The wedding industry is undeniably huge, but wedding culture doesn't start at the wedding. It starts at the proposal and the growing need to make proposals as monumental and memorable as possible.
For some proposals, the location and added features are practically more important than the relationship the proposal is centered around, cringed the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
While hiking, Redditor No_Resolution_4132 was recently asked to move from the spot they were resting at for a couple to have their special proposal moment be captured.
But when the Original Poster (OP) refused to move, they were surprised to be accused of ruining the whole day for the couple.
They asked the sub:
"AITA for not moving from a spot someone wanted to propose on?"
The OP enjoyed doing solo hiking and picnicking trips.
"One of my hobbies is to go hiking and eat a very large meal while sitting down. Basically a picnic for me. I bring a blanket and anything else I might need for an hour-long experience."
"This past Monday, I was up at a new area I'd never been to."
"I brought my large meal with me and set up in a very gorgeous area with a great view of the lake."
There was a surprising interruption during the latest hike.
"I was about five minutes into my ritual when this guy with a camera came and told me that a couple was coming up to do a proposal on this very spot and asked me to move."
"I told him no and that I'd barely gotten set up and I was in the middle of my meal."
"He got annoyed and asked again, but I told him no."
"A few minutes later, the photographer returned with the guy who was going to propose. The guy proposing asked me this time."
"I just told him no and that he could wait."
"He asked me what the f**k was wrong with me."
"I told him that I was eating my meal."
"He started yelling at me to get the f**k out of the way, but I put on my headphones and just continued eating. After a while, he left me alone."
The proposal ended up happening somewhere else.
"After I felt satisfied with the meal, I packed up and was heading down the mountain."
"The three were waiting at another spot. The men pointed me out, and the lady started yelling at me that I ruined her day and that the proposal happened elsewhere instead of the spot I was in."
"I just smiled and said, 'Congrats on your proposal,' and kept walking."
"When I got back home, this came up, and I told my boyfriend about it. He straight-up said it was an a**hole thing to do."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought it wasn't asking much for the OP to move for the special moment.
"I can't understand not 'inconveniencing' myself long enough to let someone create a special memory. I would have loved to give the happy couple their first congratulations afterward." - DragonCelica
"For those who are upset with the bride yelling at the OP... It's possible that that spot has some significance to the couple, that they hike regularly, and that's a favorite spot on the trail for them or something. If that was the case, I could fully understand why he might feel the need to explain why he brought her on the trail and then chose somewhere else to propose." - JoulesMoose
"I would have happily packed up my things and scurried off. Maybe I would even be so fortunate as to find another spot where I could enjoy the scenery and unobtrusively see the proposal. Seeing people celebrate their love is beautiful, and I cannot imagine being so selfish that I would consider my picnic more important than that one special moment those two individuals were sharing." - Fresh_Preparation405
"Personally, I would've asked when it was happening. If the guy said five or ten minutes, I'd say sure thing. Let me move this out of the way. I'll just stay off to the side. It's not like some major inconvenience for OP."
"She sounds like a real peach with main character syndrome. She probably has a video post on IG where she tells this story while working out at the gym, and then calls some poor guy a creep for trying to ask her if he can pass by, and then gets angry after the guy walks through her shot when she wouldn't answer him." - imnicklehead
"Hiking out to cook using a camping kitchen or making a fire pit to cook with can be a hobby. Even picnicking is a hobby. They even have some crazy cool baskets you can get. Both need a good setup that takes a bit of space to utilize."
"Now, I have no idea what a 'large meal' while hiking that would take an hour to eat entails for setup. If it's anything like a picnic, as she's sort of described it to be, it can be a hobby."
