As the saying goes, "no good deed goes unpunished".
Sometimes, purely out of the kindness of our hearts (or so we think), we want to show someone how much we appreciate them with a simple, kind gesture.
Only to find that our gesture was met with less than a rapturous response, if not outright animosity.
The girlfriend of Ok-Tea183 was expecting a baby, and as is often the case, her emotions were in a particularly fragile state.
As a result, she had trouble answering a fairly simple question asked by the original poster (OP).
When the OP demanded a more specific answer than he was given, his girlfriend took his tone particularly personally.
Having some doubts about how he handled things, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for asking my girlfriend to tell me what flavor of smoothie she wanted?"
The OP explained how taking his pregnant girlfriend's smoothie order tipped her over the edge:
"I (24 M[ale]) stopped on my way home to pick up a smoothie for my (23 F[emale]) girlfriend 'Evangeline'."
"She's pregnant and is craving smoothies, so I thought it would be a nice surprise for her."
"She always drinks the strawberry-banana smoothie, so that's what I got for her."
"But when I got home and gave it to her, she didn't want it."
"She said that she doesn't feel like bananas, and asked me to get her a different flavor."
"I asked her what kind she wanted, and she said she didn't know."
"I told her that I need to know what flavor."
"Evangeline said 'just get me what I like' and I told her that I don't know what flavors she likes other than strawberry-banana."
"She started to get frustrated and said that I know the other one she likes."
"I had zero clue, she's never asked me for anything other than strawberry-banana."
"I repeated myself multiple times that I don't know what she wants, and she started to cry and said that I was pressuring her too much over a smoothie."
"She's been in a bad mood ever since, has barely spoken to me all evening."
"AITA for asking my girlfriend to tell me what flavor of smoothie she wanted?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for wanting a more specific smoothie order from his girlfriend.
Just about everyone agreed that Evangeline shouldn't expect the OP to read her mind, and telling him to choose what flavor was almost guaranteed to set both of them up for disappointment.
Many observed that Evangeline's heightened reaction was clearly owing to her pregnancy:
"NTA."
"She sounds hormonal from the pregnancy."
"Don't say that to her, though."- Own-Crazy8086
"NTA."
"For not being a psychic."
"Hopefully this is just because her hormones are out of whack, which doesn't excuse it but may mean she'll come to her senses."- KatTheKonqueror
"I've been a pregnant woman, and I know that hormones can wreak havoc on a pregnant woman's emotions, but I'm still having a hard time with the degree and the length of her reaction to you."
"I'm all for cutting her some slack, but I will still say NTA."
"I can understand her not wanting her usual favorite, not being sure what she wants but still wanting something, being a hair-trigger away from crying, and having an illogical, over-the-top reaction in that moment."
"What I can't understand is her failing to recover basic reasoning/logic AND some control of her emotions even after SEVERAL hours."
"I've had a moment when I burst into tears and cried I didn't know what I my problem was/what I wanted."
"But I also knew that my husband wasn't doing anything wrong, had no way of knowing (any more than I did) what my problem was/what I wanted; and, honestly, right after my outburst, I just let him give me a hug and a little comfort till the moment passed."
"End of story."
"Just digging in to keep fueling an emotional response that should be transitory is not a good way to deal with things."
"If she is having a bigger emotional struggle that doesn't subside, she should talk to her doctor."
"Still, I don't think now is the best time to argue about who is right or wrong; you just know that you didn't do anything wrong."
"Maybe a little space is what she needs right now to calm down her emotions."
"I wouldn't bring up the topic (she may prefer to drop it/ be exhausted from the emotions associated with it)."
"Nor would I try to surprise her again."
"Next time, maybe just ask if she'd like to go with you to grab a treat."
"Better yet, if it's an ice cream shop that lets her sample the flavors."- swillshop
"NTA."
"But I will say, pregnancy hormones are absolutely brutal."
"Can you reflect back to your past, being aged 15-16, your hormones going nuts, and being completely annoyed that your parents had the nerve to exist and your brother was 'breathing too loud'."
"It doesn't make sense, and we know it doesn't make sense, and we get super frustrated that emotions exist for zero reason whatsoever."
"You are NTA, but she's also NTA for crying or being frustrated."
"Now, if she lashed out at you, behaving badly, then she would be TA."
"But being indecisive, frustrated, and crying isn't a behavior, it's just a state of emotion."-Girl_with_no_Swag
"NTA."
"But give her some grace."
"I remember sobbing for well over an hour because DQ didn't have the blizzard flavor I wanted."
"Pregnancy is weird."- Agile-Tomorrow4285
"NTA."
"You aren't a mind reader."
"But, as someone who has been pregnant, man, did I cry a lot."
"I am not a big cryer, but I was crying at all kinds of things."
"It was frustrating to me that I was so emotional."
"I think next time you could tell her that you aren't sure what other flavor she wants, but that you will text her a menu link, and she can take her time deciding."
"That way, she doesn't feel pressure."
"I don't think this is something that you could have predicted."- sisterfunkhaus
"NTA."
"But cut her some slack, pregnancy hormones are crazy, I once cried because it was midnight and I wanted chicken nuggets but every place near us with chicken was closed, I knew I was being unreasonable but literally could not help it, someone above compared to being in puberty again and that's pretty true."- LatteLove35
"NTA."
"Don't take it personally as someone who is pregnant we get emotional in dumb ways I sobbed to the point I had a panic attack yesterday over making my partner frustrated."
"We were talking about work, I wasn't even the thing that made him frustrated."
"I don't know why, but I couldn't stop it. The hormones are bad, and I think it's just one of those nights for her just tell her you love her and that you'll be right there when she is feeling better."- Sharp-Caramel-6717
"NTA."
'If she doesn't know her own mind, she certainly can't expect you to know it for her."
"But pregnancy is weird, cut her some slack."- ShimmerKoi
"NTA."
"Yes she's pregnant, but does she expect you to know through osmosis what she wants?"
"You were just trying to do a sweet thing for her."- Lucky-Menu-
"NTA."
"But just get her plain strawberry, my dude."- RebekahR84
"NTA."
"Even though you were caring and thoughtful, neither of you have control over pregnancy hormone brain/emotion."
"Just keep doing these caring things."
"They will be remembered and acknowledged later when things subside."- Nervous-Outcome2976
There were some, however, who urged the OP to cut Evangeline some slack, as her behavior was clearly owing to her heightened emotions due to pregnancy:
"NAH."
"This sounds like pregnancy hormones in action."
"Lots of changes are going on, and her tastes change accordingly."
"I would suggest a different approach."
"You went with the - I don't know, tell me - approach."
"That puts pressure on her."
"You could try, 'Let me open the menu and see if we can find something you like'."
"The pickles and ice cream craving is not a myth."
"Pickles are a good source of electrolytes, and ice cream has fat and calcium, things she needs."
"So be prepared for her to ask for strange combinations."
"When she does, go get them."
"She's working on making a healthy human, and she needs the basic ingredients."-WhereWeretheAdults
"NAH."
"She's just feeling all the things, and you (understandably) don't know how to help."
"It'll all work itself out, just giving her time to cool off."- _PrincessG
No matter how hard we try, we ultimately cannot control our emotions.
Something pregnancy only exacerbates, hence why a smoothie order might bring Evangeline to tears.
Here's hoping the OP can find a gentler way to get her smoothie order, resulting in a happy ending for everyone.
