Being asked to be a bridesmaid is often met with an equal amount of excitement and weariness.
Many are excited and humbled by the offer, having the chance to stand alongside one of their closest friends or family members as they celebrate this important milestone in their life.
Others, however, don’t look forward to the added duties that come with it, when they would rather simply be a guest at the wedding, or the dress they will be forced to wear.
Redditor Winter_Purpose_4990 was a bit surprised to be asked to be a bridesmaid by a friend with whom she wasn’t particularly close.
As it turned out, the original poster (OP)s hesitations proved accurate, as the demanding behavior of this friend saw her lose her title as a bridesmaid before she even had a chance to begin.
However, the OP still managed to make the most of the bridesmaid dress she was required to buy.
Much to the chagrin of the Bride.
Concerned she may have stepped out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for keeping the bridesmaid dress and wearing it after I got kicked out of the wedding?”
The OP explained how she managed to put her bridesmaid dress to good use after being kicked out of the wedding:
“So I (26 F[emale]) was supposed to be a bridesmaid for my friend’s (27 F) wedding.”
“We used to be close in college but haven’t really talked that much since then.”
“I honestly was kinda surprised she even asked me.”
“Planning was a disaster.”
“She was micromanaging every single thing and kept acting like we were all just accessories in her aesthetic.”
“She wanted us to have identical nails and lashes, and like I get wanting a vibe, but I said in the group chat I wasn’t doing long fake nails since I work in healthcare and she got mad and made some comment like ‘then maybe you’re not a fit for the bridal party’.”
“So I said ‘maybe I’m not’ and I guess that was that.”
“Few days later she texted me saying she was taking me out of the wedding party but I could still come as a guest which tbh felt kinda humiliating.”
“Especially after I already bought the dress shoes and paid for alterations.”
“Over $350.”
“I asked if I could still wear the dress to the wedding since it’s not like I can return it and she said absolutely not.”
“She doesn’t want anyone wearing that dress unless they’re in the photos and didn’t want ‘reminders of negativity’ at her wedding.”
“So I didn’t go.”
“But yeah two days later I wore the dress to brunch and posted pics and tagged the store.”
“It was definitely the same dress and same color scheme she used for the wedding so our mutuals realized it and I guess it got back to her.”
“She sent this whole thing about how I was being disrespectful and intentionally trying to ruin her vibe and I was like ???”
“It’s a dress I paid for and it looks good.”
“Some friends say I had every right, others say I clearly posted it to stir the pot which I didn’t the dress was expensive and the brunch was very formal and I needed a dress and I had it so I wore it.”
“I do have other dresses I could’ve worn to the brunch, but none fit that theme.”
“Person who hosted wanted light colors all my other dresses are dark green, red, black, some just white.”
“I only had the light blue dress that was bought for the wedding.”
“I originally didn’t even plan on going to the brunch but decided last minute since my girlfriend wanted to go and wanted me with her.”
“Small other update/clarification: the dress wasn’t from a wedding dress store it was a normal mall store think zara or H&M.”
“That’s what I, tagged not a bridal shop store.
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for posting pictures of herself in what would have been her bridesmaid dress.
While some did feel that the OP’s behavior was a tad on the petty side, as she likely knew word would get back to the bride, they otherwise agreed that as the dress was the OP’s she could do whatever she wanted with it:
“NTA.”
“If she was that concerned about you wearing the dress elsewhere then she could have given you the money and bought it back from you.”
“It’s your dress and you can do what you want with it.”
“She’s desperate to cause drama – don’t let her take up any more of your energy.”- Allaboutbird
“NTA.”
“She had a very simple remedy if she wanted to keep your dress from being used other than as her bridesmaid: She could have bought it back from you.”- TemptingPenguin369
“NTA.”
“The dress is yours.”
“You can wear it food shopping or having high tea with the Duchess of Windsor.”
“And post as many pics as you like.”
“Your ‘friend’ can get bent.”
“She sounds like a high-maintenance nightmare.”- BadgerHoldingRoses
“NTA.”
“You would have been the a**hole for wearing it to the wedding (I think it’s a little crazy that you even asked), but you have every right to wear it elsewhere.”- riontach
“Your friends are right.”
“You had every right to wear it and you clearly wanted to stir the pot just a lil bit.”
“Yes, the dress was expensive.”
“Yes, the brunch was very formal.”
“However, I do not, for one second, believe you are naive enough to not know, with mutal friends who have access to your socials, that this would get back to her and her nose would be a little out of joint.”
“You really should just own it.”
“I usually say all stirrers that aren’t inanimate objects are AHs, however, I’m going to let this one slide.”
“NTA.”
“A bit of pettiness is not usually pretty, but you enjoyed this, she deserved this, and I enjoyed the pettiness too.”- Uubilicious_The_Wise
“NTA.”
“You paid for the dress, and it’s yours to do as you like with.”
“And it sounds like you didn’t wear it or post pictures of it until after the wedding took place, which was nice of you.”
“I don’t think it was unreasonable for her to ask you not to wear the dress TO the wedding I you were no longer a bridesmaid, but if she didn’t want you wearing it elsewhere, she should have bought it off you.”- ProfessorYaffle1
“NTA.”
“Where you might have been a bit TA was asking to wear it to the wedding.”
“In that very specific context, the dress would have been the ‘uniform’ of the bridal party, and wearing it would basically be advertising that you were part of the bridal party when you weren’t or that you had been in the bridal party but weren’t anymore.”
“Sort of opens the door for airing the dirty laundry.”
“But outside of the wedding?”
“Ridiculous.”
“It’s yours; you paid for it; wear it where you want.”
“That said, when you declined to attend the wedding, you probably should have just unfriended her.”
“You guys clearly aren’t actual friends anymore.”- oliviamrow
“Oh, I think you did want to stir the pot a little bit (I can’t say I blame you), but regardless, NTA.”
“It’s your dress, and it’s entirely up to you when and where you wear it.”- Taisiecat
“NTA.”
“You paid for the dress. It’s yours to wear when and where you please.”
“A wedding shouldn’t be about control, it should be about celebration.”- FreshmanFemme
“NTA.”
“She sounds like a nightmare, but it was silly of you to even ask if you could wear the bridesmaid dress to the wedding if you weren’t a bridesmaid.”
“I’m glad you didn’t go, she sounds like a bad friend.”
“The dress is yours, and honestly, it sounds like you guys aren’t even friends anymore.”
“The idea that you can’t wear a dress you own and paid for because the few mutuals you have might notice it’s the same dress is absurd.”
“Like maybe a handful of people would even look close enough to notice.”- gcot802
The OP later returned with an update to thank everyone to took the time to comment and share her plans for dealing with this bride and other friends going forward:
“Good to know I’m not the AH lol, as for the situation.”
“I’m just going to let everything pass and not entertain anyone, including my now ex-girlfriend.”
“Don’t know why she was so upset on behalf of the bride, but whatever.”
“I’m done with all the drama this has all drained me badly.”
“Thank you to all the people who commented didn’t think it would reach 10 people let alone 400+.”
It must be said, wearing a dress to a wedding that matches the bridesmaids was bound to cause some confusion and gossip.
Leading one to at least see, if not understand, why the bride might get upset at that idea.
However, as that dress was now the OP’s property, she had the right to wear it wherever she so pleased.
No matter how this bride might feel about that.