Whether they be a lifelong friend or a stranger picked up from an advertisement, sharing a home with a roommate is always bound to be challenging.
Differences are bound to arise, such as working hours, standards of cleanliness, and what is considered a reasonable amount of time to use the bathroom and/or kitchen.
However, all roommates tend to put their differences aside and divide them evenly when it comes to household expenses.
In most situations, that is.
Redditor ghostinthehalll found himself increasingly frustrated with his roommate for always being the one buying communal items.
A problem that eventually took its toll on the original poster (OP)'s finances.
Having finally had enough, the OP felt he had come up with the perfect solution to this ongoing problem.
Having doubts about how fair this solution was, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for buying household items and keeping them in my room?"
The OP explained why he found himself in a less-than-sharing mood with his roommate:
"Ever since I (22 M[ale]) moved in with my roommate (32 M[ale]), I have been the only one buying TP, trash bags, paper towels, hand soap, condiments and basically everything considering communal in a roommate situation."
"I am also the only one who ever cleans (mops, sweeps, cleaning the tub, toilet, kitchen and the dishes) but that's a bit besides the point."
"I've hit a bit of a financial tight spot and could only really afford rent, groceries and my phone bill and we ran out of toilet paper and trash bags for a week and he never bought more."
"Don't ask me what I had to do; it was horrific, but I didn't have the cash to buy what we needed."
"Theres no possible way he didn't notice and the moment I could I bought more toilet paper but couldn't get trash bags and so he just kept adding to an overflowing trash can and letting stuff just fall onto the floor."
"I am now out of that spot, and I've bought what we f*cking needed, but I'm genuinely considering taking the trash bags, TP, and paper towels out of the communal spaces and just keeping them in my room because I'm tired of being the only f*cking person contributing to this household."
"He works from home (he's a streamer), and all he does all day is sit on the couch and get high and blast music and TikToks over his speaker and then play video games until 4 am on Youtube or something."
"There's no excuse for him not cleaning or noticing we need stuff."
"Would I be the a-hole if I started keeping the TP and trash bags and what not that I buy in my room?"
Fellow. Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP would not be the a**hole for keeping toilet paper in his room, away from his roommate.
Everyone agreed that the OP's roommate needed to start pulling his weight, even if some felt it would be in the OP's best interests to tell his roommate flat-out that he needed to start buying supplies. But some think that the wisest thing for the OP to do was move out.
"NTA, but you need to TELL HIM TO BUY STUFF."
"Stop being so passive."- DecemberViolet1984
"NTA."
"You're not his maid or his personal supply closet."
"If he can't be bothered to contribute, he can deal with the consequences. Keep your stuff in your room and let him figure it out like an adult!"- Younggod9
"NTA."
"Keep it in your room and lock the door any time you leave."
"You're paying for these items and don't have to share them."
"Your roommate is a mooch and depends upon you buying things so he can use them."
"He can afford his weed, so he can definitely afford toilet paper, you know?"
"He may have a stash of paper goods in his room anyway, and you just don't know about it."
"The cleaning thing he relies on you too-he knows if he leaves it long enough, you'll get sick of it and clean up after him."
"I don't think there is an answer to that, unfortunately, other than moving out or getting a different roommate."
"You'd like to think a 32 yo would be mature enough to handle these responsibilities but, here we are!"- mumtaz2004
"NTA."
"You'd think a 32-year-old man would know better."
"How gross."- thickhipstightlips
"NTA."
"But why you still living with this cheap slob?"
"Keep everything under lock and key."
"Don't hold your breath for him to start buying the supplies."- mimianders
"NTA."
"But I can't help but notice that at no point in this story did you mention talking to him about it, so I assume you didn't."
"Open communication is key in communal living situations."
"Yes, it's stupid, but have a conversation."
"Being passive aggressive is not going to make things better, and before you know it, you'll just be counting the days until your lease ends."
"Welcome to adulting."- thirdelevator
"NTA."
"Just buy stuff for yourself and keep it locked in your room."
"He definitely knows he's not contributing but is hoping you'll keep buying everything and paying for it so he doesn't have to."
"Try and move out when your lease is up."- Unhappy-Prune-9914
"NTA."
"I wonder if he's keeping TP in his room and taking it with him each trip, cause what did he wipe his bootyhole with for a week."- AdLucky50
"NTA!!!"
"I can't believe you haven't already done this after the first time you realized you were the only one buying these necessities!"
"Did you ever talk to him about it?"
"Ideally, after the first time you bought and it ran out?"
"In any case, if he is not sharing the cost, you have every right to keep it locked away in your room."
"Also, move as fast as you can."
"If he is not contributing like any normal human would and should in a shared environment (cleaning etc), he is just taking advantage of you, and his actions prove he will not change."
"If you cannot move for any reason, sit and talk."
"Have a friendly observer present if you find this difficult to do on your own."
"Maybe make a chore schedule."
"I have had to tell my hubby once in a while to empty the trash, as I seem to see it quicker than he does (ha!) but he never lets it get to overflowing, that is just unacceptable."- smileyclaudi
"NTA."
"Keep them in your room and move out when you can!"- LowBalance4404
"I'd be asking for his share of what you've paid so far."
"He can buy the tp from you, and you should make money from it."
"But I wouldn't continue to live with someone this selfish because they'll be totally comfortable not washing their hands and just getting you sick."
"NTA."- NinjaHidingintheOpen
"Sounds like an uncomfortable, stressful way to live."
"Have you talked to him about this?"
"Suggest starting a joint fund for household expenses."
"Or say, 'I've paid for the last xx months of things, you need to pay for the next xx months'."
'If he agrees but doesn't take action, buy it yourself and when you demand payment, tack on a $25 inconvenience fee for your time and gas."
"If he disagrees, absolutely keep everything locked in your room."
"NTA."- Majestic_Register346
"Have you TOLD him to buy that stuff?"
"No, you shouldn't have to say it, but some people are stupid about these things."
"Sit him down and tell him he either needs to buy a share of all that or give you money for them as you're the only one paying for them."
"Sort out a cleaning schedule too while you are at it."
"If that doesn't work, definitely keep the stuff in your room."
"NTA unless you don't talk to him."- Rare_Sugar_7927
"Obviously NTA, but I'm curious if you've actually sat down and said to him, 'hey mate, how are we going to split the housework and bills for common groceries?'"
"'I think it makes more sense to just go halves on the cost for common things like TP, cleaning products, paper towel etc but happy if you want to buy your own'."
"'Let me know what you think'."- wrenwynn
It's pretty surprising that a 32-year-old man doesn't give a second thought to the fact that his 22-year-old roommate is not only doing all the cleaning but also buying all the toilet paper and trash bags.
Not nearly as shocking as the fact that he hasn't seemed to address the lack of toilet paper or trash bags in their home.
With this in mind, one can't help but wonder if hiding toilet paper from his roommate is the best solution to his problems,
Perhaps he might be better off moving out completely...
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.