between he and I, but I also think it’s okay to push back a bit when I think he us being too selfish?”
“Especially since he is asking me to cover for him.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for confronting their brother.
Everyone agreed that the OP told their brother exactly what he needed to hear, as he was clearly not making any effort in being an active or present father:
“NTA.’
“‘Don’t tell me how to parent my kids’ but also ‘parent my kids while I take a vacation’?”-Common_Tiger1526
“NTA.”
“Your brother is never going to be a good person.”
“Continue to be there for his kids.”
“He will figure out his mistake when he’s one less person at their weddings and they’re one less person at his funeral.”- Merrik4t
“NTA.”
“I had the same issue with my brother, and I just refused to watch his kid and told him he only has his son 2 weekends a month, and he is old enough to plan around that and spend time with his son.”
“Never had an issue again and that was that.”
“Also f*cked up of him to lie to his children.”
“They are going through enough, he should really be trying to win back their trust and earning their forgiveness for blowing up the family.”- OriginalSchmidt1
“NTA.”
“If your brother is going to ask you for favors, he can put up with a little feedback.”
“He was a cheater, and now he’s being a liar.”
“His kids deserve to be treated better.”- RoyallyOakie
“NTA.”
“But your brother doesn’t want to keep this a secret from his kids.”
“He wants to keep it a secret from his ex, likely because he fought for 50/50 but now that the ink is dry on child support, the ex is picking up his slack.”- Treehousehunter
“NTA.” Imagine if his ex finds out he dipped during his time to take a woman to Japan.”
“And lied to the kids about it.”
“It’s not a good look.”- OutrageousSoup2584
“NTA.”
“But I’d be clear just cause he’s a liar, you won’t be so if asked, you’re not covering for him and will tell the full truth.”
“So if the kids ask about the business trip, you will tell them the truth, he will then have to face being a liar to his kids.”
“Also while I would never tell someone how to parent a child, as I’m not a parent mysel,f I would point out he’s not actually parenting, he’s ditchin,g so that’s a big difference.”- goddessofspite
“NTA.”
“I couldn’t imagine leaving my kids for 12 days, doubly so if they didn’t live with me!”
“He does need a wake up call, don’t listen to all the emotionally damaged commentators here.”
“He’s your brother, and if you can’t give him a wake-up call, what kind of sibling would you be!”-paddlingtipsy
“NTA.”
“But I hate siblings who don’t check their family members.”- Careless_Welder_4048
“So your brother sucks, that is obvious.”
“Probably sucks enough to not let you spend time with his kids if you make too big a stink.”
“Seems like the type of person who would punish you by punishing them.”
“The part that bothers me is you agreeing to cover for him.”
“I think this is the part that makes you complicit in his shitty parenting, by enabling it so easily for him.”
“Do you often bend to his will?”
“He seems incredibly manipulative. In this instance, he is manipulating you AND the kids.”
“They’re gonna think he’s a great dad and that it’s okay to leave your kids if it’s for work.”
“Yikes.”
“When we let a**holes dictate our actions, we also kinda become a**holes.”
“You need to stand up for yourself, and if he takes it out on the kids, just be on stand-by in case they come to you of their own volition.”
“Call you or whatever.”
“You’re stuck between a rock and a hard place here; either way, the kids get hurt.”
“Because of him, not you.”
“To answer your question, NTA for saying something, but now you need to work on setting clear boundaries with him.”
“Like you won’t be covering for him anymore.”- symbionica
“NTA.”
“You can’t really make a man act right.”- MightyVelniyah
“What a liar he is.”
“Tell him the chickens have come home to roost and you won’t lie for him anymore.”
“NTA.”- Snoo-37855
“NTA.”
“Your brother is not just being neglectful, he’s lying to his kids.”
“Now he’s asking you to lie to his kids.”
“He’s already shown he is disloyal and a cheater.”
“He’s not a good person.”
“If you say nothing, that’s tacit approval of his behavior.”- hopelesscaribou
“NTA.”
“You get to comment on his parenting if he needs you to pick up his slack in his absence.”
“It’s not a crime to take trips without your kids, as a parent, but if this is his common thing, if making someone other than his kids his priority, then you have every right to be concerned.”- AdGreedy8386
“NTA.”
“You’re expressing your opinion to your brother.”
“But don’t go stirring up trouble intentionally.”
“I’m assuming the ex knows he’s on a trip and they’ve readjusted their custody time accordingly.”
“Or are the kids staying with you during his time and you’re supposed to not tell anyone the kids aren’t with dad?”
“Is he asking you to lie for him?”- Low_Age4229
“NTA.”
“You can give your unsolicited advice on his behavior.”
“He’s heard you, and he will either take the advice or not, and it sounds like he won’t.”
“A rift will only form if you keep bringing it up without being asked about it.”- Affectionate-Leg2662
“NTA.’
“‘He said that since I don’t have kids, I shouldn’t be telling him how to parent’.”
“He doesn’t parent, though, when he shifts his time with his children onto other people to fly to Japan and F*ck Around there.”
“Children aren’t stupid.”
“They notice when one parent cares more about other people than them.”
“So there will be a Finding Out part too one day.”- agnesperditanitt
“NTA.”
“I’d tell him I’d take him to football practice, but will not lie for him.”- Torple_Lemon
No one wants to be told that they’re a “bad parent”.
Sadly, most of the time, people don’t realize that they are, indeed, bad parents until they’ve been told.
And even if the OP isn’t a parent themself, they seem to take a more active part in their niece and nephew’s life than their brother does.
Making it more than fair to put their brother in his place.