Public interactions have their own set of rules. Reasonable requests that are asked politely should be honored, within reason.
But Redditor gotmymasters was asked to do something simple and refused. The original poster (OP) felt it was an unreasonable request and didn't want to move.
The person who asked and her friends commented that OP was "a jerk" for refusing as they walked off. This got OP wondering if they should have gone about things differently or maybe even done as requested.
To figure it out, OP asked the "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) subReddit about what went down.
Why would OP think they did something wrong?
"AITA for not giving up my treadmill for three friends who wanted to use three of them right next to each other"
It sounds like a reasonable request.
"To put things in to perspective my uni's gym gym has 8 treadmills. There are two together at one end of the gym and the rest are all in their own line. However in the line of six the second and the five treadmill are out of order"
"I was on a treadmill at the gym today when a woman approached me and said 'hey I need that treadmill'. I was on third treadmill in the row."
"When the woman said this I noticed two other women getting on the fourth and fifth treadmills and every other treadmill was free so it wasn't like I was jogging a machine or anything."
"So I said, 'uh why? There are open treadmills…' she replied 'yeah but YOU are on the one next to my friends.'"
"I replied, 'and?' And she said 'I came here to work out with my friends. I'm not going to be on a treadmill that isn't next to my friends, so I'm asking that you please move to a different treadmill so I can be with my friends'"
"I replied, 'and I'm Declining to move' The woman then said, 'but like you said there are other machines open so like you can move to another one, I don't see why you are making this an issue.'"
"So I said , 'you are the one making this an issue. I'm in the middle of my workout and have no obligation to move. I was here first and I said no. I'm not moving.'"
"The woman said to her friends, 'this isr worth it, I'm leaving.' The other women stopped their work out and got off the treadmill and started to follow their friend."
"One of them looked back at me said to the other, 'wow what a jerk'"
"I don't think I was being rude or unreadable. Was i?"
OP didn't think they should have to move. There were other treadmills available and they were in the middle of their workout. But the woman reacted to badly, OP is questioning.
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP for not giving up their treadmill when asked by another gym goer by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You're the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
While the gym goer gave her reasons to ask OP to move, OP had no obligation to comply. The woman could have been nicer in how she asked too.
OP was in the middle of their workout. The woman could have waited or just used another machine.
The board agreed that OP had no reason to honor the request if they didn't want to.
"NTA at all. She didn't ask nicely at all. She demanded. The entitlement is huge. If she tries this again, report her to the folks at the gym." - panic_bread
"Yeah seriously, if she had come up and said 'hey sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if we could swap places, cos I'd really like to work out with my friends,' then maybe OP would've been more inclined to agree."
"OP still wouldn't have been the AH to decline, but a little bit of politeness goes a hell of a long way. NTA." - imamage_fightme
"Polite or not, its rude as hell to ask someone to stop their workout so you can walk with your friends. If she actually worked out, ever, she would know that."
"Once you're at that heart rate, to have to stop and move bc some random girls wants to walk with her friends... >:/ I would be mad and no matter how polite your were to me, I wouldn't move."
"She's an AH for even asking. OP, NTA." - SnooSketches4973
"Not an AH for asking at all. If she politely asked, and op refused, then neither would've been the asshole."
"There's nothing wrong with making a polite request" - sunsetskye_
"NTA- they are lucky there was even 3 available machines anywhere in the gym. It's super rare to get to be with your friends at any gym I have ever been in."
"But holy entitlement…. Like you would just stop mid workout to accommodate someone who can't be 5 feet away from their friend" - bitchy_badger
"NTA. She may have 'asked' you to move, but the way she did it was very snotty and entitled. I'm willing to bet that if she had asked nicely you might have considered moving for her."
"Even if you wouldn't have thought about it (since you were in the middle of your workout), you still don't have an obligation to move." - Cali_Macchiato
There's a lot that can be asked about this situation. Would OP have moved if the woman had been nicer about her request? Is there a suitable explanation for the woman?
But more than anything, people had to ask why she bothered asking in the first place. It's a generally understood expectation at gyms that you let the person finish their workout on the equipment you want to use.
Maybe if they're being excessive in its use, you might speak up, but you should give them a chance to finish first.
"I mean . . . who goes to the gym to be social with their friends on a treadmill? Cardio gets your heart rate up."
"Kinda hard to catch up on gossip if you're doing it right, because you're breathing heavier and can't carry on a conversation."
"Even aside from that, it's rude not to ask but demand an occupied machine. You wait, you come back later, or you find something else to do."
"NTA" - SamW20910
"Also treadmills can be a little noisy and given the typical distance between them in most gyms I've been in they would likely have to talk quite loudly to carry their conversation and hogging 3 machines to jog and chat loudly (since op said the other two started jogging so if they were jogging) would not only leave 3 machines closed to other patrons for an indeterminate length of time."
"It would also be annoying for other gym goers to potentially listen to. Especially in a university gym which likely isn't nearly as large as other gyms since...ya know."
"The gym isnt the primary part of an educational institution. Though ig it would depend just how big said uni is."
"Since they wanted to go on 3 treadmills and just left rather than doing any other workouts anywhere else that tells me jogging was their only plan. And from my own university experience, my old uni gym placed time limits on machines to some degree so other people would have a chance to use them due to the limited amount of machines (especially when others were out of order)."
"So if someone wanted a treadmill and those 3 had been on them for a while and the others had wound up being filled, i can't imagine how they'd react to being told they went over a time limit in place to allow other students use of facilities. Probably the same as they treated OP" - meliocoilean
"I was surprised I had to scroll down so far to see this. Treadmills are spaced pretty far apart even at all the small gyms I've been to - to give people space to dismount from them on either side - so three women on three adjacent treadmills would have to talk pretty loudly to keep up a conversation, disrupting everyone else in the gym."
"I'm not a Silence-Please kind of gym person, but there's a line!"
"Also...universities can absolutely have large gyms. Some have more than one!"
"I've worked at two D1 schools. Private U had a beautiful brand new sports complex with a multi-level gym that all of the students and faculty/staff could use, plus a few satellite gyms in some residence halls."
"Big State U had 2-3 gigantic gyms plus several additional smaller gyms, athletic centers, training centers, pools, dance studios, etc. etc. scattered across campus."
"It was kind of insane. (Now, my DIII undergrad college had a woeful fitness center.)" - roseofjuly
OP shouldn't feel bad about refusing the woman's request. It wasn't reasonable, nor was it even asked politely.
If anything the woman should be ashamed for interrupting someone else's workout just to be rude.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.