If any age-old clichés prove true more often than not, it's that you'll have tense relationships with your in-laws.
Some people are lucky and have relationships with their in-laws that are as good as, if not better than, their blood relations.
Others, however, are not so lucky, sometimes finding themselves saddled with in-laws who seem intent on creating conflict.
This often leads them to look for ways to avoid conflict whenever possible.
Redditor nachdenklich9 had a mother-in-law (MIL) who loved to gossip behind her back.
This made the original poster (OP) anxious about her upcoming visit, when she would be away on business.
As a result, the OP came up with a solution she felt would prevent her MIL from gossiping to, or prying information from, her housekeeper.
Unsure if this plan was fair, the OP took to the subReddit "Would I Be The A**Hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"WIBTA if I tell my housekeeper not come while I'm away from home so she won't have to meet my MIL?"
The OP explained why she was considering paying her housekeeper to stay out of the house for two weeks:
"I (32 F[emale) am married to my husband (35 M[ale]) for over a year now."
"Before getting married, we discussed how we are going to split our responsibilities, and we opted for a traditional setting."
"While we both have our own jobs, we decided that he would provide and I would take care of the house."
"And since I don't like doing chores."
"I hired a housekeeper who comes thrice a week."
"She takes care of the cleaning part and some of the cooking."
"But I still do most of the cooking since I like to eat fresh food and enjoy cooking."
"Next month I'm traveling abroad for a 2 weeks training and I thought to ask my housekeeper not to come (I would still pay her anyway)."
"The reason why I'm wanna do it is because my MIL (65 F[emale]) decided to come stay with my husband during that period (she wanted to, neither I nor my husband invited her)."
"My MIL is a retired woman."
"I don't trust her as person."
"She always tried to create problems between me and my husband."
"She didn't want him to marry me in the first place and she sabotaged our relationship for years before we finally got to get married."
"My husband and I have a full transparency policy, so I knew how she truly feels about me even if she never showed me her real face."
"My MIL is a very nosy person."
"She asks so many questions in so different ways to collect as much information as she can so she can use it against me."
"She also twists people's words so she can make her point."
"This even happened with my mom, when she innocently told her something."
"She twisted it and told it my husband to make him doubt me."
"She's already met my housekeeper and asked her some questions about me and my husband."
"She even gave her money behind my back after I told her not to."
"So since I'd be far far away from home, and since I want to have a peaceful mind, I'm considering telling my housekeeper not to come."
"Therefore my husband and his mom would be on their own, and his mom would have to take care of the house chores herself, which she already does by herself in her home."
"WIBTA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
The Reddit community vehemently agreed that the OP would not be the a**Hole for paying to keep her housekeeper out of the house.
Everyone agreed that the OP was essentially giving her housekeeper a paid vacation, and if anything, the OP shouldn't be paying her housekeeper to go away, but forcing her MIL to stay out:
"NTA."
"I’d absolutely pay her not to come."
"Be sure to hide or stash your important things or personal items you don’t want found or messed with by nosey MIL."-KingsRansom79
"NTA."
"Give your housekeeper a paid holiday and go to your training."
"If your husband and MIL don't want to clean, they can hire someone to fill in."
"You can just say that you are giving the housekeeper some well-deserved time off, and maybe suggest an agency to hire someone if they can't handle the housework for two weeks."- SavingsRhubarb8746
"NTA."
"It is your house, you employ the housekeeper, and you are continuing to pay her while you're away."
"Temporarily pausing her service to protect your personal privacy and prevent a hostile mother-in-law from digging for info or manipulating staff is a completely reasonable boundary."- Valorielle
"NTA."
"I'd be a lot more concerned about your MIL having unsupervised access to your home."
"Did she know you were traveling when she 'decided to invite herself?'"
"WAS she really uninvited, or did your husband agree 'to have his mom take care of him' while you're away?"
"Yes, he tells you about her tearing you down behind your back."
"When does he confront and shut down her campaign against you?"
"It sounds like he 'tries to make everyone happy' by not defending you against his mother, but saying to you he's 'on your side'."
"MIL needs an info diet."
"She shouldn't be told about plans that don't involve her before they already happen."
"I don't see how anything has changed in response to her intrusiveness and hostility towards you."
"I'd be more concerned about keeping your private things out of her reach for such a long time."
"It sounds like your husband doesn't hold boundaries with his mom to protect your peace and privacy in your marriage or your home."
"I appreciate not giving MIL access to taint the relationship with your housekeeper."
"MIL's previous intrusive behavior is the reason for that."- curious382
"NTA."
"I would give your cleaner the paid vacation, and that way MIL can also earn her keep and be the one to cook and clean for her precious son."
"She is coming uninvited, so why should she get to sit back and enjoy the paid amenities?"
"If the place ends up a hovel, they can both (your partner and his mom) suffer in it."
"I’d also make sure that anything you hold dear is locked away where she can’t get to it."
"She sounds the sort to 'accidentally' break something you love just to prove a point."
"I’d also make sure all your tech has passwords and all documents are locked away."- Responsible_Employ23
"NTA."
"Maybe ask the housekeeper to leave some prep meals for a few days if she doesn't mind doing it?"
"That way, your mother in law won't be able to criticize that you've left no food for your husband, how lucky he is she was there to take car of her baby."- Puzzleheaded-Salt278
"NTA."
"But tf is your MIL coming to babysit her grown a** son for?"
"I think the housekeeper is the least of your concerns, really."- Sapphyria
"NTA."
"No need to consider anyone else's feelings in this, if they are never respecting yours."
"Do whatever you think is best."
"Sounds like your husband needs to set some stricter boundaries with his mom if she still has this much influence in your lives."
"Also as your housekeeper, I would not want to be put in this situation at all."
"I'd happily take the paid vacation, no matter how much extra money the MIL would give me."- Fluffy_Optimist
"YWNBTA."
"Your husband and his gross mother can fend for themselves for a couple weeks."
"A cleaner is a privilege, not a right, and she hasn't earned the privilege."- Panaccolade
"NTA."
"In fact I think you would be a bit of an AH to the housekeeper if you forced her to deal with your MIL, she does not sound like a pleasant person to be around and the housekeeper should not be put in the middle of family drama like that."- StructEngineer91
"NTA."
"In a true traditional role he'd have to take care of himself if you're not home so the same can hold true here."- keesouth
"NTA."
"Nothing wrong with your plan at all."
"If you were doing the house cleaning yourself, of course your services would be gone if you went away."
"Right?"
"They'll be fine without her."- Sweet_Cinnabonn
"NTA."
"It's not that tough to take care of a house for two weeks."
"It's not like it'll go untended for a year."- Wonderful_Two_6710•
Seeing as the OP's MIL has already tried to manipulate her housekeeper, one can't blame the OP for wanting to keep them apart.
And the OP's housekeeper is grateful for the time off.
Sadly, it doesn't protect the OP from further salacious gossip from her MIL.
She needs to address this with her husband sooner rather than later.