"But that hobby shouldn't be done in a manner that gets in the way of others. I feel like she dropped her stuff right on a well-worn walking path with a small overlook people stopped to use for photos." - Nodbon1
"YTA. Good hikers share views and make space for people if it's not a major disruption. You could have made a small exception this once for a special occasion, but you refused because of a pretty silly and selfish principle." - JohnGradyBirdie
"OP is the AH. She's so selfish and couldn't share the space for this special moment for another person. If it were me, I'd say something like, 'Wow, great! I'm so excited for you guys. Good luck!' and move, but OP hogged the space just for their hobby that can be done anywhere and any time." - JubsJam
"I have a trail near my house that is part of a UNESCO world heritage site and has several famous views. In fact, I got married there. It's my happy place, and the hike has sentimental value to me. If someone informed me they were about to photograph a proposal at a spot that I was at, I would GLADLY move and spectate from a distance. Why? Because I am not the main character."
"Let people have their moments. I'm married and already have a ring on my finger, and I'm guessing OP is jealous and bitter that they don't, so it was satisfying for them to be in control of someone's happiness temporarily so they monopolized a public space just to themselves for an extended and unreasonable amount of time."
"The proposal would have probably taken ten seconds. The photographer didn't want to monopolize the site. That was all OP." - OptiMom1534
But others pointed out it was a public space for the OP to enjoy, too.
"Feeling satisfied from the meal... As in, your hunger is sated."
"In Europe, meal times are sacred, and asking someone to move their picnic spot in my country would be unfathomable." - Outrageous-Garlic-27
"They were asking someone to move from a public space, as well. OP is every bit as entitled to be there as the couple, etc."
"The girlfriend or fiancée in this is hilarious. Like, actually seeking out OP to tell them that they ruined her proposal, lol (laughing out loud)..." - CreativeBandicoot778
"I took the 'once I was satisfied' more as 'once I'd finished my meal' and not some power play to stick it to them, although they were very rude after being told no, so I could understand if OP took their time."
"I don't know how large an area OP took up, but sharing a spot means everyone gets to be there, not 'Get out, we need the spot to propose,' which is how most propping couples seem to think. Op is NTA." - NationalPreparation9
"I personally would've probably moved, but (if what OP says is true) after hearing the reaction of the people, they got what they deserved. I'd probably be pretty p**sed myself if someone didn't want to move, but I would still treat them normally. I would say that I am disappointed, but it's their right to be in that spot."
"And having your 'proposal ruined' by not having the 'perfect spot' sounds pretty immature to me anyway. But that's just me. Maybe ESH, maybe, but I wouldn't say OP alone is the a**hole." - Ikari1212
"If they got to the viewpoint and it was misty, would they rebook the photographer or just do the proposal elsewhere? There are a lot of variables when arranging something like that in public, and a person already being in that spot is one of them."
"The fiancée seems like she's angry about the proposal taking place elsewhere instead of being happy that she has agreed to be asked something momentous in her life."
"It's a shame that the place where he proposed is more important than the proposal. I hope they have a happy life, and to live it organically instead of perfectly." - Far_Preference5310
"Hiking etiquette is to share and collectively enjoy views... But they could have shared. They wanted OP to move, not to share. And: A polite request was answered with NO; that's no excuse to be impolite." - Aggressive-Mind-2085
"This is the most ridiculous thing I have read in a while. So, the OP went to a new spot they haven't been to and had their normal lunch routine, and people are assuming they went to this spot, knowing it was popular or that people propose there (like makeout point?) and purposely sat there having their lunch just to p**s people off and be happy about it? That's literally insane."
"OP was just having their meal and got yelled at by three strangers so, of course, they were happy to have p**sed them off because they were being rude little s**ts about public property that they didn't reserve." - Puzzled_Cockroach627
As much as everyone could appreciate a beautiful, memorable proposal, the subReddit was super divided over how everyone handled themselves in this situation.
For some, it would have been easy enough for the OP to move to a different location so the couple could have their moment. But for others, it couldn't have been that big of a problem for the photographer to angle the shots so that the OP wasn't in them or to edit them out later.
For something as important as a proposal, a slightly altered location shouldn't be enough to ruin the moment or an extra person being present.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.