There are few things more frustrating than needing to change your plans.
Even so, sometimes things occur that are truly beyond our control, meaning we might have to skip or pass on something we might have been looking forward to for months.
Things become even more complicated when plans involve multiple people, but one person experiences a change in circumstances.
In these instances, does everyone need to cancel or change plans solely because of one person?
Redditor munchy_banana1 was looking forward to a weekend getaway with a group of people he had in his calendar for months.
Unfortunately, one member of the group had to suddenly back out.
While the original poster (OP) was disappointed in this change, he still planned on partaking in this trip.
However, the individual who backed out had a different set of expectations.
Wondering if they were doing the right thing, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not wanting to cancel weekend plans to my cottage because my girlfriend can’t make it?”
The OP explained how he found himself in an awkward, “all or nothing” situation with his girlfriend:
“We (my gf, 24 F[emale], and I, 26 M[ale]) made plans about 2 months ago to invite 7 of our friends to my family cottage for the weekend.”
“It is a shared cottage with a lot of family going back 4 generations, so really hard to book a weekend on our little Google calendar unless it’s at least 2 months in advance.”
“I worked an extra shift this week to be able to take Saturday off as I normally work Saturdays.”
“We are currently on Thursday evening, and my girlfriend just let me know that she can’t make it this weekend because she has to work both Saturday evening and Sunday morning.”
“I didn’t think anything of it, thinking she would just not be coming.”
“She immediately got mad as she was expecting me to cancel this weekend just because she can’t make it.”
“Her justification is that she does a lot for me (which she does) and that I should do this for her.”
“I would drop anything to help her or be with her if she needed me, but she’s just working.”
“I find it selfish, and I don’t understand why she doesn’t want me to go.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for proceeding with his plans without his girlfriend.
Everyone agreed that it was unreasonable and, indeed, selfish for the OP’s girlfriend to expect him and the whole group to cancel plans simply because she could no longer make it herself:
“Canceling your plans is not a huge deal, but she’s trying to cancel the plans of 7 other people.”
“NTA.”- binger5
“NTA.”
“So you’re supposed to do what, sit at home and do nothing while she’s working?”
“It’s unfortunate she can’t go, but there’s no reason for you to cancel for yourself and seven other people who have all made these plans.”- Jerseygirl2468
“NTA.”
“You don’t cancel weekend plans for seven people because your girlfriend can’t make it.”
“That’s not fair to anyone.”- Acrobatic_Hippo_9593
“NTA.”
“Your girlfriend should’ve put in a time off request two months ago or asked someone to take her shifts weeks ago.”
“Now if she did and it got rejected or somebody backed out, that sucks, but the idea that you shouldn’t be able to enjoy your time off because she can’t get the time off is ridiculous.”
“Her justification that she does a lot for you doesn’t make sense because she isn’t actually asking you for support.”
“She’s not asking you to cancel because she’s having surgery or wants you to help her move.”
“It’s just ‘I can’t go so you shouldn’t go’ which is absurd.”
“Also, you invited seven friends.”
“So she’s expecting eight people to have their weekend plans cancelled on short notice because she had to work?”
“That’s a wild level of selfishness and a really nasty attitude.”- GhostParty21
“NTA.”
“You are hosting your friends.”
“It was made in plenty of time.”
“As you said, getting the time at the cottage is hard, so you may not get another chance to go for a while.”- Forsaken_Pick3201
“NTA.”
“You invited 7 friends who rearranged their schedules to go.”
“Not going because she can’t go would be inconsiderate to say the least.”- Edcrfvh
“NTA.”
“You worked extra and planned the weekend.”
“She obviously dropped the ball or this is a toxic relationship test to see if you’ll cave for her.”
“She’s working all weekend, why would you cancel on your friends and ruin everyone’s weekend to just sit at home alone?”- wayward_painter
“NTA.”
“You have 7 friends who also made arrangements to go to the cottage.”
