Helping out a friend in need can be a rewarding task, but plenty know when it becomes too much of a burden. How you react to the request can determine how your relationship will continue.
Over on Reddit, AITA_borrowboro had a friend ask for help, and the original poster (OP) thinks it may have been too much. She said no, but now she’s wondering if it made her a jerk to refuse.
To find out, OP took her story to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit and asked the titular question.
“AITA for not letting my friend ‘borrow my life’?”
The situation requires a little explanation:
“My friend and I (both 25F[emale]) met in our freshman year of university, however 2 years into it she decided that she wanted to be a dancer and law school wasn’t it for her, so she dropped out.”
‘Nobody in her family wanted her to study law because in our country being a lawyer is a pretty dangerous career if the wrong people hire you and you fail their cases, but she wanted it and so her family pretty much stopped talking to her after that, when she dropped out I asked her if she was gonna tell her family and she said that she wasn’t since being a dancer wasn’t something they’d approve too anyway.”
“I consider her my best friend, however my husband (25M[ale]) doesn’t like her and says that she only causes drama and unsolicited problems. She says that he’s too frugal for her liking but they’re civil towards each other, and after a few beers they get along just fine.”
“Three days ago she came to my house and told me that she had something to ask, said that after so many years she started to long her family, her parents mostly and she wanted to reconnect with them, when she called them her parents answered well, but that they had too many expectations, a good career, a house, a husband and out of panic, she said yes to all of them and that she wanted to ‘borrow’ my life for a day or two.”
“She wants to invite her parents, show them that life was treating her well and start something from there, my friend wanted to use my house, dogs and husband and that during those 2 days I could stay in her apartment or she’ll pay for a hotel.”
“I was shocked at first, I told her that the sole idea didn’t sound good and that if she wants to get her family back, maybe being honest was the best choice and that she could explain them that she answered out of panic about ‘that perfect life’, she told me that I didn’t knew her family and to please help her out.”
“I said that as much as I wanted, I couldn’t do it because my dogs and mostly my husband wasn’t some kind of objects to move and give as I pleased, that she could use the house as a safe place for the dinner, but she had to tell them that it wasn’t hers. She called me unreasonable and left.”
“Now some of our friends (all females) told me that letting her do this for a day or two was harmless, that she knew her family better than anyone and she could fix the things along the way, I told them that even if I do that she had to take some *fake* photos with my husband, buy some things to make the house ‘hers’ and that being honest would be much cheaper.”
“They called me an AH for not helping her and that if she asked them, they would do it without hesitation. My friends asked for *my* life because at the end of the day my husband knows her and it’ll be easier, she can’t have her GF do it because her parents don’t know she’s gay.”
On the AITA subReddit, OP explains her situation with her friend and is either an AH or not for refusing her request.
Other users pass judgment by including one of the following in their responding comment:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
OP’s friend is asking a lot. In addition to just borrowing her house and family, it’s a massive inconvenience on her life, and it’s all because her friend feels the need to lie.
This sounds a lot more like the setup to a sitcom than a request OP should honor.
“Your best friend is insane. This won’t end well, and helping her lie to her family is going to blow up on you and anyone else within the blast radius.”
“Don’t do this.” – FrnchsLwyr
“This right here. Your friend is insane and all your mutual friends who are saying let her do it are also insane.”
“What’s next? Kicking you out to a hotel for the holidays? And when the in-laws visit? And deleting your entire social media profile because ‘someone will see’?”
“Your husband must be choking on his ‘I told you so’ right now. Shut this down right now and block her from your social media.” – Emergency_Yard_6009
“NTA. Asking to take over your life for a few days, share a bedroom with your husband, dinner at your table, all because she panicked and lied to her parents is way beyond the red line.”
“You do not know her parents, you do not know what they will do, if they will come around at random, and just the idea of giving your life over to someone for this con is insane.” – newtennowhothis
“NTA your husband is correct though. She is not a friend to ask such a thing from you. I would ask myself what I have done to make her think you would EVER do such a thing.”
“She also is showing you She will lie to get what she wants she will use people as objects. And dosent respect you or your marriage if she thinks she could ask. But mostly the fact she thinks she can make happy family with your hubby now.”
“What happens when mommy and daddy want a grandbaby? must you then provide your future children? Seriously she is so wrong.”
“This will blow up and she will cause you both drama or BLAME YOU THAT IT DIDNT WORK. leave her and anyone defending such crap.” – momof2beautifulkids
“NTA. I had a friend like this in college and it’s just like your husband says- they cause unsolicited problems.”
“This is a problem she made for herself, let her fix it like an adult instead of manipulating her family (which, btw, she would probably do to you too).” – matrushka1200
None of the comments thought the friend’s request seemed reasonable, and OP’s friends are ridiculous for thinking she should do it.
Really, the friend needs to be honest with her family, and if they don’t like it, then they aren’t good at being family.