Although we get to choose our soulmate, they’re family members come into the bargain whether we’d like it or not.
One Redditor brushed up against some drama with an in-law at a recent family gathering. She posted about it on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit.
The Original Poster (OP), known as Witty_Goose_7724 on the site, shared the climactic moment right in the title.
“AITA for calling my brother-law ‘lazy’ in front of everyone?”
It all began with a bit of a family reunion.
“Last weekend I invited my husband’s two brothers and their wives to stay over the weekend and have a birthday party for my husband.”
“My husband’s youngest brother arrived on Friday night with his wife and stayed in our guest bedroom while the eldest brother offered to smoke some pork butt overnight and bring it to the party.”
“The poor guy was up all night smoking that thing and I told him I didn’t want him to lose out on his sleep over it but he insisted.”
Then came the day of the feasting.
“So on Saturday I get up early and I am cooking and baking all day and my husband, his brothers’ wives and his eldest brother are all helping out.”
“Everyone is busting their butts…except the youngest.”
His disinterest was palpable.
“He is sitting down in the living room playing video games for hours without a single offer to help.”
“Even the few times I hinted to him that I needed help he came up with some bullsh** excuse why he wasn’t going to be able to help out.”
Then came time for dinner.
“Fast forward to the party. Everything came out great. All the food was good and everyone was enjoying themselves.”
“And the scumbag brother makes a joke about my cooking to everyone at the party.”
“At this point I had had enough of him so I told him ‘you’re one to talk. Everyone helped with the cooking and to put this party together. Everyone except you. You’re a lazy and entitled parasite.’ “
The whole thing had OP reflecting.
“Now now. I know that my retort wasn’t the most diplomatic and that I shouldn’t have embarrassed him in front of everyone.”
“And my husband got mad at me and said that I was an a**hole for calling him out in front of everyone and that I needed to apologize to his brother.”
“I told him I didn’t owe him an apology at all. Am I the a**hole? I feel like one after the fact. I know I should have kept my mouth shut.”
“But I still don’t think I should apologize to him.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Apparently, OP felt the need to set a few things straight as the responses started to flow in. She included a series of edits beneath the original post.
“Edit: for those who say that I shouldn’t have expected people to help out I will add that it’s an unwritten family rule that when a family member invites others for a dinner/party everyone is expected to contribute, either by helping out or bringing a dish.”
“It’s always been like that for as long as my husband can remember and I’ve adapted to their custom.”
There was more.
“Edit 2: my BIL always never contributes. Not just at family gatherings but with anything. My husband’s family is very close knit (actually everyone is awesome but him) and they’re always helping each other out.”
“He only asks for help but never helps anyone. In my husband’s own words ‘he always finds a way to worn himself out of helping.’ ”
Then she added a few specifics about the key event.
“Edit 3: My BIL said in front of everyone that my food tasted like ‘prison food.’ For those wondering if in fact the food tasted bad: it didn’t. It tasted delicious.”
“Everyone was complimenting it and some requested the recipes for some of the dishes, which is what prompted him to make that unsavory joke.”
“He also didn’t have a problem with the food as he had already had two servings and was on his way to his third before insulting it.”
Then she zoomed out a little bit.
“Edit 4: Eventually even his wife started asking him for help and he would still not help out (I feel bad for his wife because it’s not just at gatherings. It’s with everything….”
“She does everything around the house, from cooking to fixing stuff that gets broken to doing all the errands. And all he does is play video games and watch TV. He is a complete deadbeat. I don’t know how she puts up with it. She’s got the patience of a saint).”
Then OP responded to a couple key questions she kept encountering.
“Edit 5: Some commenters suggested putting away our console. The problem is that he has his own and takes it wherever he goes. This time was no exception. As soon as he got up he connected his console and started playing.”
“Edit 6: Some have asked why my husband didn’t say something to my BIL first. He didn’t have time. As soon as my BIL insulted my food I snapped back with my insult.”
“I don’t know what happened after that because I was seeing red and left the room and went for a walk to calm myself down. I knew if I stayed I would say a few more choice words to him and would have made things worse. They may have scolded him. I don’t know.”
But by and large, most Redditors were on OP’s side completely.
“NTA – I’m so sick of the entitled family members that do nothing to help BUT are the 1st to belittle everyone and make ‘jokes’ at others expense.”
“You called him out! Good for you!!!”
…In front of the people who always makes stupid excuses for their behavior?? You’re my new HERO! 🥰 Next time No more ‘hints’ Ask nicely the first time.”
“If it’s not done: You’re the new drill Sargent- they do it or: don’t let the door hitya where the good Lord splitya”
“Everyone who stays here helps around the house It’s called Family You’re not their maid!” — Southern_Hamster_338
“Your comment wasn’t diplomatic, but it was true. He had just insulted you, in your own home, while a guest there, in front of EVERYONE THERE, you had every right to respond in public.”
“Your husband is a total A$$HAT for not supporting you in this. NO! DO NOT APOLOGIZE to the little “baby” brother OR your useless husband. NTA” — Dizyngurl
“NTA and I reckon you’ve sown the seeds for his wife to start truly considering him as the lazy parasite he is. Fingers crossed for her.” — wealreadygot1
Here’s hoping OP gets to cook and enjoy the meal in peace at the next gathering.