Kids living at home and not moving out as adults is a growing trend in this difficult economy.
Saving money is on everyone's mind.
Some adults have gone to living arrangement extremes while still staying with parents.
But a lot of parents are reaching their limits with this situation.
Some doors can't stay open forever.
Redditor ElectricalTest6385 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
"AITA for asking my daughter to move out?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My daughter is in her 30's."
"She went through a divorce and moved in with my wife and me about 4 years ago."
"We do not charge rent, and she is in a 1000ft apartment in our basement with a full bath, bed, living area, and we all share a kitchen."
"While the relationship is generally fine, it can be inconvenient to have another adult person living with us."
"She is now getting remarried, but informed us that she is going to remain here while her new husband remains in his apartment because his place is small."
"For reference, his apartment is 2 bedroom with 1 bath and a small one-room kitchen and living area."
"I informed her that her presence here is inconvenient for us, and I believe she is remaining here out of fear of inconveniencing her new husband."
"She swears that they are looking for a house and will be 'out soon," but I am afraid that this could take years."
The OP was left to wonder:
"AITA for asking her to move out of my house and in with her husband?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the a**hole.
"NTA. It is so strange that she isn't planning to move in with her husband that I can only guess that she is angling for you to allow her husband to move into your house with her."
"Then you'll have two adults living rent-free on your dime."
"If you want her out, then charge her market rate." ~ Appropriate-Bar-2822
"This sounds like the most likely reason."
"It doesn't make sense otherwise."
"She stays."
"Then a little later she asks if hubby can stay so they 'save money and get on their feet.'"
"Next thing you know, they'll be asking if parents can switch places with them and live in the basement while they live upstairs." ~ AstrayInTranslation
"The only thing I can understand is moving suuucks."
"I DO understand wanting to put off an additional move."
"However, I feel like OP is correct."
"Finding a place 'suitable' for both of them could take a considerable amount of time."
"OP needs to set a timeline for her move-out date."
"The daughter needs to stick to the timeline even if that means moving in with her husband and putting some stuff in storage."
"Why wouldn't she want to stay in a home with her new husband?"
"That seems problematic in itself."
"If it's just a space thing, they need to downsize."
"Perhaps they are sowing seeds to move him in."
"Please have a talk with your daughter, OP, and get to the bottom of all of this." ~ Kellbows
"NTA. She's getting married."
"Her husband's place is big enough for 2 adults."
"Tell her it's time she starts adulting." ~ Technical-Neck7407
"First of all, the main red flag here is that your daughter doesn't want to inconvenience her new husband."
"His apartment has a kitchen, bath, and 2 bedrooms - perfect for newlyweds."
"Why doesn't she want to move in with him?"
"They are just trying to save money as you don't charge rent."
"This will turn out to be a disaster, and I can see them trying to put you and your wife in the smaller apartment, and they take over your house."
"Put your foot down and say absolutely not." ~ TeachStock773
"Oh, the husband will suddenly have a home emergency."
"Pest control most likely."
"Fumigation."
"Just needs to be out for a day or two and stays with the new wife."
"Then, oh, it's caused a bigger issue, some repairs."
"Next thing, they are living rent-free with OP and renting his place out as two beds and one bathroom is perfect for roommates."
"Double the rent no less."
"No need for daughter to move house while they get 'passive income' and all the perks of rent-free life with mom and dad."
"That shared kitchen absolutely also means co mingling of some groceries or staple goods, which saves even further on top of no rent, no bills."
"One wonders who is paying for the wedding and how aspirational it is."
"Daughter should have a nice chunk saved after 4 years rent-free." ~ IFeelMoiGerbil
"If my partner continued to live with their parents after getting married, I would wonder what the hell I just married into."
"I don't care how small my apartment is, I would want them by my side."
"I would have a sit-down with your daughter and ask her why she is hesitant to move in with him." NTA." ~ Potential_Ad_1397
"Wow. NTA."
"How do you inconvenience your husband by moving in with him?"
