When staying in someone's house, it is important to follow their house rules.
Even if they are a far cry from what you're used to, and you would run your home completely differently, they likely have them for a reason.
Making it all the more important that you follow them, particularly since they were generous enough to open their home to you in the first place.
Redditor Far_Muscle_4268 was happy to host their brother and sister-in-law at their house when they came for a visit.
Things sadly took a turn for the worse, however, when the original poster (OP)'s guests, didn't follow their instructions, leading to an unfortunate situation within the house.
As a result, the OP's brother and sister-in-law grudgingly took up accommodation at a hotel.
Wondering if they could have handled the situation better, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for forcing my guests to move to a hotel after they refused to use the bidet?"
The OP explained that the plumbing in their house was problematic, resulting in their finding a solution to this problem.
"I live in a country with terrible plumbing."
"If you flush toilet paper you are pretty much guaranteed to back up your toilet."
"I grew up in Colorado so I know how weird it is to wipe after a dump and then put the paper in a garbage can instead of just flushing it."
"So I installed a wand bidet in all three washrooms in my retirement house."
"So after you poop, you just spray your backside down nice and clean."
"Then you use the toilet paper to dry your butthole."
"Nice, simple, and less gross in my opinion."
"I wish I had these when I lived in the states."
While the OP shared this process with their brother and sister-in-law when they came for a visit, they chose to ignore their instructions, resulting in their needing to find alternate accommodations.
"So my brother and his wife came down for a visit."
"I told them the rules for the bathroom and they both said that they understood."
"Apparently not."
"They clogged the two public bathrooms the first day."
"Then they asked to use the one in my room."
"Nope that's mine."
"They asked me where they were supposed to go to the bathroom."
"I pointed them to the clogged ones and offered them a plunger and a drain snake."
"They said I was the host and it was my responsibility."
"I laughed in their faces."
"So they packed up and left."
"They found a hotel and now they are on social media complaining about the sh*thole country I chose to retire to and calling me a terrible host for inviting them down but not letting them use my bathroom."
"I posted pictures of my bathrooms after they clogged them and asked if they knew who did that to my home?"
"They called me gross and immature for talking about their bathroom habits."
"I'm lost."
"They brought it up first."
"Anyways they are calling me an a-hole because they are having to spend money on a hotel when I live in a really nice house with guest rooms."
"But now everyone who knows the bathroom rules for down here is calling them idiots for not using the bidet or putting the toilet paper in the receptacle."
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for forcing their brother and sister-in-law to de-clog their toilets.
Everyone agreed that since the OP's guests chose to ignore their explicit instructions, the very least they could have done was to clear out the toilets, while also pointing out that it was their choice to leave the OP's home, and they were in no way forced out.
"NTA."
"The responsibility to unclog the toilet falls on the person who clogged it, not the host."-AmazingAmiria
"OP, I loved your response to their sh*tty behavior."
"In fact, if anything, I think you were a wee bit too nice."
"No. 1, yes, they brought up their bathroom habits first so holding that against you is tissue thin."
"No. 2, they can't possibly think it's your responsibility to clean up their crap."
"NTA."- The_Blonde1
"NTA."
"They created the problem by ignoring OP and then publicly whining about it and playing victim blew up in their face."
"Did they think they had magic sh*t that miraculously wouldn't clog the potty?"
"Not sure what they were expecting here."- ABeerAndABook
"NTA."
"Those two are just so full of sh*t."- RighteousVengeance
"While posting pictures wasn't nice, I did laugh though, I say NTA for the rest."
"As a guest, I would be mortified to clog your toilet and I would not allow you to plunge my mess!"
"I guess I am a good guest."- Emptydata_Enzo
"NTA."
"And I like your style of fighting back haha."
"You sound like you've got everything all figured out already."- namesaretoohardforme
"NTA."
"Have they clogged the hotel's toilets yet?"- bathsaltsforbrekfast
"NTA I went to Greece and was nicely told:"
"Put the present in the pot and the wrapper in the bin."
"Know what I did?"
"I put the present in the pot and put the wrapper in the bin."- sinkydoodles
"Look man if you didn't offer them your poop knife this one's on you."- TTPete
"NTA and I love that you called them out."- MrsSophiaBrown
"NTA."
"Insanely disrespectful to go to anyone's home and do whatever the hell you want, whether in the bathroom or not."
"You were clear, explained things to them and they just ignored you and did whatever pleased them."- Stealthoneill
"NTA."
"It's appalling that they are unable to understand simple request and why it is requested, and on top of everything."
"A very normal alternative was provided."- Dry-Comment-6889
"You behaved reasonably."
"I did part of my degree course in a country with similar plumbing."
"The bathrooms in the student residence had open wastebaskets piled with s****y newspaper for the most part."
"There was a toilet paper shortage."
"Your bidet solution is a smart one."- PurpleAquilegia
"NTA."
"Bidets are awesome when you have a good one installed."
"Much cleaner and less wasteful with paper."
"You explained the rules and rationale and they brushed it off."
"Many Americans are not used to bidets and refuse to use them because they think they're gross."
"They need to get over it."
"It's a much better system."- Holmes221bBSt
"They are a-holes just for calling where you live a 'sh*thole country'."
"NTA."
"Where I live you can't throw tp in the toilet, and everybody uses the trash can."
"Bidets are really useful!"- Low-Song-7968
"The wash and wipe is the best of all options, hands down."
"It's certainly blowing things up to post pics of their clogged toilets, but I can't say they didn't deserve it."
"And you didn't make them move to a hotel."
"They did that themselves when they ignored the toilet rules and then refused to fix the mess they made."
"NTA."- Left-Car6520
"NTA."
"They knew the rules, they chose their path, now they can deal with it."- countingpickles
"NTA."
"lmao they clogged two toilets and are made you won't let me clog the third?"
"Even after being warned the toilet WILL clog if the tissue gets flushed but still did it a second time."
"The bidet is a nice happy middle ground and reasonable accommodation."
"You didn't make them take a squat in the yard and wipe up with leaves lol."- HunnBunn23
"NTA."
"You told them the rules and it is your home so your rules."
"I have been to countries in South America where you have to put the used toilet paper in the garbage can, even in hotels."
"Their plumbing is messed up there and the paper cannot flush properly."- Auntjenny48
"NTA."
"You offered them a solution."
"The idea that they get to walk in and ignore the rules and thrn shrug it off like 'it's your house' suggest that a hotel is exactly where they should be."
"They are horrible guests."- SJoyD
"NTA."
"But man it's so weird to read stories like this."
"In my country, everyone uses a butt wash hose so I can't fathom doodoo clogging the toilet."
"The closest would be if the poop floats and it takes more than one flushing and there too the butt wash hose helps to add more water and force it down."- BariumBromide2
"NTA."
"They knew the rules and choose to ignore."- National-Zombie3303
When given instructions that could affect the structure of a house, it is vitally important to listen to them.
As no guests should have damaging the home of their hosts riding on their conscience.
Something the OP's brother and sister-in-law will hopefully be mindful of next time they are invited to stay in someone's home.
One expects they might also be a bit more conscious of how much toilet paper they use going forward as well.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.