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Groom Loses It On His Fiancée’s Recovering Alcoholic Father For Demanding They Have A Dry Wedding

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Weddings demand a lot of planning and a lot of people who need to be taken care of.  People need to be ready to eat, to drink and to enjoy themselves.

And ultimately, weddings should be a celebration of the bride and groom.

Reddit user Jack-Sutton1993 found himself in a weird situation when his father-in-law (FIL) to be demanded something very specific about his wedding.  He did not think it would be best for all guests involved, and so, he pushed back against it.

Unaware if he was somehow in the wrong here, he went to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” or “AITA” to get objective feedback from strangers.

He asked:

“AITA for losing my sh*t on my FIL after he said no ‘alcohol’ at my wedding?”

Our original poster, or OP, talked about his previous issues with his fianceé’s father.

“Context: Me 28M[ale] & my fiancee F[emale]23 are getting married this summer. Wedding planning already started and we’re both paying for everything, no outside help.”

“I get along with my fiancee’s family but my only issue is with her recovering-alcoholic Dad. The guy is basically a punk. He did it all.”

“Stole, cheat, went to jail. He’s the ‘your mom was my girlfriend’ type of guy. What can I say… It’s a small town everyone f– (cough)knows each other.”

“My fiancee is his only daughter and she’s always worrying too much about him, helping him with money, helping him with his living situation and supported him in his recovery.”

“We remain civil for the sake of all that’s holy but disagree often.”

OP’s father-in-law to be demanded a dry wedding because of his recovery.

“He sat me down days ago to tell me about his journey in recovery and how challenging his experience was.”

“He said he wants no alcohol at the wedding whatsoever. I was taken aback. I said that’s not gonna work for me and my family.”

“He said it’s okay we can have alcohol after the wedding is over. So After everyone has left? Absolutely not.”

“I told him I’m sorry if he has an issue with alcohol at the wedding but it’s the norm and he shouldn’t dictate the wedding just because he thinks he needs to be accommodated.”

“He said firmly that he doesn’t understand why I’m choosing to satisfy my family who can’t spend one night without drinking liquor that tastes like p*ss to be my hill ‘to die on.'”

“Funny coming from the man who gave up all he had for a ‘drink’ but let’s not be so f**king mean right now and weaponize his past.”

“It’s just one night he’s right but of all nights this is legitimately the night where alcohol should be available since you know…it’s a celebration.”

OP’s FIL went on a tirade to make OP the bad guy.

“Long story short he went on about me ME! making the whole wedding about me and my family when in I shouldn’t.”

“I flipped the f**k out. Lost my sh*t and told him he doesn’t get a say. We argued til we were blue in the face and he refused to stand down.”

“When I shouted that I’d uninvite him he shouted back that that’s his only daughter and he should be present at her wedding.”

“I spoke to my fiancee. She says she’s torn on this issue since she’s happy and proud of her dad’s progress.”

“And wants him to be at her wedding and I shouldn’t have spoken to him this way. My inlaws calling me an a**hole for taking my FIL’s recovery lightly and refusing to do as suggested.”


Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

Redditors overwhelmingly took OP’s side.

“NTA, my stepdad is an alcoholic and he never asked me about this.”

“He knew I was having booze at my wedding and it was up to him to do what he needed to do to stay clean.”

“Between my stepmother, In Laws, and my mom’s family, no way was I doing that sober 😂😂”-Worldly_Science

“NTA but you’re another poster who is missing the forest for the trees. Alcohol at the reception is the trees. The forest? You got a big forest.”

“Think about these statements and what they foreshadow for your married life: ‘My fiancee is… always worrying too much about him, helping him with money, helping him with his living situation.'”

“And your big fight with her dad? ‘She says she’s torn on this issue … and I shouldn’t have
spoken to him this way.'”

“You & she need to settle the issue of her dads place in your lives and how you are going to settle disputes that involve him in the future.”-YMMV-But

“NTA – I think you need to have a long conversation with your fiancée about her relationship with her father.”

“I know she loves him. But he is not her child, and she is not responsible for taking care of him. You have a life to build as a family, he needs to start fending for himself.”

“It sounds like she has a codependent relationship with him, which would be really bad for the family.”

“You need to know that she will choose her husband and over her father.”

“You aren’t asking her to abandon him, just to understand that when you’re married, your spouse (and kids if that happens) comes before your parents.”-HisViewsAskew

“NTA So the entire world must stop drinking alcohol so he can control himself? Does he demand that the grocery store remove all the wine and beer before he shops?”

“He isn’t paying for your wedding. This is between you and your future wife. There isn’t an argument to be had about this.”

“It is cut and dried, whatever you and soon to be wife choose to have at your wedding is what happens.”-aquasaurex

“NTA. Tell your FIL to suck it up ‘coz his issues aren’t other people’s issues.”

“Tell him to stop feeling so important.”

“The breakthrough is amazing, congratulations; however, this celebration is an entirely different person’s thing.”