"My first concern is what kind of relationship do they have if this is a real concern of hers?"
"If it's simply about her 'stuff', then she can rent a storage unit for her things until they find a place together."
"But as fiances... I would imagine they will share a bedroom in his 2-bedroom apartment."
"Basically, she'd rather continue to inconvenience you rather than her husband-to-be?"
"Crazy."
"Out she goes." ~ LiveKindly01
"NTA. Your daughter is married to another person and doesn't want to inconvenience them by moving into their home?"
"Helping your children out should always be a thing parents do, but at a point, it becomes a situation where they are being harmed more than being helped."
"Maybe I'm old school, but I would NEVER marry someone without having lived with them; odds are she'll be back at some point if she married someone she's never cohabitated with." ~ Laugh_In_Pieces
"Being in your 30s and not paying your parents rent is crazy."
"I started paying my parents rent when I was 19."
"At least ask for some rent money, NTA." ~ REDDIT
"NTA. She's essentially choosing your basement over a life with her husband."
"That's a huge red flag for their marriage and a huge burden on you."
"It's time for a formal 30-day or 60-day notice."
"If they are serious about looking for a house, they can do that from his 2-bedroom apartment." ~ Beneficial-Mindy
"NTA. I understand moving back in with family after divorce, as it takes time to heal and recover, emotionally and financially."
"However, when you're healed/mature enough to make the adult decision to get remarried, you're able to live independently."
"If she's not moving out, it's because she has it too easy at your place." ~ ValleyGirlSlang44
"She is getting married but not going to live with her husband???"
"Seriously???"
"Your daughter is not 30, she's acting like a 12-year-old."
"She wanted a pretty dress and a nice party, but doesn't want to live with a stinky boy, but will stay with mummy and daddy forever 😂."
"Oh, you most definitely need to pull on your biggest and strongest boots and shove them right behind her a**."
"She isn't going to grow up without you making her."
"It's time to shove that birdie out of the comfortable nest."
"Do it soon... 'Jayne, you are a grown, married woman. Go live with your husband. Here is a suitcase - go pack, and I will drop you off.'" ~ NooOfTheNah
"NTA. Be firm."
"She needs to be out by X date, or you will never have your house back."
"Preferably, her marriage date at the latest." ~ Odd-End-1405
"NTA. Your daughter is used to being taken care of, at least in terms of housing, by you and seems to think she is entitled to that without your having a vote in the matter."
"Help her grow up (finally) and stick to your guns."
"You want her to be the adult she needs to be, one who makes their own way in this world, AND you want to reclaim your life as you want to live it."
"Stop letting her guilt you into feeling you have to give her what she demands."
"I'd say it's past time to insist she get out on her own." ~ Realistic_Head4279
"Sounds like it's time for a face-to-face discussion with both of them, together."
"Give them a deadline for her to move in with him and for her to remove all her personal belongings from your space."
"You are not a storage facility."
"Preferably, before the wedding date, not after."
"You may be considering renting out the space she is now occupying, or getting the property ready to put up for sale."
"You may just want your space and privacy back."
"It doesn't matter."
"It's your home."
"She gets no say, married or not, unless she is on the mortgage, deed, or has a lease with you."
"NTA. If the marriage does not happen, I would still give her notice to vacate." ~ Liu1845
"NTA. She is an adult and now remarried."
"I think you have been very accommodating, allowing her to move back in."
"But it's time for her to move out." ~ Creative_Boss_99
"NTA. I have zero issues with adult children living at home... but this is definitely an exception."
"If she wants to be married, she needs to move in with him." ~ slowasaspeedingsloth
"NTA and Hell no!"
"If they can't afford a place that suits them, then they have no business getting married."
"For that matter, they have no business getting married until they can act like adults."
"Personally, I think kicking her out would be the greatest favor you could do for her in the long run." ~ LisleAdam12
Reddit is with you, OP.
What newlyweds chose NOT to live together?
It's time for your daughter to grow up and move on.
Literally!a
