Guns are of course one of the most divisive issues in our country, and people's feelings on them differ widely. While many feel their access to guns is sacrosanct, others feel unsafe in their presence.
For a guy on Reddit, this issue sparked drama between he and a houseguest, who felt threatened by the rifle he keeps in his house.
He wasn't sure about how he'd handled the situation, so he went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for perspective.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes RifleManThrowaway on the site, asked:
"AITA for refusing to get rid of my rifle?"
He explained:
"So, I (38M[ale]) recently took in my friend (30F[emale]) to live with me temporarily while she looks for another place since her house burnt down."
"Now for a little backstory."
"I myself have a rifle that I regurarly go to the range with and that has a lot of sentimental value to me for reasons that are unrelated to this post and that I'm too lazy to type out."
"My friend wasn't really aware of this since it never really came up, and I didn't think it was something that is important to mention, well, a couple days ago I went to the range and when I came back she asked we where I was."
"I told her that I was at the range, which surprised her, and she asked me if I could get rid of the gun temporarily by selling it and buying another one later. I said I can't, since it has a lot of sentimental value to me. I offered to disasemble it, making it harmless, if it'd make her feel safe, but she refused."
"She then said that she doesn't feel safe living with a gun in the house, and that I get rid of it or she will move. I told her I can't, so she lefr."
"Well, I have been getting messages from mutual friends that this was an a**hole move and that I can't possibly value the rifle over my friend."
"So, AITA?"
Redditors were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this situation based on the following categories:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
And though opinions on guns varied, most felt that OP's friend was asking way too much.
"NTA"
"It's your house. You are not shooting inside your house or being unsafe with the rifle. She can go live elsewhere." --Coco_Dirichlet
"OP should ask the friends which one's house he should help her move into, since they're so opinionated. I don't understand the entitlement to think someone has to change their life and sell their belongings while housing you for free long-term. It's a rifle, it's not going to randomly come beat her ass in the middle of the night." --AbsolutelyNotADemon
"Yeah I'm kinda against the whole gun thing but if my friend was nice enough to take me in the last thing I'd do is tell them what is acceptable in their own home. NTA op. Maybe just kick them out at this point." --aggravated-asphalt
"Their house that they were doing this friend the favor of letting them stay temporarily. Any item of sentimental value has more call to stay than a temporary guest."
"Agree, NTA." --seamuswasadog
"NTA. You offered to disassemble it, and that was kind of you . (While I'd require that for a child, an adult could just... not touch it?) . More than enough." --LeftWeather0
"NTA; it's awfully demanding of her to make this ultimatum. Especially after you offered to disassemble it. Let her go; you helped her out by giving her a place to live after her house burned down; she repays you by demanding you get rid of something that's doing her no harm." --Sad-Raise-754
"Exactly this. NTA & it was completely unreasonable of her to ask you to SELL the gun just because you were nice and let her stay temporarily at your house. I mean, damn. That's some bullsh*t." --Bookworm75
"I wouldn't be comfortable in a home with a loaded gun, and a reasonable request is to disassemble and lock away the gun."
"It is not reasonable to ask to sell the gun."
"I get it. Guns are scary. But disassembled its less dangerous than a fu*king kitchen knife." --xdragonteethstory
"NTA. Your house your rules. You were more than accommodating by offering to disassemble the rifle. She was completely out of line asking you to sell it, whether it has sentimental value or not. On the bright side, now you know who the assholes in your life are." --Chitundu
"NTA. As long as you are handling your rifle carefully and storing it appropriately, it doesn't affect her in the least. It's an inanimate object, so she doesn't have to worry that it will break out of its locked case and hunt her down." --soap---poisoning
"NTA... I'm not a fan of guns, wouldn't be comfortable having a loaded one around either, but if a friend wad kind enough to take me in after my house burned down I wouldn't care. Your friend is being totally unreasonable, you even offered the perfect compromise which was very kind of you, I wish I had a friend like you" --Dragons_2706
"Guns freak me out, but I still lived the first 20 odd years of my life in a house with multiple guns. The reason I was okay was because my father is a responsible gun owner, who keeps it all disassembled and in a gun safe. It would be different if there were children around and OP left a loaded gun on the wall, but thats not the case. NTA" --birchwtf
"NTA. You offered to disassemble it to render it harmless. If she doesn't want to live in the same house as guns, she needs to find somewhere else to stay, because she can't expect you to get rid of sentimental items to meet her standards." --TinyRascalSaurus
"You did her a favor, she gave you a silly ultimatum, you told her no. She valued getting her way over your friendship. NTA" --LordOfTheDrizzle
"NTA NOT EVEN SLIGHTLY AN A**HOLE. She has zero education on guns and gun safety and expected you to change for her insecurity and ignorance. Sge refused to consider your view at all. It became about her and how you need to accommodate her WHILE you were helping her out. She should have left. She and your friends are wrong and if they continue to judge and berate you for having a differing view, I'd reconsider their place in my life." --isabelrose9108
"NTA but she is. I am not a gun person myself but it is your house and you are an experienced gun owner. This woman is a guest in your home as you were gracious enough to take her in for an unknown time period. She does not then have a right to dictate to you that you have to get of your gun. You offered a reasonable compromise that she proceeded to reject. Let her find somewhere else to stay." --Avebury1
"NTA what a ridiculous thing to ask of someone who is kindly letting them stay. Sentimental value or not it was out of line for her to ask that of you. You tried to compromise, you shouldn't have to go beyond that." --Expialidociousya
"NTA"
"You let her into your home. You are not oligated to change what is in the home, nor how you run it for her. She is welcome to move elsewhere."
"Signed,"
"Not a gun enthusiast, but it's your house!" --Educational-Food-9471
"NTA and here's why:"
"You offered to disassemble the weapon and make it safe which was more than good enough."
"You are helping your friend out with living arrangements. If your friend doesn't want to live in a home with a rifle, that is entirely her prerogative. However she doesn't get to insist you sell the rifle to accommodate her needs. If she doesn't feel safe then the onus is on her to find alternative living accommodation. Not you to dispose of the rifle."
"You've done absolutely nothing wrong here so I would disregard the messages you've had from others. The dispute is also none of their business in any case." --A-Purple-Lagoon
"No, you are NTA. You took in your friend when her house burned down, (good for you), and she started making demands. She said she would move out if you did not meet her demands. You did not meet her demands-and she left."
"'Mutual friends' that want to weigh in on your lifestyle can take her in. She is a choosing beggar and is now she is not your problem." --LuvMeLongThyme
"OP even offered to dissemble it so even if she picked up rifle pieces there was 0 chance it would have fired. So he was open to a reasonable compromise to address safety concerns."
"I mean, if she was that worried about her safety, was he supposed to get rid of all sharp objects like cutlery and stick with plastic utensils, and buy pepper spray for her? Either she trusts him or she doesn't. Her voluntarily choosing to move is on her." --LilPanda20
Hopefully OP and his friend can find a way past this.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.