“As a father, he shouldn’t get in the way of his daughter’s wedding.” ~ IHaveFckingQuestions

“NTA. He is the one who needs to bend here, not you. If he can’t handle it, then he can either not attend or he can leave when the reception starts.”

“Can you have some kind of beverage available just for him? There are a ton of good non-alcoholic choices out there now, mixed drinks that look like the real thing and taste good but have no alcohol.”

“That could be a compromise.” ~ GaGypsyGirl

“I’m a diabetic so there shouldn’t be a cake at the wedding!”

“See how ridiculous that sounds. NTA!”Alarmed_Green4328

Even alcoholics weighed in that this was a ridiculous ask on FIL’s part:

“Oh please. I’ve been sober for over 25 years and it has never been and will never be anyone’s else’s responsibility to keep me sober.”

“My sobriety is mine to take care of and for him to DEMAND an alcohol-free function, that he isn’t paying for, is wholly self-centered and out of line.”

“Your fiance is absolutely enabling his alcoholism (which is very dangerous) – we don’t stop being alcoholics just because we stop drinking.”

“It sounds like you future FIL needs a big-a** reality check and your wife would benefit from Al-Anon. NTA obviously.”-Sorry-Sand-4869

“So NTA. Part of your FILs recovery is to live life around people who drink. He can ask, but can not demand it be a dry wedding.”

“As for your fiance, if she doesn’t get on board with you, then you are getting a sneak peek at your future.”

“Children of alcoholics tend to be enablers. Her wavering on giving in to her father on this ridiculous demand illustrates that.”

“If daddy is happy then we can all be happy, only the reality is daddy is a selfish a**hole who likes to see people jump for him.”

“Your FIL is 💯 AH and your fiance is getting there as well.”-ThrillDr1

“NTA, however, stop arguing with him. Talk to your fiance about what you both want and only yourselves.”

“Then you plainly state what the plan is to your future FIL and he can figure himself out. No debates, no arguments, no concessions.”

“You and your fiance need to start establishing very firm boundaries with dad right now or this will be a persistent issue in your relationship.”-thebabes2

“No, NTA. Your wedding, your money, your decisions. A person in recovery needs to be around alcohol.”

“I know literally dozens of people in recovery who never make an issue of people around them having a drink.”

“I don’t know exactly what you said to him, but you probably shouldn’t have gone off on him. But still NTA. It sounds like he was very disrespectful toward your family.”-Weskit

And all agreed nobody was responsible but him for his sobriety:

“NTA: speaking as a recovering alcoholic, if im not comfortable being around booze during a rough time, I don’t go.”

“I would never ever tell someone they needed to have a dry event because i was going to be there.”

“My addiction is nobody’s problem except mine, and your wedding is about you and your fiance, not anyone else.”-SavageInkStudios

“NTA. MY dad has been sober for almost 35 years. His statement to me the 1st time I asked if he minded if I had a drink around him was this:”

“’My sobriety is my job, not your responsibility or anyone else’s. If I am in a place where there could be drinking I assume there will be and adjust mentally.'”

“‘In the early days if I got flustered I removed myself from that situation, but just because I have an issue it does not give me the right to control what everyone else does.'”

“‘If you encounter someone saying they can’t handle you drinking around them they are trying to make other people responsible for their sobriety.’”

“Your FFIL is way out of line here and you need to stand your ground.”

“I assume there won’t be drinking during the ceremony itself? He can attend that and leave if it’s such an issue.”-Critical_Safety_3933

“NTA – you and your fiancé do get to decide. You need to sit back down with her and talk it all the way through — you don’t want her to feel caught in the middle or pressured in either direction.”

“Remind her there won’t be alcohol at the ceremony, the most important/sacred part of the wedding – and he will be there to give her away.”

“The reception is just a party and if he is going to be so triggered, maybe he should skip that.”

“And any family members that don’t agree – remind them all he is NOT paying for anything, and it is not your job to accommodate your special day to his addictions – how did all of their weddings go without out alcohol – oh wait, they had it? the nerve!!”

“Or maybe if fiancé is still upset, suggest something like doing some things out of regular ‘order’ do father daughter dance before bar opens/dinner – he dances then leaves… Regular party from there.”

“Thing is, she has to be all in on the decision because if anything goes wrong with that jerks’ sobriety after the wedding – he’ll be all over blaming you…”–Babsgarcia

“NTA- alcoholics are great at making others feel bad about their own sh*tty behavior and decisions.”

“He’s manipulating his daughter and unfortunately for you, that’s what you’re marrying. You need to sit and have a serious conversation with your fiancé about what you’re willing to put up with and finances, this is not just about your wedding.”

“Your FIL does not get a say in your wedding, especially since he’s not paying any money.”-mammatbone

The wedding is likely to have alcohol whether FIL approves or not.  Hopefully he will be able to control himself while he is there.

If not, can he really blame OP and his fiancée for his actions?

Written by Mike Walsh

Mike is a writer, dancer, actor, and singer who recently graduated with his MFA from Columbia University. Mike's daily ambitions are to meet new dogs and make new puns on a daily basis. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram @mikerowavables.