When we plan parties, we always hope everything will go as planned and that the event will be wonderful. That’s especially true if we worked hard to have the event at all.
That was the opinion of one woman on the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor AltAccSIL had to choose whether to defend her perfect engagement party or to share the spotlight.
When she received serious pushback, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she made the wrong choice.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my sister-in-law (SIL) to leave after she announced her pregnancy at my engagement dinner?”
The OP and her fiance worked hard to arrange a lovely engagement party.
“My engagement dinner was on Tuesday, my fiance ([Male] 27) and I ([Female] 25) did our best to afford the party at a decent restaurant.”
“His and my family came as well as our friends.”
“We had a great time, great dinner, and even brought a photographer (my sister’s best friend), and everything was going fine.”
Then the OP’s sister-in-law put a damper on the event.
“Until my sister-in-law (my fiance’s sister) approached me with her husband and handed me my engagement gift.”
“This was sweet of her, really, I opened it to find a pair of baby shoes inside.”
“My fiance put his drink down and asked, ‘What? You’re… how???’ and then turned to MIL (mother-in-law) and shouted, ‘MOM!!!'”
“MIL got up asking if I was pregnant.”
“I said, ‘What? No! It was a confusing gift.”
“I asked my SIL, ‘What is this?'”
“SIL said, ‘Congratulations, you’re going to be an auntie and uncle!”
“She announced that she and her husband were expecting. I was in shock as everyone got up from their seats and started congratulating her and her husband for their pregnancy.”
“My fiance got up to congratulate his sister and her husband. The guests kept talking to them for long period.”
The OP decided to confront her SIL about the announcement.
“I pulled my SIL aside and asked why she decided to announce her pregnancy at my engagement party specifically.”
“She said she and her husband saw this as a chance since most of the family was there and it’s a double joy.”
I explained that I’ve been looking forward to my engagement dinner for a long time and spent time and money to make it happen.”
“I flatout called her behavior out and told her her announcement was at the wrong place, wrong time.”
“We already have a not-so-good relationship, so for her to think that it was cool to do that is not okay.”
“She got all p**sed and accused me of already resenting her baby because it’s the first grandchild and that she doesn’t want to play my ‘mental games’ and called me petty to see things from this perspective.”
“It escalated after she raised her voice, and I asked her to please leave.”
The family did not agree with the OP’s reaction.
“She told my MIL I was kicking her out for just making her pregnancy announcement and she sided with her.”
“SIL and her husband said they were going ‘somewhere else’ to celebrate and asked who wanted to join them. We had no choice but to end the party soon since most of my fiance’s family wanted to go after giving me nasty looks for my early-on confrontation with my SIL.”
“I felt awful because my family was left alone and my fiance was the only one who stayed.”
“My fiance said had I not started arguing with his sister, none of them would’ve wanted to leave, basically saying I ruined my own engagement dinner.”
“Was I wrong? Should I just sucked it up and not confront her?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some Redditors had a serious problem with the “gift” given at an engagement party.
“God, telling someone you’re gonna be an aunt/uncle as a gift is so f**king cheesy. Like, where is the actual gift, man.”
“NTA, by the way” – Strong-Bottle-4161
“Like what is she going to do with a pair of baby shoes? Tie it to her bouquet? Use it to reserve a seat for the baby?” – nun_the_wiser
“It’s fairly narcissistic actually. Unless it’s just a random gift, then it’s just a way to announce. But as a gift for an occasion where you would normally give an actual gift, it seems like it’s just a way to steal attention from whatever is being celebrated.” – vicki_chicki
Others were upset with how the sister-in-law stole the show.
“Like a ‘we know it’s a special occasion for you, but we’re going to overshadow that by giving you a non-gift-gift that has no context until we completely hijack your event!'” – WiseBat
“You forgot to add: ‘We’re doing this because we’re too cheap to have our own event and we don’t want you to take attention away from MEEEEEEEeeeeeeEeeeee!'” – MNVixen
“OP should send an invoice and request SIL & BIL pay for half the dinner, because twice the joy should equal half the cost.”
“But keep in mind that this will be the rest of your life if your fiance doesn’t step up and support you.” – commandantskip
A few were concerned about a potentially toxic family.
“And feels entitled to it, borne out by fiances family all bailing. Seems like the SIL is the golden child bearing the golden baby.”
“OP, I’m sorry you found out this way that your inlaws are all toxic, but better now than on your wedding day.”
“A nibling-in-law is not an engagement gift. You’re NTA, but you may need some couples’ counseling to bring your F (fiance) around to the idea that you and he deserve to be celebrated on your own occasions, not to have narcissists steal the show.” – Carabella
“Regardless of who was to call them out (OP or fiance), it IS appropriate to nip that s**t in the bud once they are clearly turning someone else’s engagement party into their pregnancy announcement party.”
“OP pulled SIL aside to say it wasn’t appropriate; SIL is the one that escalated, accused OP of being jealous and essentially forced OP to stand up for herself and tell SIL to GTFO (although I’m sure SIL was expecting that OP would just slink away with her tail between her legs), and then SIL sucked everyone else in with her Poor Widdle Me tale of woe.”
“Yes, there’s a bunch of things that could have been done differently, but I suspect that there were really only two outcomes once they made the pregnancy announcement – either OP sucked it up and the engagement got totally pushed aside so SIL got a pregnancy party and all the attention on OP’s dime, or, OP pushes back and SIL turns it into the You’re Just Jealous ruin-the-party show and still gets all the attention.” – KahurangiNZ
The subReddit was really clear on this one, agreeing that there’s a time and a place for an engagement party, and for a pregnancy announcement, and they are not at the same time. Perhaps the sister-in-law could have shared the news with the happy couple early, but taking over the party seems uncalled for.