When one is dealing with a ‘foodie,’ and the discussion comes to food, it can often be easier just to go blank and nod when they speak.
They are very particular people.
Now they often have a gift for the best ways to eat, so they are useful.
But when a foodie and a non-foodie co-mingle… things can be a bit stressful.
Case in point…
Redditor Minaowl wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not making coffee how my fiancée wants me to?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Weird title, I (23 F[emale]) know, but this has been a point of contention for a while.”
“My fiancée (25 M[ale]) is a foodie and is extremely particular about a few things, one of them being coffee.”
“We use a manual grinder, get distilled water, the water in our area is really hard and according to him affects the taste, but I don’t notice anything.”
“And we have an Aeropress and a metal coffee filter to make the coffee.”
“I’m very much not a foodie (unless being a Sour Patch Kids connoisseur is a thing).”
“My fiancée weighs his coffee beans to make sure that he’s using the exact right amount, changes the setting on the coffee grinder depending on whether he’s using the Aeropress or the metal coffee filter, measures the water, and if he’s using the Aeropress lets the coffee grounds and water brew for a certain amount of time before actually making the coffee.”
“On the other hand, I use a scoop to measure my coffee beans, use whatever setting the grinder is on, will usually just use tap water, eyeball the water instead of measuring it, and don’t let it sit to brew.”
“And y’know what? It’s fine.”
“It tastes fine.”
“It makes me happy. The end.”
“Thank you for coming to my TedTalk.”
“Problem is that this really bothers my fiancée.”
“We’ve had multiple arguments about me making my coffee wrong.”
“And it’s very normal for him to badger me while I weigh my coffee beans or switch the coffee grinder to the optimal setting while I’m making my coffee.”
“If I’m making coffee for him, sure, I’ll measure the beans and all of that jazz because I know that he can taste the difference.”
“But I don’t think that I should have to jump through all of those hoops for something that doesn’t affect him.”
“On the other hand, he seems to be really bothered by this.”
“Today, as I was trying to scoop coffee beans into the grinder, he reached around me to put the scale he uses in front of me and asked me to please weigh my coffee beans.”
“I was really frustrated because we’ve had this conversation so many times, so I snapped the word ‘no’ at him.”
“And he walked away and muttered ‘you, too,’ saying that even though I hadn’t said it, I’d definitely been thinking ‘f**k you.'”
“For the record, I wasn’t thinking that.”
“So AITA for not making coffee how my fiancée thinks I should and for sometimes snapping at him when he gets pushy about it?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Why should he care how YOU make YOUR coffee.”
“He needs to distance himself from things that don’t affect him.”
“Honestly, it would be like you telling him to stop weighing his coffee or using distilled water because since you can’t tell the difference, it bothers you that he can.”
“Would he think that was reasonable?”
“EDIT: If his counterargument is ‘but my way is right’ he’s wrong.”
“His way is how HE likes it, there is no objectively right way to do it.”
“Alton Brown would tell you using distilled water is madness, spring water would be better.” ~ Amelia_the_Mouse
“My S[ignificant] O[ther] hates that I use a single tea bag for a whole pot of tea.”
“He thinks it needs at least 3, per the instructions.”
“I just don’t like it that way.”
“You know what he does?”
“He doesn’t drink that tea… he just makes his own.”
“It’s literally that easy to not care. NTA.” ~ REDDIT
“My husband is like OP’s fiancée with the coffee.”
“He measures the beans, he uses a timer to check something I have no idea what, and uses a special grinder.”
“He offers to make me coffee whenever because he knows he can do it better than my toss it all in method.”
“But is perfectly happy laughing at my coffee misadventures when it doesn’t work out with my coffee method.”
“There is a serious control issue if you can’t let your partner do something unless they do it your way.” ~ begoniann
“I wish OP’s partner knew me, he’d HATE me.”
“When I’m feeling lazy I just drop a spoon of ground coffee in a mug and pour hot water on top of it.”
“Then wait for the coffee to drop to the bottom and drink it like that (with milk and sugar).”
