Who doesn't hope that we might benefit from friends working in certain industries?
This could mean skipping lines at theme parks, getting VIP access to clubs, or tables at restaurants that are impossible to book.
Of course, we should only enjoy these perks when they're offered to us.
Asking for them outright could be tacky.
A friend of Redditor Taco_Boi3000 was getting married.
Seemingly, luckily for him, the original poster (OP) worked in an industry that could help him out a great deal at his upcoming wedding.
Leading him to ask the OP for their services in a very public manner.
Unfortunately, the OP was less than eager to provide these services on this occasion.
Wondering if he was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit "Would I Be The A**hole" (WIBTA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"WIBTA If I said no to cooking for a friend's wedding?"
The OP explained why they felt less than honored to be asked by a friend to cater their wedding:
"So, I'm a professional chef, and I throw little dinner parties for friends to keep cooking fun, not just work."
"It's how I stay connected to the joy of it."
"A friend asked me to cater their wedding, assuming I'd do it for free and acting like it was an honor."
"I get that being part of a wedding is an honor, but cooking for 30+ people is way more work than an honor."
"Here's the kicker: we're in a social athletic group."
"He asked me in front of everyone, literally saying, 'no pressure, but would you be willing to do this?'"
"Bullsh*t, 'no pressure', he should have asked me in private, don't you think?"
"I took a moment to explain what it would take to produce something like this, he was not listening and kept saying 'all that matters is that we are getting married'...."
"Hey that's great but you'll have to pay for the plates, napkins, food, extra help?"
"He has no concept of logistics on this matter."
"He assumed that I would be thrilled to do this for him and didn't even consider offering to pay me for this 'Honor '..."
"I am a very generous person, but I'm pretty sure that this is too much."
"Now, the party is supposed to be capped at 30."
"But in my experience the guest list tends to grow as you get closer to the event."
"I'm pretty sure they expect me to do it for free."
"WIBTA if I said no?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP would not be the a**hole for refusing to cater their friend's wedding.
Everyone agreed that this was a job offer, and as with any job offer, they had the right to say no, and they should only consider it if they were getting paid:
"NTA, but say no immediately."
"Don't waste time on trying to think of the best way to say it."
"You are sorry, but you don't have the time."
"No."
"That's it."- Ok_Day_8559
"NTA."
"It's not an invitation to a wedding, it's a job offer, and you're allowed to decline both."
"Isn't their wedding somewhere in the middle of nowhere?"
"I've read a bride's story about asking a friend to cater for a wedding in the woods, but she swears she was willing to pay."
"Now I'm curious whether these two stories are related."- Remarkable-Manager56
"NTA."
"Please also consider that if you do it this time, you will be setting a precedent within your social group."
"Do you want the 'honor' of catering to everyone's events?"
"No?"
"'Why not? You did it for our other friend!'"- Ugly_Quenelle
"NTA."
"Please also consider that if you do it this time, you will be setting a precedent within your social group."
'Do you want the 'honor' of catering everyone's events?"
"No?"
"'Why not? You did it for our other friend!'"- Ugly_Quenelle
"How can I enjoy your wedding if I'm stuck in the kitchen the whole day?"
"Or."
"Considering my shifts on the days before, I wouldn't be able to fit in the prep needed."
"Or."
"Are you serious?"
"NTA."- JuicyGreen99
"I feel like this dude just doesn't want to pay for catering."
"And he's trying to use a personal connection to you and the pressure of asking in front of a bunch of people to make you say yes."
"If he wanted to have you cater his wedding just because it's YOU and you make good food, he would be trying to work out a way that would make you feel comfortable doing so."
"Instead he's just trying to say it's some big honor to cater his wedding."
"'If you care about me, you'll feed 30+ people on your dime for MY wedding!'"
"NTA."- Its_So_Over_Dude
"NTA."
"I think this is pretty obvious."
"He's disguising all of the money and work that's spent into making food for a party, behind the 'honor'."- Radiant-Department24
"NTA."
"Do NOT do this!"
"If you decide to go ahead, you will be resentful forever."
"This person is deluded."
"Entitled."
"Selfish."- Time-Tie-231
"NTA."
"Say no."
"Just tell him you can't do it and leave it at that."
"However, prepare an itemized list of what it would take for you to cater this, including all prices and a total."
"I have a feeling you're going to get some pushback, so have that ready to show and say, 'No, this is the amount it would take for me to cater this, not including my time and effort. I'm not doing it'."
"Good luck."- Mindless-Client3366
"NTA obviously!"
"Just say you have a plan to be out of town that week and skip this 'Friend's wedding."-bearbeetsandbsg
"Definitely NTA."
"IT's fine to keep it really simple and just say 'Hi, following on from your suggestion on [date] - I'm not able to cater your wedding for you'."
"I you WANT to add more detail you could say somthing like 'I don't like mixing business with pleasure and the risk of that happening once I accepted a professional engagement from you would be too great' you could add, (if it's true) 'plus, I'm a chef, not a caterer, they're not the same thing and so me trying to do it would be way more expensive than if you got a caterer, because on top of my fees and the costs of the food there would be equipment I'd need to hire or buy, plus appropriate insurance, all of which a caterer should already have'."
"If you wanted, you could add 'I can ask around at work to see if anyone knows of a caterer who who would be suitable for a job like this, if you want me to?'"
"Basically, you are being polite, letting them know that it is impractical but also making clear that it wouldn't be free even if you were able to take it on."- ProfessorYaffle1
"NTA."
"Heck, we typically feed 300-3000 people, but yeah, 30 people for one chef, and no compensation."
"Not happening."
"As you said, the logistics and prep are close to a week's full-time work."
"That's 40 man-hours he wants for free, plus you'll need access to a full-sized, equipped kitchen."
"Even if you can use your work kitchen, that's still cutting into your regular work schedule for what?"
"Honour?"
"We ain't Klingons."
"Honour doesn't pay your rent."- Old_Fart_on_pogie
"NTA."
"In all future discussions of this 'honor', you should mention costs, staff, and effort, repeatedly, and write the numbers down every time you say them."- Ma-Hu
"No, YWNBTAH."
"When planning my wedding, I was very, very adamant about NOT asking any of my friends to also work on the day."
"The guest whose a DJ?"
"Ask him for recommendations, sure, but no, we are not asking him to BE our DJ, he's a guest."
"Friend who is a wedding photographer?"
"No, I will not ask him to take the pictures for us, he's a guest."
"And so on it went."
"Could we have saved money?"
"Sure."
"But these are people we want to celebrate WITH, not in front of, while they have to work."-No_Scheme5951
"Why would you even be contemplating if you did anything wrong?!"
"NTA."- Lower_Past5292
"NTA."
"Never do anything like this for free, especially for friends/family."- Sardinesarethebest
"What are his expectations? You pay for the food, the wait staff, and everything else?"
"Say NO asap."
"NTA."- Low-Television-7508
"NTA."
"It is quite entitled of your 'friend' (spoiler alert: he is not your friend) and on top of that to put pressure on you by asking in front of everyone in your social circle."- ernestoemartinez
If the OP's friend really wanted to butter them up and convince them to do it, you'd think they'd at least make a point of saying how delicious their food is?
Instead, it's hard to disagree that the OP's friend just wanted to hire them on the assumption it would be done gratis.
One can only assume this friend will be relieved that the OP said no and didn't say yes, only to throw a bill at them afterwards...
