in ,

Bride Furious When Groom Allows Friend To Bring Two Kids And A Nanny To Their Childfree Wedding

Photo by Ben Waardenburg on Unsplash

Wedding days are about the bride and groom, despite the best efforts of some others in the party.  But the wedding is about the bride AND groom, not just one or the other.

Decisions made behind your partner’s back about the wedding day can have a profoundly negative effect on the relationship.

Redditor sweetcookie011 unfortunately found herself part of a disagreement between herself and her husband-to-be, only to have him go behind her back.  She,of course, felt betrayed.

Needing advice on how to proceed and whether or not she was at fault for the initial conflict, she went to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” or “AITA” for feedback from objective strangers:

“AITA for excluding my husband’s friends at our wedding?”

Our original poster, or OP, talked about the disagreement about the big day that started all the trouble.

“Me (29F[emale]) and my husband (29M[ale]) decided early on to have an adults-only wedding. We both are not fond of children and definitely don’t want them ruining our intimate wedding.”

“This is plastered all over our wedding website, invitations and even in our group conversations. Nobody had any problem with it. Months passed by and people started to send their RSVPs.”

“I was handling the website so I could see the people who RSVP’d, song requests, etc… Then 2 weeks before the wedding, my husband’s friends sent their RSVPs for 4 people instead of the allotted 2 seats. Two friends of his will be bringing their wives, kids and nanny.”

When OP asked her husband about this, he didn’t really react.

“I asked my then-fiancé about this and he asked me to let it be. Apparently they cannot attend without their kids so he allowed it.”

“I was livid. I reminded him about our original plans and how our wedding is not catered to kids (mobile bar, loud music, lots of dancing).”

“Not to mention that I get severe headaches when I hear kids crying. He ignored me and said to focus on my side of the guest list and not to badger his.”

“I felt betrayed by his decision especially when it’s so close to the big day, so I altered the seating arrangement and placed his friends at the back of the church, and at the very back tables of the reception—near the speakers and out of our sight.”

And OP ended up kind of freezing the people out of the wedding.

“The wedding day came and the ceremony was great. At the reception, I didn’t make eye contact with his friends and focused on celebrating with mine.”

“I tried to forget they were there, but the kids started bawling.”

“I can already feel the headache incoming, so I asked my friends to turn the music up, hoping they would leave early. They left.”

“The rest of the reception went by smoothly and the rest of the guests had absolute fun at the afterparty.”

“It has been six months since our wedding and everyone is still telling me how much fun they had. However, my husband noted that he didn’t get to spend time with some of his friends since they left early.”

“Now I feel guilty by excluding them, but I still feel betrayed when he didn’t put my needs first for our wedding.”

“So AITA?”

Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

Redditors took the bride’s side—and not just in seating arrangements.

“NTA. That sucks of your husband to go against what you had already agreed upon.”

“Also if the friends were able to bring their nannies with them, why on earth could they not have left the kids home with the nannies instead?”-spookycat86

“NTA. It was a child free wedding. You both agreed it was a child free wedding…..Stick to your part of the guest list..”

“So sister/best friend/cousin/aunt can’t bring her child because she is respecting your wishes but husband’s mate can’t attend a wedding without their child… who they have a nanny for. Child could have stayed at the hotel or at home.”

“Way to piss off a load of your friends and family. Your husband’s behaviour was shortsighted to say the least.”-Whitestaunton

“NTA. Your husband should have respected your mutual decision you made.”

“If he had a problem with it and had concerns about these friends of his bringing their kids, he should have brought it up before you both mutually agreed to not allow it.”-legally-liv

“NTA. If you literally cannot go somewhere without your kids, then don’t go. Simple. If you don’t want to go somewhere without your kids…. Also don’t go.”

“Your husband telling you to butt out about his inviting the kids was not respectful of him. I wouldn’t feel guilty one ounce over his friends leaving an adult party with their children early.”

