Cemeteries have different meanings to everyone.
Beyond being a place where the deceased are buried, people view them as a place to honor their loved ones.
Some people have superstitious views of cemeteries, and often find themselves going there to put their theories, and often their fears, to the test.
For some people, however, a cemetery is simply an unavoidable destination on their way home or their way to work.
Redditor Karl_Marxist_3rd recently found themself in a cemetery largely by coincidence, and felt it was a good opportunity to finally get to something they'd been meaning to do for a while.
Unfortunately, the original poster OP's behavior was met with disapproval by a passerby, calling the OP "disrespectful".
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for eating a croissant in a cemetery?"
The OP explained why their brief pause in a cemetery was met with disapproval by another visitor:
"I had a doctor's appointment today and they told me to not eat or drink anything before it."
"Once I got out, I was starving and pretty thirsty, so I went to a supermarket, grabbed a croissaint and a bottle of store brand cola and went to look for somewhere to sit down."
"The nearest spot I could find that wasn't directly by a busy road was a cemetery."
"So I went in, walked to some benches and sat down."
"I had almost finished eating when a woman, maybe in her 70s, walked past me and asked who I was visiting if I didn't mind the question."
"I said I was just eating somewhere quiet, which surprised her."
"She then told me that I should be ashamed to be so disrespectful and left."
"I finished eating and drinking before leaving."
"I can see where she was coming from and it's possible she was grieving and looking for solidarity, but also I was just eating and it was the closest spot."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Everyone agreed that the OP was simply finding A quiet place to sit and eat, and wasn't desecrating a grave or disrespecting the deceased:
"My sister died soon after we got out of college, and she was buried at Hollywood Cemetery (historic cemetery in Richmond, VA)."
"At first I was angry and horrified to see people casually strolling around, walking their dogs, taking pictures, laughing and talking, and generally treating this place of grief like it was a public park - but then I realized how incredibly lovely it actually is that there’s beauty and life there, it’s not just a cold place for sadness."
"It sounds like the lady OP spoke with is still very deep in grief."
"If I were buried somewhere and someone sat down near my headstone to munch on a croissant, I think I’d be happy for them that they got to enjoy their snack in peace."
"NTA."- Vannie91
"NTA."
"Very old-fashioned of you to treat a cemetery as a public park."
"Back in the day, they were a popular spot for picnics."
"You don’t have to have a personal relationship with the dead to be in a place dedicated to remembering them."- tardytimetraveler
"NTA as long as you weren't littering or anything."
"She should have minded her business."- NewDate6115
"I suppose it may be different in different places, but I'm in Boston, which has the first combination public garden/cemetery in the United States, and cemeteries since then have been usually designed on the same plan."
"Most cemeteries nowadays are a combination of dead people storage and public green space."
"If the one you were at is like that."
"NTA."- IanDOsmond
"NTA."
"Traditionally cemetery’s were one of the few green spaces in the city, as a result many people used to go there to play and have a picnic in."- A_Literal_Fruit_5369
"As long as you weren't taking a shit on somebody's grave or dancing naked around the columbarium, but simply sitting quietly and eating your croissant, there was nothing disrespectful about what you were doing."
"I'm in my 70s, and I don't know what the old bat's problem was."
"But she was completely out of place."
"I'm sure she would have been horrified if she had been there the time my family visited our mother's grave and drank champagne."
"A glass of champagne may have been spilled so that Mom could have some too."
"NTA."- TararaBoomDA
"NTA."
"Old lady needs to mind her business, you did nothing disrespectful."
"I've seen families have full picnics at the cemetery while visiting loved ones."
"There's nothing wrong with eating peacefully at a cemetery."- somerandomshmo
"NTA."
"My family goes on walks through the cemetery next door on nice afternoons."
"We see people picnicking at gravesites, dudes drinking beer with long-gone friends, and people walking on the trails all the time As long as you aren’t disruptive and bothering other people you’re fine."- One-Permission-1811
"NTA I'm sure those that are dead enjoyed the company."- PrincessMo
"NTA, when my wife and I moved to the Philippines, one of the first parties we went to was at a cemetery."
"In the Philippines, it's tradition to bring food, tables, and chairs to the cemetery and set up next to a loved one's grave and eat."
"So as long as you are respectful, it shouldn't be a problem."
"That old lady was just a prude."- The-Forsaken-Outcast
"NTA."
"There’s nothing disrespectful about eating a croissant in a cemetery."- UngnomeCawler
"Absolutely NTA."
"I've lived in very close proximity to both a cemetery and a graveyard in my life."
"The cemetery was huge."
"Like, had its own huge postcode."
"It was regularly used as just somewhere to go for a walk, I had a family friend who was learning to drive there and knocked over a very old gravestone, most things were fair game, I'm pretty sure one of my sisters gave her first BF a BJ there."
"Right now I live 10 minutes' walk from a graveyard."
"Very, very old, attached to a still active church, and right next to a popular dog park (separated by a 2.5-3m wall)."
"List of things that a graveyard is used for:"
"On-leash walking away from the main park that can get a bit crowded with excited dogs."
"People find a quiet place where they can get drunk (especially underage)."
"People just taking a casual walk."
"Weekly AA meeting (really absurd the first time I went to it but kinda cool)."
"Checking out historical tombstones."
"People having English-speaking conversation meetings to help learn English."
"Fundraising stalls on weekends."
"Unless you're actively vandalizing, leaving rubbish around, answering the call of nature on a gravesite, you're all good."-chalk_in_boots
"NTA."
"In Australia, cemeteries also get used as parks."
"People walk dogs, toddlers ride bikes, people sit and enjoy the peaceful surroundings."
"There's even one cemetery that occasionally has criterium races for the local cycle club."
"Cemeteries are mostly multi-denominational and non-denominational."- AussieKoala-2795
"NTA."
"I think the buried would like some company."- yogginggirl
"NTA."
"The Victorians used to spend their Sundays wandering the cemeteries and eating picnic lunches."
"Cemeteries are for leisure time."- No-Housing-5124
"NTA."
"Cemetery was one of the few green spaces I had easy access to as a kid."
"It's not like you were throwing a party."
"I guess I'd just not answer next time."
"In fact for all she knows you were visiting someone and just didn't want to say."- Character-Twist-1409
"NTA."
"She doesn’t get to dictate use of the bench."
"Also, it was none of her business for asking."- United-Loss4914
"NTA."
"If you were sitting there quietly, you weren't being disrespectful."
"Lots of people go to cemeteries for the quietness, and even to walk their dogs."- No_Difficulty_9365
"NTA."
"You weren't desecrating a grave."- Anxious_Reporter_601
"NTA."
"My dad is buried in the Catholic section of the smallish cemetery in our village."
"We often talk about how nice it is that he's surrounded by his old friends, and when we go up there, we stop and have a think about them too."
"I hope maybe that happens for your grandpa, if he's in a cemetery where other people who knew him may visit."- Classroom_Visual
There were a few, however, who wondered if the woman's grief might have taken over her emotions, even if they still agreed the OP did nothing wrong:
"It’s a beautiful perspective, but it also perfectly explains why NAH (No A**holes Here) might apply to the grieving lady, even if OP is solidly NTA."
"When grief is raw and fresh, seeing the rest of the world continue to function 'normally' (like eating a pastry) feels inherently offensive."
"It's just a sad collision of two completely different emotional states."- RoosterSubstantial75
There is one thing everyone in a cemetery, be it permanently or passing through, is looking for.
A little peace and quiet
Something this passing stranger refused to allow the OP to have.
Leaving one to reconsider who was being disrespectful in this situation.
Unless it really was the grief talking.
