Labor shortages, as in my job openings than people to fill them have led a number of companies to offer referral bonuses to their existing employees.
An employee referral bonus is given to the current employee when they recruit a successful candidate from within their own network of friends, classmates, or family. Most require the recruit to successfully complete training and work for the company for a set period of time before any bonuses are issued.
Some bonuses are in the form of prizes or time off, but most are monetary. Some referral bonuses may be combined with a recruitment bonus for the new employee, but referral bonuses are always issued to the existing employee as an incentive for them to find suitable workers for their company.
One industry that has utilized both recruitment and referral bonuses is healthcare due to a shortage of nurses, doctors, medical technicians, and aides.
A nurse who referred a family member turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback after a dispute with the person she recruited.
Dropit-likeitshot asked:
"AITA for not giving my bonus to my brother-in-law?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I (28, female) have a brother-in-law (BIL) (30, male) who feels as though I'm being extremely unfair to him by not giving him my referral bonus."
"For context, him, my husband (32, male), and myself are all registered nurses. We live on the west coast and him the east coast."
"We all have done travel nursing contracts on and off over the last 6 years. My last recruiter was awesome, so I referred my BIL to her/the agency she works for."
"When I started with this company, my husband referred me. The company pays you $750 dollars after the nurse you referred has worked for 8 weeks. The person working also receives a smaller bonus of $250."
"Contracts are only 13 weeks. Travel nurses aren't long term employees, just temporary fixes to staffing shortages. You have the option to extend the contract if it's offered to you."
"West coast nurses make good money as both staff and travel. I think $750 is a fair bonus when the employment term is so short. Referrals for permanent staff are much higher."
"Many companies have incentives like this."
"Over the last few weeks, my BIL has been making comments over text and over the phone to my husband, saying things like 'send me that money when you get it'. Or 'let's split that bonus money'. He thinks it's my husband who is getting the bonus, but really it's me."
"I let my husband shut him down and deal with it, trying not to get involved. Things took a turn last Friday."
"Last Friday marked 8 weeks he's been working on contract for the company. He got his $250 so he knows the payment was made to my husband (me)."
"He started harassing my husband over text saying he deserves the money instead, because he's the one working. My husband told him to knock it off, and that I'm the one that got the bonus anyways."
"He started texting me saying he's owed this money, again saying he's the one that's working the contract not me. I told him no, and if I didn't refer him, he would have gotten no bonus at all, even if it is smaller.
"Like just be grateful for extra free money. But he kept on it, saying it's unfair."
"I told him this is just the way it goes. I made the company money for recruiting you, so I get paid more."
"It's not like I stole the money from him or anything. It was direct deposited to me."
"I stopped responding to his texts thinking that was the end of it."
"The next day, he started texting my husband telling him he needs to ditch me, I'm extremely toxic and entitled, I suck, and many more not very nice things. My husband of course got very mad and stuck up for me."
"He hasn't talked to either of us since."
"Now I'm starting to feel bad that this has caused a family fight and don't think money should come between family. But at the same time, you can't bully me into giving you something that's mine and treat me like garbage."
"I feel bad because I don't like when people fight. Especially family. I do not have biological siblings, so I'm unfamiliar with the true dynamics of sibling relationships and bonds when growing up in the same household."
"I don't have that attachment to someone else in that way, so I try not to overstep or get in the way. I don't ever want to be the reason others have a falling out."
"I never told my husband I should get his bonus, and I know my BIL wouldn't give it to me if it was the other way around."
"AITA for not caving?"
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
"Not giving someone money. Because it has caused a family fight with people not speaking to each other."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was
"Would he even have been offered the job at all without the referral? The reason companies offer referral bonuses is it lets the existing employees pre-select candidates who might be a good fit. Without your referral, not only might he be out $250, he might not have received a job at all. NTA." ~ UncleCeiling
"Seriously. Not only does he want your $750, but he conveniently forgets that without your referral, he'd have exactly $0 and probably a worse contract. No good deed goes unpunished." ~ OilTechnical6976
"If he keeps up his pestering, I would consider putting him on blast in a family groupchat or similar. Like, 'Just a heads up, fam: be careful if you do a favor for BIL. I got a small commission for referring him to his current job, and he got a smaller one after working 8 weeks. For the past X weeks, he has demanded my referral bonus payment'."
"'When told no - because what? - he began trashing me to my husband, his brother, putting in writing some hurtful, awful and untrue things he thought about me. So family: I warn you to be cautious when doing BIL a favor, as he seemingly has nary a gracious bone in his body'."
"'And BIL: Stop pestering me. Stop telling my husband I'm toxic and a [insert slur he used here]. This is my notice that you shouldn't consider coming to us in the future if you need help'."
"Honestly this is probably a bit too harsh, but could still work with the right family dynamic. NTA for telling this entitled jerk no." ~ wolfeflow
"Your BIL sounds like a fixated, entitled weirdo; I certainly wouldn't want him having any responsibility for my care. NTA." ~ AnotherDoubtfulGuest
"I would ask if he would split all of his future referral bonus payments with you, because you got him working there in the first place." ~ daskleinemi
"My business bank offered a £600 bonus for any business I refer that opens an account and deposits a minimum of £1000 in it."
"I referred my BIL and offered to split the bonus with him; he refused. He said it was my offer for referring him, he's happy with the terms and they offered him a signing on bonus as well (even though it was smaller)."
"OP's BIL is definitely an entitled prick." ~ gooderj
"NTA. Thirty years old is a big enough age to know how a goddamn bonus works. He could be a dipsh*t or a bully (or both), but in either case, it's bizarre how he's hounding both of you to give him your own money. Shut that sh*t down and make sure he knows you're never referring him to anyone else." ~ 30Helenssayfu*ckoff
The OP offered an update:
"Thankfully we do not work together, but lesson learned. I'll never do this again. Money or no money involved. It's not worth the drama."
"He would have found a job eventually, but maybe not in his preferred hospital/location/pay package. And he would have been stuck with a way worse recruiter.
"He's had bad ones before. This recruiter is amazing. I worked with her for over a year and she was extremely helpful and responsive to me."
"I've had horrible recruiters in the past too that stop caring after day 1 of your assignment and essentially ghost you until you're finished."
"I thought I was being nice because she genuinely is a good recruiter. He complained about the last few he had. It's not like I referred him just for the money."
"While he doesn't deserve my bonus, to his defense, he is a good nurse and employee. His interpersonal behavior outside the workplace is just garbage."
"If he was in money trouble of some kind, I think it would be a different story, but he isn't."
"He blew this up way more than needed and aimed low once he knew neither of us were going to entertain the argument."
"His MO is to go as low as he can with every argument he's in. If he feels like he's losing, he'll bring up anything he can to try and hurt you back. It's my fault for thinking this would resolve with repeated no's."
"My husband and I both agree this is it."
OP tried to do something nice for her brother-in-law.
But his greed will end up costing him more than the money he would have gained.
