For some of us who struggle with food allergies, we really miss the foods that we used to be able to eat.
But if we’re going to occasionally indulge, we have to make sure we’re taking the necessary precautions, and that doesn’t mean expecting someone to take care of us, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor throwawaythepizzapie was furious when she discovered that her husband was intentionally only triggering his dairy allergy when she was going to be home from work, so she could take care of him.
When she was accused of neglect on her next day off work, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she should have played along.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for watching and doing nothing to help my husband when he was extremely ill?”
The OP’s husband had a serious food allergy.
“My (27 [female]) husband ‘Tim’ (36 [male]) has a serious dairy allergy.”
“I’m talking about an actual immune system reaction, not intolerance.”
“His allergy is serious enough to cause acute Enterocolitis, but he hasn’t needed an epi-pen since he was a kid.”
The OP also had very little time at home.
“I work full-time and also have some seasonal work this holiday season because Tim has been without work, and money has been very tight.”
“As a result, I barely get to rest.”
“The holidays are especially hard, and I found myself getting just one day off every 2 weeks for almost 2 months straight.”
“As you can imagine, that day off means the universe to me.”
These two issues seemed to overlap.
“Now, Tim LOVES dairy, and will sometimes intentionally eat things which trigger his allergy.”
“Lately, it’s gotten out of hand, with him going from one risky meal every 4-6 months, to every 2 or so weeks.”
“In fact, it always seemed to coincidentally line up with my time off, and I found myself spending my one day off taking care of him.”
“Last week, I finally asked him if he was intentionally timing it to line up with my day off.”
“I fully expected him to say no, but he admitted that he was doing it to make sure that he’d have a nurse, and so he’d have someone close by in case he had an especially adverse reaction and needed a hospital.”
“I was livid and told him that he was selfish, robbing me of my rest.”
“I said that if he made himself sick again, I wouldn’t take care of him. I’m exhausted and I need to decompress.”
“He didn’t say much, so I thought he’d heard me.”
According to the OP’s next day off, Tim didn’t hear her.
“Fast-forward to Friday night. I got home from work, and a few minutes in, Tim got a pizza delivered.”
“I asked him why, when I was making dinner and he shrugged.”
“I asked if a large garlic Alfredo pizza is worth the pain, and reminded him that I won’t be giving up my rest day again.”
“He smirked and ate an entire slice while grinning at me. I left it at that and went back to my dinner.”
“Predictably, he got sick, profusely vomiting, retching, and groaning from the intense cramping and diarrhea.”
“I slept in the guest room to get away from the sound and smell.”
“He called for me several times and I repeatedly told him no.”
“Hours later, he was still sick and woke me up at the crack of dawn to go get him Pedialyte and meds because he was very dehydrated and still in pain.”
“I told him to order it in and asked him to get out and let me sleep.”
Tim called the OP out.
“He was still whimpering when I eventually got up to shower and eat. Again, I did nothing to help or comfort him.”
“By evening, he was sulking, and by morning when I had to work, he was enraged.”
“He yelled, and by the end of the day, he’d told our friends and family that he nearly died and I neglected him.”
“His family accused me of passively trying to kill him.”
“His mom called, shouting that he could’ve had a life-threatening reaction due to my petty actions, and that I’m a s**t wife for not minding his health.”
“I’m starting to feel guilty because she’s right and he could’ve been seriously hurt.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said Tim was selfish to not want to spend quality time with his wife.
“NTA. You’d think on your only day off he would want to spend some actual time with you and not puking and crapping all day.”
“I hope it was a wake-up call to him. Next time he eats that pizza smiling, grab your phone and take a video to send to his mom to let her know he’s going to need her assistance tomorrow.” – MongooseAdvanced5301
“Instead of actually hanging out with you on your one day off, he’s giving himself the s**ts and expecting you to baby him.”
“I’m sure your husband has some redeeming qualities, but right now, he sucks… and so does his family.”
“I hope you get some good rest on your next day off. Maybe treat yourself to a day of doing your favorite thing away from home.”
“Sorry your husband is being so selfish. Definitely NTA.” – theplantmurderer
“This is a bright as a fire red flag, OP. He is using his allergy to control what you do on your day off.”
“The next time he does this to line up with your day off, drive him to his mother’s house since she thinks you are not caring for him.”
“You are the one doing ALL the work out of the house. Is he helping keep the house cleaned or do anything?” – princessalways18
“If I were OP, this would be a wake-up call for me. Knowing my SO purposefully would rather have me slave away at his bedside instead of, I don’t know, trying to pamper me a little (or at least give me some peace and quiet) on my one rest day is a dealbreaker.”
“Nah man, that would be it for me. Let’s not forget that OP’s grinding her a** off because her good-for-nothing husband doesn’t have a job.” – Trick_Literature_
Others agreed and found Tim’s behaviors disturbing.
“You said, ‘He smirked and ate an entire slice while grinning at me.'”
“The dude knows exactly what he was doing. He wasn’t forced to eat the pizza or forgot about his allergy – he did it on purpose to try and trick OP into caring for him on her one off day.”
“He triggered it deliberately – his illness is nothing more than a manipulative attempt to force OP to baby him.”
“This man is willing to risk his own life so he could force his wife to spend her break on him. That’s so immature, manipulative and frankly disturbing.” – GoodGirlsGrace
“This disordered eating hints that his judgment is long since compromised, and as such, OP may consider progressing from a place of an intervention instead.”
“This suggestion is a solid middle ground, because she isn’t enabling his behavior, sacrificing her off days, and she doesn’t have to suffer the guilt of watching her dumb-as-a-door partner kill himself with pizza.”
“OP is also NTA for putting her foot down.” – MouseCloudess
“Either he’s mentally unwell to the point of self-harm and needs immediate help, or he’s just using his health issue to manipulate you and he’s abusive.”
“There are half a dozen red flags in your post at least.”
“In either case, this behavior needs to stop now. Even if it’s due to a mental health issue, that’s no excuse to mistreat you. A lot of people avoid treatment until it’s affecting their spouse so badly they are given an ultimatum, get healthy or GTFO (get the f**k out).”
“You are not a stress ball for his mental health issues.” – bigmonmulgrew
Because of the accusations she received, the OP was feeling guilty for how she handled the situation. Admittedly, the subReddit understood why, but they still felt she performed that way for good reason.
With only one day off every two weeks, it’s undeniable that the OP would need to rest. On top of that, this is a married couple. It seems like it would be more important to spend time together, rather than on opposite sides of a bathroom door.