“Doesn’t seem right to cancel the entire event just because your GF can’t attend.”
“Tell her to grow up.”- Romy39
“NTA.”
“That’s just beyond weird and very juvenile and immature of your girlfriend.”
“You booked the time off work; she should have.”
“Her lack of poor planning doesn’t mean you have to ruin your fun.”
“You also invited 7 others, and it’s very disrespectful. She thinks it’s ok to ruin their plans too.”
“And your entire family, too, who could have used the cottage that weekend if you had cancelled at the last minute and left it empty.”
“She’s very selfish.”- Own-Year1678
“She’s acting like a 15-year-old girl, not a 24-year-old woman.”
“Guilt-trip you because she does so much for you, so you should not have fun with seven friends?”
“She’s delusional!”
“NTA.”- Only-upvibes
“Sooo why didn’t she make sure she didn’t have to work?”
“Or does she have a boss from hell or something?”
“You’re NTA regardless, just wondering how bad the main character syndrome is on the gf.”- Like_the_rainbow
“Your girlfriend wants eight people, including her boyfriend, to stay home all weekend, foregoing a long-planned trip, because she suddenly has to work?”
“How is this doing anything for her?”
“Does it make her happy to cause disappointment to others?”
“No wonder you are puzzled.”
“Maybe you will get to the bottom of it after you and your friends have enjoyed your weekend.”
“If your girlfriend follows up by demanding attention constantly with calls and texts so you can’t in fact enjoy your weekend, I think your relationship is in trouble.”
“Random selfishness is not a good look.”
“NTA.”- MightyMouse134
“NTA.”
“She would have known about this weekend for ages.”
“Your other friends have had this booked in for 2 months so if she couldn’t take the time off she should have said.”
“Even if she completely forgot about it and forgot to put the time in she needs to put her hands up and say ‘sorry I f*cked up’.”
“Go to your cottage.”
“It’s not selfish.”
“She’s being selfish, expecting you to cancel your and other people’s plans 24 hours beforehand.”
“How far away is it?”
“Could she drive as well if you went up Friday, hang out till lunchtime Saturday, and then head to work?”- Justan0therthrow4way
“NTA.”
“She can get over it.”- Trepenwitz
“NTA.”
“She’s selfish to the extreme.”
“What’s next?”
“If she has to work, then you now have to stay home & do nothing?”
“No more friends unless she can be there, too?”
“The way I see it is if it was just you too, fine.”
“Honestly, for me, I’d probably not have an amazing time.”
“But that’s not the case.”
“This is multiple other ppl.”
“You would not expect her to stay home, nor would the majority of the world.”
“She needs to get over herself … and request time off sooner next time.”- Low_Attention_974
“So she wants eight people to cancel their plans because she has to work?”
“NTA and that’s a serious level of entitlement.”- MyDirtyAlt79
“Go have a good time, and when you get back, start looking for a gf who is not selfish.”
“NTA.”- pops1172
“NTA.”
“Work obligations happen, but that doesn’t mean your partner has to put your life on hold too.”
“She can’t expect you to cancel something that took months to plan.”
“That’s unreasonable, for me.”- PerkfectCup
“NTA.”
“Too many people involved, it wouldn’t be fair to cancel.”- Careless-Ability-748
“NTA.”
“One thing you should think about: this isn’t about her.”
“You invited seven other people who took time off to be with you.”
“It’s too bad your GF wasn’t able to get the time off, but that’s her problem.”
“You have seven people counting on you for making this weekend happening.”
“She should stop acting like a toddler and grow up.”- UnhappyCryptographer
It would be one thing if the OP planned on going solo for what was supposed to be a romantic weekend getaway, with just him and his girlfriend.
However, as this was a weekend involving several people planned many months in advance, it seems a bit much that the OP’s girlfriend expected him to cancel as well.
Particularly if she was always going to be working, and he’d only be sitting around doing nothing.