We all have things which have sentimental value to us.
In some cases, these things might actually be worth a considerable amount of money.
But more often than not, they'll likely have little to no monetary value, and we hold onto them for them memories they preserve.
When Redditor AdNO3535435 found out his fiancée sold something belonging to him containing great sentimental value, he was less than pleased.
But concerned he may have overreacted, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), asking fellow Redditors:
"AITA? I flipped out on my fiancèe for selling the gaming chair my brother gifted me to pay for her gym membership."
The OP first shared with readers a loss he recently suffered, and precious memento which was left to him.
"I (m[ale] 33) lost my 27-year-old brother to cancer a couple of months ago."
"We were so close and had a lot in common."
"He was a gamer and had all types of gaming gear including a gaming chair that he wanted me to have before he died."
"It's devastating because we were really hoping and had plans to spend Christmas 2021 together."
"This chair I consider special because it was my brother's favorite of all gear and it reminds me of him whenever I sit in it (I don't play anymore)."
"It just brings me closer to him to a degree I can not explain and it brings me so much comfort."
The OP then revealed how his fiancé had recently been struggling financially, but seemed to find a solution to her problems, by sneaking behind his back.
"I keep the chair in my office and days ago I found out that my fiancée who has been out of job and complaining about no longer being able to attend the gym took the chair and sold it online to be able to pay for her next month's gym membership."
"When I found out I flipped out hugely and had a very negative reaction."
"She told me that she was desperate for money and after selling all she had she had no choice but to sell the chair."
"I reminded her of who this chair belongs to but she said I already have tons of keepsakes from my brother and so I shouldn't act like it was the end of the world."
"She also vented about her past eating disorders and her anxiety when it comes to keeping fit and claimed I was dismissing that she is struggling."
"I yelled at her and called her inconsiderate and selfish and told her she should have never ever took and sold any of my stuff for a gym membership when she literally could have kept working out from home."
"She started crying as we argued then she went to stay with her mom who tried to give me a stern talk about my attitude and but I didn't answer that and haven't been talking to my fiancée since then."
"Things haven't got better and I got called overdramatic for reacting and treating my fiancée like that over a gaming chair."
"I feel guilty because I've never yelled at her in my life before."
"AITA?"
"Was I too hard on her?"
"Some said I went overboard because this is a gaming chair and it was bit childish of me to make a fuss over it but I already explained why I had this reaction aside from the fact that money is an issue we already have."
The OP was open about the guilt this whole experience had caused him, and how his fiancée tried to express how she would have reacted if the roles were reversed.
B"ecause I feel like I should add more of her side to the conflict: she told me if say I was struggling and needed money and sold some item she had then she wouldn't be mad at me."
"I'm not sure, since I'd never do such thing, but still she insisted that no matter what I do she'll always be supportive and understanding just like I should be supportive and understanding of her struggle right now."
"That made me feel horrible because she had a breakdown and cried because of me."
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situtaion by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Redditors were firmly in agreement that the OP was not at all the a**hole, and had every right to be furious that his fiancée sold the chair without consulting with him first.
Some felt the OP should put his fiancée's claim that she would support his doing the same thing with something of hers, and see how she really felt.
"NTA."
"Sell the engagement ring you bought her and buy back your brothers gaming chair."
"Proceed based on her reaction to that."- JammerGSONC
Some Redditors even pointed out that as the chair did not technically belong to the OP's fiancée, the chair was technically stolen property and thus was still rightfully his.
"NTA Call the person who brought the chair and tell him that he's brought stolen property."
"If your fiancée still refuses to do anything about getting it back then you may need to report it to the police as stolen and get it returned to you that way."
"Your fiancée? knew exactly what she was doing and has shown that she doesn't care about your property, the meaning behind the gift of it, and who it belonged to."
"Your fiancées old enough to know that her actions can have consequences and she can now face them and too bad if her consequences are of the legal kind due to her theft."- G8RTOAD.
Other's felt that the way his fiancée behaved was telling of who she really was as a person, and the OP should seriously reconsider his relationship.
"Run bro."
"You need to get out of there."
"Your girl is a narcissist and disregards your thoughts and feelings."
"A gym membership??"
"Really?"
"Only way that would fly with me would be if she sold it for insulin or some other life maintaining medication."
"NTA."- snakepeterman.
"Nta."
"I know you're probably still grieving your loss, but she has some serious issues."
"Lack of respect for your stuff and from what you provided even tried to gaslight you into thinking you're over reacting."
"If it is not too late, call it off imho."- TGiR4.
"NTA! "
"The chair was obviously super meaningful to you and for her to just sell it without your permission?"
"Not okay! "
"Also not sure where you live or any other factors that could explain why she's not working, but where I'm living EVERYWHERE is hiring."
"Literally everywhere."
"The fact that she took it to sell for a gym membership is out of control."
"I would have some serious reservations about marrying her if this is how she handles money."-sharpeea.
The numerous comments urging him to call off the wedding led the OP to clarify that it wasn't only financial issues his fiancée suffers from.
"Thing is she has mental issues that she blames on me sometimes saying I'm not being supportive and understanding just because I point out what she does wrong and don't let things slide like she expects me to."
"Of all things I have that belong to my brother, this chair is my favorite and she knew that but claimed it was just there in my office and denied that I even sit on it."
"The work issue and her inability to work is lack of commitment due to mental health issues."
This is a very sad and serious situation for everyone involved.
It would be in the best interest of the OP and his fiancée to have several, serious discussions before their wedding, as there is clearly a lot that needs to be talked about.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.