There are few better feelings than when a friend wants to show their appreciation for you.
Even the smallest of gestures can make up for whatever shortcomings or hurdles you'd been facing earlier.
Something the godmother of Redditor bibbleaddict took advantage of, resulting in a strain on her relationship with their family.
Concerned about how well they handled the situation, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) asking fellow Redditors:
"AITA for making my relative pay for her uninvited guests' dinner?"
The OP first shared they completed a recent milestone in their life, and how their family intended to celebrate this notable accomplishment.
"I recently graduated from college and to celebrate this accomplishment, my family and I chipped in to have a buffet for my immediate family and some extended relatives and my godmother (also a distant relative) on a very nice restaurant."
"It's not exactly cheap so everything is accounted for and we informed them that those who are invited are the only ones who can eat."
On the day of the celebration, however, the OP's godmother arrived having either ignored or missed the instructions on the invite.
"On the day of the celebration, to our surprise, my godmother brought in 3 co-workers of hers."
"They are total strangers to me."
"My dad said he would just pay for the surprise guests but I put my foot down on it and pulled my godmother aside and told her she would have to pay for the guest she brought because we only have the budget for the people we originally invited."
"She told me to consider it and this is a celebration, no need to be cheap about it."
"I firmly told her no."
"She would either have to leave or pay for them."
"She replied 'Okayy fine'.
But the OP's godmother proved to be anything but 'fine' about their agreement when it came time to pay the bill.
"After the 3 hours buffet, when it is time for billing, I specifically told the waiter to only account the original number of guests we reserved and the 3 extras will be on a separate payment."
"My godmother was furious that we didn't relent and pay for her co-workers."
"She started ranting about it."
"But my dad told me and my mom to go home and he will deal with my godmother."
"After that incident, my phone was blown with texts from my godmother who told me I embarrassed her in-front of her co-workers."
"Turns out her co-workers ended up paying for themselves even if my dad offered to pay for them."
"He guessed that the co-workers of hers didn't want to make the situation become more awkward and it isn't a big deal for them."
"But my godmother was furious and told me paying for her friend's dinner is nothing compared to the gifts she gave me since I was little baby."
"AITA for doing this?"
Fellow Redditors weighed on on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Redditors were unanimous in taking the side of the OP, with no doubt in their minds that they were most definitely not the a**hole by refusing to pay for their godmother's friends.
Just about everyone agreed the OP's godmother was being beyond presumptuous by bringing her co-workers to their graduation dinner, particularly as the OP had never met them.
"NTA."
"Who the heck brings strangers to a relative's celebration?"
"Your godmother was beyond tacky for thinking this was ok."- MommaGuy.
"NTA."
"She can't force costs on you to save herself an awkward conversation."
"You didn't invite those people."- Hi_Im_Dadbot
"NTA."
"Who invites their own guests to a celebration for someone who has never even met them, without asking beforehand and then expects the meal to be paid?!"
"Block her number."
"She embarrassed herself and continues to do so with this behavior."- Imhere4allthedramass
"Nta, why would your godmother bring her coworkers when you don't know them then expect you to pay for them?"
"It was your celebration your godmother put herself in that situation."
"NTA: Clearly your godmother assumed she'd get her way, she should learn her actions have consequences and next time read the invite more carefully."- FluffyTurnover5029.
"NTA."
"Your godmother was totally out of line."
"And she knew it."
"I don't know what she was thinking."
"Nor do I understand what her coworkers were thinking crashing a graduation party of someone they didn't even know."- RevolutionarySea15.
"NTA your godmother is a MAJOR one, it's a celebratory meal for family why on earth would she think it is fine to bring strangers and have their cost covered, 3 of them at that."- TCGislife.
"NTA - you don't bring along uninvited guests!"
"That makes your aunt the a-hole right there."
"My MIL tried to invite guests to our wedding (that my husband and I were paying for 100% ourselves)."
"They were all either business associates of FIL's or relatives that my husband had either never met or hadn't seen in 20+ years."
"These people were basically nothing to us."
"She had the nerve to ask us to give her 'extra' invitations so she could send them out."
"We told her we'd be happy to do that if she gave us the $75 plate cost up front for every extra guest she was inviting."
"We'd happily refund her for any guests who declined."
"All of a sudden, it wasn't so very important to invite these people once it was on her dime!"-SuchLovelyLilacs.
"Nta, why did she even bring them?"
"Trying to impress them?"
"What was her game plan here?"- SpiritOfSpite.
"NTA - a) she should not have bought 3 uninvited guests that you didn't even know, and b) you told her on arrival they weren't being paid for."
"She is being completely out of line - and anything she's done for you a child is irrelevant in this."-Betweentheminds.
"NTA."
"Godmother embarrassed herself by assuming she could get her colleagues a free meal."
"Also, good on you for not letting your dad pick up the tab."
"You protected him there."- Crepusculatum.
Indeed, it is fairly shocking not only did the OP's godmother not seem to appreciate being taken out for a nice meal by good friends, she didn't see the problem with bringing additional guests.
Who knows if the OP's family has any interest in mending this potentially burned bridge, but here's hoping the godmother might at least see the error of her ways.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.