Doing a favor for someone, be it ever so small, is almost always guaranteed to make us feel better about ourselves afterward.
That doesn't mean mustering up the courage to perform this favor is always easy.
Especially if it means inconveniencing ourselves.
Or at least it seems like we'll have to inconvenience ourselves.
Redditor Theblueportal was approached by a colleague about doing her a favor.
A favor the original poster (OP) really didn't want to have to do.
Thankfully, the colleague didn't end up needing this help.
However, the OP's noticeable relief at this matter did not sit particularly well with their colleague.
Having some doubts about how they behaved, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for not giving my vacation day to a coworker getting married?"
The OP explained why they found themselves at odds with a colleague at work:
"My job does vacation days by seniority and we submit the bulk of our vacation requests at the same time every year."
"So you kind of need to plan ahead if you have big plans, or you need to work around the days that are still available after we submit all our leave requests."
"When we did this process in March of 2025, I submitted a request for the day after MLK day in January 2026."
"The day after a holiday is brutal at my job, there is a lot more work to do and you are often stuck there late."
"I have frequently tried to get the day after a federal holiday off."
"Lucky me, there was one slot available and I was the only person to request it, so I got it."
"Fast forward to December of 2025, and a coworker approaches me and tells me she is getting married."
"This is top secret info and she is only telling a few people, but she would really like me to let her know if I cancel my vacation day so she can put in for it."
"She was able to get 6 days off for this secret wedding, but she really wanted my day off also."
"Ok, that's fine, I'll let you know."
"I could tell she was expecting me to immediately agree because she seemed kind of dejected."
"A day or two later, she tells me she doesn't want it anymore."
"I said ok, I probably wasn't going to cancel it anyway."
"She said she thinks I would have because it's a big deal."
"After this our relationship at work was about the same still."
"Which is to say, I hardly know this woman, and we're not friends or anything."
"Just cordial coworkers."
"Not long after the vacation day request, there was a point where we were being forced to work overtime based on our seniority level."
"She was first in line, and I was second."
"She asked me if I would trade spots with her because she had something going on after work, and I said I didn't want to do that."
"After that point, she has stopped talking to me entirely."
"A couple of my other coworkers seem a little standoffish towards me now also. I can only speculate that it is because of something she said, but I don't know for sure."
"Look, I'm not doing anything on my vacation day."
"I just don't want to work that day."
"I put in for that day off almost a year ago."
"And I didn't want to work overtime that other day either, but I don't have a ton going on."
"I just flat out didn't want to."
"Maybe I should have tried to help my coworker out more?"
"AITA for not cancelling my vacation day and not working the overtime for my about to be newlywed coworker?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was somewhat divided as to whether or not they felt the OP was the a**hole for not giving her vacation days to her colleague.
Some didn't think there were any a**holes in this situation, feeling that the OP had no obligation to give up their vacation days, but also didn't think it was unreasonable for the OP's colleague to ask for the change, considering it was for her wedding:
"NAH."
"But at the same time, don't expect anyone else to do any favors for you around the office."
"If you get a reputation in your workplace as the person who never helps anyone else out, even when they could, then you're going to have zero social capital to draw on in the event that you need help from others."- yourlittlebirdie
While others felt the OP's decision was more than justified, even if they urged them to use their words a little more carefully going forward:
"NTA for not giving up your time off, BUT your starting to exhibit a pattern that you won't be helpful at all."
"In the future if something happens and you need a shift covered, be ready for people to turn you down as you don't seem like a team player at this point."
"It's one thing to say no to a pre-arranged time off request as you've done it far in advance."
"Saying no to a shift cover right after starts to show that you don't want to go out of your way at all."
"Ever."
"At least that's what it looks like to outsiders."
"They might see it as a pattern and they are not going to want to go out of their way for you if you ever need the help."- Lighthouse_on_Mars
"NTA."
"The company is the a**hole for artificially creating this stupid system where two employees can't take one single day off at the same time."- Sage_Planter
"NTA."
"But what was the point of saying 'I probably wasn't going to cancel anyway?'"
"That just seems like an AH thing to say."
"I think your coworkers probably just don't like you because of things like that."
"That's why they're being 'standoffish'."- IHaveBoxerDogs
"NTA on not switching days."
"YTA for the 'I probably wasn't going to cancel it anyway' comments, which just makes you sound unlikable."
"It was unnecessary."
"You could have just said 'ok' and left it."
"Or I'm glad you got your wedding figured out."
"NTA for not trading overtime, but for your sak,e I hope you never need favors from your coworkers."-Â BlondDee1970
Then there were those who had trouble sympathizing with the OP, feeling it was unnecessary of them to tell their colleague they didn't plan on giving up their vacation days:
"'I probably wasn't going to anyway'."
"This is where YTA."
"This was completely unnecessary."
"You're not obligated to switch, but it's a kindness you could have extended."
"But telling her you're going to wash your hair* is kind of a d*ck move, even if it's true."
"*not literal, just what it sounds like to an observer."- Dry_Future_852
"YTA."
"Not because you didn't give up your vacation day or refuse the overtime, you were fully within your rights to say no to both. No one is entitled to your PTO or your time just because they're getting married but you were a jerk about it."
"Saying 'I probably wasn't going to cancel it anyway' was unnecessary and rude."
"That's the kind of comment that makes people mentally file you under unhelpful and unsympathetic."
"Same with refusing the overtime trade with zero flexibility."
"Again, allowed, but it sends a message."
"The vibe you're giving off is 'I don't care about you, don't ask me for anything'."
"People are allowed to respond to that by distancing themselves or being standoffish."
"You don't have to sacrifice your time to be liked, but you also don't get to act blunt and transactional and then be surprised when people stop being warm toward you."
"You can be right and still be the a**hole, and in this case, that's what happened."- cjanes96
"Soft YTA, But only for the day requested for the wedding."
"For everyone here asking 'who plans like that', my niece had a hastily arranged courthouse wedding because her father had cancer and received news that the treatment was not working and he had mere months to live."
"He did indeed die less than a year later but got to attend her wedding."
"Sometimes life is messy."
"Extend people the grace you'd want to receive if the tables were turned."- BeKind999
It's not surprising that the OP would be frustrated about having to give away her vacation days, which were very difficult to obtain.
That said, since it turned out not to be an issue, it wasn't necessary for the OP to tell this colleague that they weren't going to give them up anyway, as that would have been essentially rubbing salt in the wound.
For better or worse, it seems the OP needn't worry about any of their colleagues asking them for a favor ever again.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and IÂ got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.'Â And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.