“I bet he’d get a fight or flight response or faint.”
“Weak baby. NTA.” ~ soursheep
“NTA. I’d run for the hills.”
“I couldn’t spend the rest of my life listening to that sh*t.” ~ 4thxtofollowtherules
“I am 100% on team fiancé about MY OWN coffee, but I could not begin to complain about how anyone else makes their coffee, including the people in this house.”
“Is he controlling about anything else OP?”
“Might be red flag time. NTA.” ~ wildeflowers
“NTA. And as a certified coffee snob, I can add that distilled water is terrible for coffee.”
“You want some mineral content in water to get the best coffee flavor!” ~ ms_sinn
OP came back with some info…
“I don’t know if it’s actually distilled or if that was the wrong word.”
“The water in this area is so hard that there are things outside of grocery stores where you can get good water.”
“I don’t know if this is pure distilled water, less hard, or has some mineral content.”
They also added…
“I don’t know if this is important, but I drink decaf, and he drinks regular.”
“So I’m never making coffee for both of us.”
“I’m either making coffee for him, or I’m making coffee for myself.”
“I sat him down and told him that I needed him to never comment on how I make my coffee and how I was making it.”
“He repeated it back to me in his own words to check that he understood me (a counselor once told me that this is helpful to do in an argument), and then he agreed.”
“Google an Aeropress because I don’t feel like explaining it.”
“Basically you push on a phallic symbol until you have coffee.”
“Putting hard water through it does not damage it.”
“As much as my fiancée drives me crazy, I would never do something to damage his equipment because it’s important to him.”
Reddit continued…
“I mean he says he’s a coffee snob yet he drinks filtered coffee. Ew.”
“NTA, and I say that as someone who has an espresso machine, a dedicate grinder, and a shortlist of acceptable blends and single-variety beans that I’ll use.”
“Double shot, no added water, no milk.”
“I would not lecture others (unless, like your boyfriend, they’re idiots about this) on how they prefer their coffee.” ~ Swerfbegone
“NTA. Why does he care what you do with your coffee?”
“This was exhausting just to read let alone have to deal with every day.”
“The ‘you, too’ because he claims you were thinking ‘f**k you’ was also uncalled for.”
“He sounds like a passive-aggressive control freak.” ~ SomeLilPunkinaRocket
“NTA, I thought it was going to be you deliberately not making his coffee the way he likes it.”
“People who are so controlling that they can’t even let another person have their own drink the way they like it are… questionable at best.” ~ doodles2019
“NTA. You’re making yourself coffee, not coffee for him.”
“He’s certainly welcome to be a foodie, but unless you were making it to share specifically, he needs to stop.”
“My roommate (basically my platonic partner) dislikes onions and peppers.”
“If I make myself a dish, he would never dream of asking me to avoid cooking with them, even though he’s not a huge fan of the smells either.”
“He will just make himself something WITHOUT peppers and onions.”
“If you were making coffee specifically for you, he needs to back off.”
“Talk to him about boundaries regarding this.” ~ AlleyKatArt
“NTA. The only ‘wrong’ way to make any type of food or beverage is if it makes someone sick (ie, undercooked chicken).”
“How you make your coffee has zero impact on his life, and he needs to get over it.”
“I’d just simply ignore him in the future.”
“And if he does something physical like move the scale or try to take over, just drop everything and walk out.”
“I wouldn’t be down for this many steps in my coffee, and would be livid if my partner tried to police how I make my food.” ~ mfruitfly
“NTA. I’m a coffee scale and burr grinder, multiple coffee brewing method person.”
“My spouse, even more so. If you’re making coffee for yourself, then you make it your way.”
“If he wants to have it done his way, then he should do it.”
“If you two compromise on coffee blends and equipment, then you’ll be able to come to an agreement.”
“No sense in using the good beans or forcing yourself to use a manual grinder, if you just want a simple, eyeballing it, drip coffee.” ~ baconcheesecakesauce
Well OP, sounds like Reddit is with you.
You make your coffee, he can make his.
It sounds like it may be an easier way to live.
Happy drinking.