There is an unspoken etiquette to receiving presents.
Every now and again, we might be given something we don’t like at all, or know we will never use, but this is a rare case where honesty is not the best policy, and we just smile and say thank you.
While down the line, we might find ourselves able to exchange this gift for something else which better suits us, the last thing we should do is tell the one who gave it to us that is our plan, let alone ask them if they could do that for us.
Redditor gammawalt was given a fairly generous wedding present by his brother-in-law (BIL), which he and his wife dragged their feet on using.
Eventually, the original poster (OP) felt his BIL’s could be put to better use on someone else, and asked his BIL if this was possible.
Eventually causing considerable strain between them.
Wondering if he was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for NOT know wedding gifts apparently have expiration dates now.”
The OP explained why he felt his BIL’s present was ultimately disingenuous, and what he felt he should have done.
“So a few years back my wife and got married.”
“Her brother who works for a Major US Airline gifted us 2 round trip tickets to anywhere in the 48 USA states so no Alaska no Hawaii.”
“There was never anything said about how long we had to use them and, in fact, it clearly said in the card whenever you both want all he needed was 1 month notice.”
“Since that time he has been promoted many times, is The Air Lines Union representative and one of the long people employed at this airport for this company.”
“We just recently asked if we could sub 2 round trips that was the gift for 1 round trip for a friend of ours who was looking to move back here.”
“Six months before we needed the tickets.”
“He now tells us not only can he NOT give us Our wedding present but can NOT get any ticket.”
“This, of course, is after his trips to California and Florida.”
“So I said that cool.”
“Cash app me $1,600.00, the price of 2 round trip to Vegas where wifey and I would have gone.”
“And then never talk to us again.”
“He then bashed me and his sister, my wife, to the rest of the family, and now I am the a**hole for expecting he actually give my wife and me our gift.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The OP received little to no sympathy from the Reddit community, who unanimously agreed that they were the a**Hole for their request to their BIL.
Everyone agreed that the BIL was absolutely within their rights for refusing to oblige the OP’s request, and the tickets were intended as a present for them, not for his friend, and found the OP’s expectation to receive cash in exchange even more ludicrous.
“Hahahahahaha YTA.”- RealTalkFastWalk
“And even a quick glance at your comment history (was checking for replies to comments for the OP), your even a pr*ck in anything you say.”
“Sooo it definitely makes sense why you’re being pompous about this situation and the judgments you received.”- Street-Translator937
“So years ago, he offered you two tickets which you never used.”
“Now you want to have him pay for someone else’s plane tickets, and he tells you he can’t do that, so you demand $1600 and no further contact with your wife’s brother?”
“You’re entitled, not that bright if you think this was a good idea… and YTA.”- Willing-Helicopter26
“Hahahaahah what even is this.”- __dixon__
“You chose not to use the gift in a timely manner.”
“You were further a bit of a jerk by asking him to fly your friend instead – your BIL was trying to give you and your wife a vacation, not make it easier for someone he didn’t know to move.”
“You were also ridiculously out of line asking for $1,600 for something that was way below that in value.”- AssiduousLayabout
“Waited ‘a few years’.”
“Asked him to fund the trip of someone he doesn’t know.”
“Demanded cash and no further contact when he said he couldn’t do it.”
“Threw in an extra little dig about the fact he’s dared to travel himself in the meantime.”
“If that had been a gift card for travel, it would have had an expiration date.”- embopbopbopdoowop
“You’re not entitled to a gift.”
“And besides, times change.”
“Your brother-in-law’s airline may have a policy not to allow free flights for employees (though that’s a bit of a stretch, it is possible).”- JupiterSWarrior
“You’re allowed to be disappointed, but pitching a petulant fit and making monetary compensation demands and simultaneously telling your BIL to never speak to you again over it is serious AH behavior. Sometimes sh*t happens, and it’s better to accept it with some grace and move on.”- mountaincharley
“Cuz that’s a solid move, lol.”
“You’re not acting in good faith, and you’re not actually entitled to anything, to begin with.”
“It’s not his fault you were an idiot about the gift offer.”
“Telling your BIL to give you $1,600 and never talk to you again is a complete a-hole move.”
“That’s aside from the fact that it doesn’t cost anything like that for a round trip to Las Vegas from anywhere in the continental US.”
“If your wife is lucky, he’ll excuse this sh*t when you divorce and welcome her back to the family.”-joemondo
“YTA and where in the US could you possibly live that you need $1600 for two tickets to Vegas?”
“I googled east coast to LV, and same-day tickets are only $130.”- Inconceivable44
“YTA demanding your brother-in-law send you $1,600 and then ‘never talk to us again’ was way out of line.”
“Domestic flights to Vegas don’t even cost that much.”
“He doesn’t owe you a huge cash gift just because he’s successful and offered you free tickets at one point long ago.”
“Sounds like he was planning on gifting your free tickets from work, but he doesn’t currently have any, or they’re only for family… so your friends are not eligible.”- Ok-Opinion-
“Well, it should have been patently obvious to you that if your brother-in-law was offering, you return tickets for the two of you, using free tickets he got as a benefit from his job, that at any point his employers might withdraw the benefit or he could have lost his job and cease to have this entitlement.”
“But no, you left this gift for you and your bride unclaimed for ‘a few years’.”
“In many respects, what he gave you was the equivalent of a gift card.”
“Only redeemable on a limited range of products through a specific supplier, and if the company goes belly up/into administration, then essentially worthless.”
“And now, you want to redeem a wedding gift on some friend.”
“Yeah, I’m sure your brother-in-law had that in mind for how you would use his wedding present.”
“Oh, but actually, now you want money for a trip you and your wife have failed to go on previously through your own failure to act.”
“You sound like an entitled pr*ck.”
“It’s not his fault that you didn’t use them.”
“The least you could do was be understanding.”
“But instead, you want to go off the rails and attack him and say he can never talk to you or his sister again.”
“Sorry buddy, but it sounds like you may be getting a present soon from your wife if she’s smart.”
“I’ll send you a nice pen to sign the divorce papers with since you’re so deprived of gifts.”-Ok_Table4562
“Every day I come on this subreddit to read what people took the time to type out, and get utterly flabbergasted at their lack of self-awareness.”
“You literally typed this and had to question if you’re the AH?”
“Your brother In Law didn’t take anything back, you never took him up on his generous offer, and now it’s no longer available.”
“He’s not going to send you $1,600, but maybe you can scrape together a few dollars and buy a mirror.”
It seems that the OP simply didn’t understand the intention of his BIL’s present.
His BIL wanted to give the OP and his wife the opportunity to fly to the place of their choosing as a romantic getaway, not a simple cash voucher that they could willingly give away.
One can only hope that the OP wasn’t serious in his request to his BIL to never speak to them again, as one has little doubt he would have been more than happy to still give them the flight if they wanted it.