Though weddings are meant to be happy occasions, sometimes there's some seriously memorable drama, too.
Just because two people are getting married doesn't mean everyone associated with them will suddenly like each other, shrugged the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor meatdefeater88 was not a fan at all of his future wife's best friend and the Maid of Honor for their wedding, and he got the feeling that the feeling was mutual.
But when it became more obvious at their engagement party, the Original Poster (OP) might have caused more drama by speaking up about it.
He asked the sub:
"AITA for threatening to kick my wife's Maid of Honor out of our wedding?"
The OP was not impressed with one of his fiancée's friends.
"My fiancée and I are getting married next year. I very recently proposed and we decided to get planning early."
"My fiancé had this friend, Alice. I don't like to use this word, but Alice is a huge b***h. She hates me for no reason. Like literally no reason."
"When I first met her and my fiancée's other girlfriends, she was very cold to me and was very clearly disapproving of me and multiple times asked my now-fiancée why the h**l she's with me."
"I think it's partially because my presence caused a big change in my fiancée's life. She used to be a bit more loose with her morals, partied a lot, drank more, and hooked up a lot, and these are all things that Alice still does."
"I also think part of her is jealous and angry that my fiancée found herself a good man."
The OP decided to confront Alice at his engagement party.
"So at our engagement party, Alice was not happy at all. She would glare at me across the room, wouldn't have fun, and was trying to just bring the mood down."
"Eventually, my fiancée and I spoke to her."
"My fiancée was then pulled away by another girl. I decided then was a good time to settle things."
"I told her that my fiancée chose me, not her. I said she needs to get over her silly little grudge towards me. I reminded her that it was my wedding and that I could have her out of it so fast, and I knew my fiancée would let me as, once again, she chose me over her."
"Alice was visibly p**sed and upset. I moved on but the damage was done."
This led to a big argument.
"Alice told my fiancée what I said, and she told me I was being a huge d**k and needed to apologize."
"I said that I would after Alice did, but she refuses."
"I was accused of being passive-aggressive and rude."
"My fiancée is convinced I was the asshole and Alice is innocent."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some Redditors were very put-off by the OP's attitude.
"This guy says things like 'good man' and 'loose with her morals,' and then takes it upon himself to tell his fiancée's BFF that she chose him over her."
"Maybe there is more to the story, but as written OP is YTA." - Bai_Cha
"Look at how the OP describes his fiance, 'She used to be a bit more loose with her morals, partied a lot, drank more, hooked up a lot…' Can you imagine the attitude that just comes through in real life? No wonder Alice hates him." - Effective-Penalty
"He sounds insufferable. She probably hates him because she sees how her friend has lost her spark." - Chocolatefix
"I had the displeasure of working with a guy who talked a lot and one of the many, many stories he told involved an exes very intelligent lawyer mother hating him 'for no reason.'"
"No need to bore anyone with the details but even as a colleague it only took a week for the reasons to be abundantly clear, god only knows what it would be like to date such a 'nice guy.'" - Reason_unreasonably
"I think my eyes rolled into the back of my head when I read, 'part of her is jealous and angry my fiancé found herself a good man.'"
"Yeah, Alice doesn't like you not because she is jealous of your relationship, it is because you're an AH."
"Look how you talked about her and your fiancé having 'loose morals,' and how you swooped in and 'saved her from her life of depravity and made a good woman out of your fiancé and her b***h friend is jealous of me for doing so.'"
"Now you didn't type out that second part, OP, but that is exactly how your post read. Just because you spun it a certain way doesn't mean we didn't pick up on it. You looked down on both of them and you still look down on Alice and she seems to have picked up on that."
"OP is exactly the quintessential self-proclaimed 'nice guy' us ladies know all too well."
"The nice guy who thinks so highly of himself that he is flabbergasted when his superiority complex and condescending attitude rubs people the wrong way. The nice guy who looks down on women who don't fit his standards even when he is in a relationship with someone else. The nice guy who thinks niceness is a transaction."
"The nice guy who is blunt with his sexist comments but plays it off as giving 'friendly advice.' The nice guy who has to control everything and everyone around him. The nice guy who usually has a hero's complex because he is obsessed with looking good to others but also wants to cover up for the fact he sucks."
"And finally, the nice guy who the second a woman isn't opening her arms to him, calls her a b***h."
"Yeah, we know about nice guys like OP. Huge ick. I would also be curious as well to know what the ages of everyone is since OP conveniently left that out."
"YTA." - stop_spam_calls
Others said the future wife had given the OP the benefit of the doubt.
"YTA. I don't think you're passive-aggressive. You're simply aggressive." - Katana1369
"So, you weren't being passive-aggressive and rude. You were being aggressive and rude."
"Your fiancé's friends don't have to like you. If your going to be condescending to them (jealous and angry fiancé has found herself a good man?) they probably won't."
"Do you think their view may be that your fiancé is compromising who she is to assuage your insecurities? You know, partying and drinking, because you're worried about her loose morals…"
"Beware, if Alice is MOH, it means your fiancé still values what Alice thinks, so you can't just dismiss her from your life. There are parts of your fiancé that you're not supporting and getting to know."
"YTA in this interaction. Take it as an opportunity to be a better partner to your fiancé." - Ok_Two_8173
"Oh good, I was wondering if it was just my a**hole meter that was running amok."
"Also, 'my wedding'? Guess he doesn't count his fiancee as an individual person. Hope fiancee wakes up and realizes she can do so much better." - ElectricBlueFerret
"'She chose me' made me think that OP is only competing against Alice in their own head. Probably sees every comment Alice makes as a direct attack."
"'Do you guys want to go to the movies?'"
"'How dare she think she knows what movies my fiancée likes better than I do!'" - evilshenanigans
"This is gross."
"He also confronted Alice because he didn't like the look on her face."
"Going with YTA. The whole vibe is off with this guy."
"'Loose morals.' Kinda funny but then again it's so d**n contemptuous of his fiancee. Ugh." - Afraid_Sense5363
"When my best friend was with her (now ex) husband, I stuck around even tho he hated me and only thinly disguised it."
"I knew he was horrible and emotionally abusive, but if I came out all guns blazing, he'd have been able to spin it into 'she's jealous of us' and 'she doesn't know what a healthy marriage is like,' blah blah blah."
"So I was nice, if not friendly, because I knew she'd need me, and it would be easier for her to reach out with people already in place and not have to reconnect with people he'd driven away."
"And I was right, I was the first person she called when she left him. I can imagine Alice might be thinking along the same lines." - literate_giraffe
"To be clear, the changes he's describing are not inherently suspect. Obviously, if someone enters a monogamous relationship they will (hopefully) stop hooking with others. And while some people definitely still drink and party while in a relationship, others would rather spend time with their SO, or go out to dinner/other non-party events."
"If he'd described these changes in more neutral terms, I'd be willing to believe this was a case of friends growing apart and struggling with being at different stages in their life."
"But 'loose morals'? 'Found herself a good man'? Something tells me OP would NOT be open to it if his significant other wanted to go to a party with her friends, which is s**tty."
"And even if he's not super controlling, there's no question in my mind that her friends know he looks down on them for their lifestyle. No wonder the BFF doesn't like him! It's one thing to not want to party, it's another thing to judge people who do." - LF3000
Though the OP was confident in what he had said to the Maid of Honor at his engagement party, the subReddit had different ideas.
Not only were they left with a bad taste in their mouths over how the OP had written his post, but they were also concerned at how he viewed his future wife and her friends, and what that might promise in her future.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.