“Which probably would have happened anyway, music or not, with all the people drinking and partying.”-Decent_Ad6389

“Adults Only” has a pretty concrete meaning and people thought OP’s husband should have respected that.

“NTA – NO KIDS means NO KIDS. You get to decide that, not your guests! His ‘friends’ were 100% the aholes here and you were way nicer than I would have been.”

“I had a no kids wedding as well – 90% of the guests understood. I had 2 couples decline because of it (fine and expected).”

“My MIL’s brother thought his nine-year old daughter would be an ‘exception’ for some reason – until MIL set him straight. He came without his daughter.”

“My cousin called called me and said ‘Well, if [sons] can’t come, then [wife] and I aren’t coming either!’ like it was some kind of threat. I just said ‘Sorry, we’ll miss you.'”

“He and his family didn’t attend and I heard through my aunt that he was PISSED. Whatever. I’m really not sure exactly what he was expecting.”-SuchLovelyLilacs

“You and your husband agreed to have a childfree wedding. He went back on it when he didn’t tell his friends who wanted to bring their kids and their nanny (!) that it was a childfree wedding.”

“What do they mean, they can’t attend without their kids? Yes, they can. And they have a nanny, so child care is not a problem.”

“So don’t feel one bit guilty for putting them at the back where you were less likely to see them. And don’t feel bad that you ensured they would leave early.”

“They were the ones who insisted on bringing kids to a childfree wedding. And your husband is wrong for letting them. NTA”-DaniCapsFan

“NTA. All of this could’ve been avoided if only the husband was firm with their decision and the friends were not rude, entitled guests who bring uninvited people to a wedding.”

“All the other guests had no problems with the rules, what makes these set of friends special?”

“I think this was an unnecessary stress to everyone, including the friends and kids, which could’ve been avoided if everyone just adhered to the damn rules.”-eclectic_gaia

“Ok I’m gonna start this by saying I hate the idea of childfree weddings. I think it’s annoying, mostly bc someone always gets pissy if someone with kids declines bc they can’t bring their kids.”

“Having said that, you’re NTA. Your fiancé should not have made an exception for these people.”

“Their kids acted just like you thought they would and are the literal reason people don’t want kids at their wedding.”

“You wanted an adults only party and these people showed up with kids who had a tantrum and could have ruined your night.”

“If your husband wasn’t on board with everyone not bringing kids, he shouldn’t have agreed to a childfree wedding. If he wanted to spend time with his friends and their kids, his WEDDING wasn’t the appropriate time anyway.”

“He’s an AH for still bringing it up 6 months later. Not to mention if these people have a nanny, they didn’t need to bring their kids in the first place. Wtf.”-TA122278

“NTA. We had a child free wedding on a Friday evening. My MIL was upset about it since that meant some of her friends and family wouldn’t be able to attend.”

“But since my husband and I paid for the wedding she had to suck it up. We did have several (8) of her insisted upon guests RSVP they were attending, but then not show up.”

“No reason given, but if it were because they couldn’t or didn’t want to find childcare for the evening that’s ok with me. No kids means NO KIDS.”-LowkeyPony

Eventually, OP provided an update.

“My husband and I finally talked about what happened, I even showed him this post. We agree there was a lack of communication between us.”

“Apparently, they asked him a few times about bringing the kids, and with just 2 weeks before the day and how stressed we already were, he gave them the OK without telling me first.”

“We talked it out and he told me his sisters already gave him hell for allowing other kids but not theirs. We asked his friends if they would like to go out with us.”

“His friends accepted, but then asked if they could bring the children. We declined and our conversation ended there.”

“Husband and I are still very much on good terms, and already working on communicating better. Thanks everyone for your insight!”

It is a rare situation that our posters actually resolve the situation in real time, but when they do, it’s nice to see it take the most productive course.

Written by Mike Walsh

Mike is a writer, dancer, actor, and singer who recently graduated with his MFA from Columbia University. Mike's daily ambitions are to meet new dogs and make new puns on a daily basis. Follow him on Twitter and Instagram @mikerowavables.